Red Flags of an Online Relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Red Flags of an Online Relationship
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 11:31pm
Hi.. i came across this article, n i hope it can help....

The Red Flags Of An Online Relationship

Know what to look for...

by Jennifer Good

In a medium where faith in a potential partner is being put at an all-time high, it is important to know if you're stepping blindly. If you're considering an online relationship, or are currently in one, there are a few things you should be prepared to look out for. While each situation is unique, and it is important to go by your instinct, the following list should help you spot any red flags you might encounter.

RED FLAG #1: Won't show you current or full body photos. While looks may not be important to you, your partner's ability to tell the truth should be. If you doubt the sincerity of any photo your interest has sent you, send a disposable camera with a self-addressed, postage ready envelope with instructions to take pictures and send the camera back to you. This way you can develop the film yourself. Of course, you'd probably only want to go to this much trouble if you are seriously interested in this person.

RED FLAG #2: They do not have any solid contact numbers. You've progressed to telephone contact, but the problem is you can't ever contact them! If any of the following situations sound familiar, be prepared to further investigate the possibility of a spouse, live-in, or other situation you may not be aware of.

You have to page them for them to call you back.

They use a separate line. If so, try calling their main line at random times.

You can only call during certain periods of time. Again, if this applies to you, try calling at different time periods to see who answers the phone.

They will only call, therefore not allowing you to call them.

RED FLAG #3: Reality VS. Fantasy

There are many different viewpoints towards a relationship founded through the Internet. To save future hurt and embarrassment, make sure you know your potential partner's philosophies. Do they view an Internet relationship as a real relationship, or is it a way to live out a fantasy life? If it's the later, be careful to avoid being their latest cyber fling.

RED FLAG #4: Asks for money.

Avoid getting into financial trouble by following a simple rule; don't send money.

RED FLAG #5: You're the only one making an effort or altering your lifestyle to have this relationship. This is a telltale sign of things to come if you develop an off-line romance. No relationship should be solely one person giving and the other taking. If you find this happening to you, talk about it to your partner and ask them to meet you half way in your efforts.

RED FLAG #6: Your potential partner is overly insecure about your off-line or online activities. Just as in any relationship, a person who is overly insecure about something can end up being an emotionally draining experience. Take a step back, and really look at whether this is something you're willing to put up with if the relationship happened to last two to three years. If not, move on and find someone more independent.

Remember, any relationship will have its red flags. If you're really ready for a relationship, you'll be able to spot them, handle them and get on with your life with little or no loss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-03-2003 - 9:52am
I don't agree with some of this article - if a man won't give me his phone numbers I wouldn't test anything - I would ask him directly why and if there was any question in the answer then . . .. next. As far as photos - I am slim and petite but hate the way I photograph - my favorites are not full body and a man who would ask for an additional photo prior to meeting me is not a man I would want to meet (I don't think the type of photo sent has to do with honesty about a person's physical characteristics). Just my thoughts.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 2:25pm
Oh, my gosh, no! If someone did #1 to me, he'd be history. What an INSULT! If he can't give me the benefit of the doubt that I'm telling the truth about myself, and meet me for coffee for 30 minutes, then NEXT is all I can say.

The rest of the article I agree with, but #1 is SO far off, it made me want to stop reading right then and there.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 12:25pm
WOW! Jen, great article! Absolutely perfect for the board. Thanks so much for posting it. It reminds us all what to look for. I have to say, the one red flag that all women should already know is...if the person asks for money? I would say that is a universal red flag. In any new relationship, if the other person asks for money...well, lets just say that is not a good sign for the future. That is just my opinion. lol Thanks again for the great post Jen!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 12:09am
Great post Jen...wel well well I Think i should read this more often to see if my online bf is messing up me ...hahahahaha


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 9:07am
Thanks for posting this Jen. I think it was very needed today. Good job!!! Glad to see you are sticking around for the long haul. Marie and I need all the help we can get here on the board. The more the merrier!! (is that a word?) lol