Removing profiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Removing profiles
11
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 9:42am
I have a question, I have been seeing my girl for eight months and have ask on 3 occassions for us to take down our profiles even with a glass of wine while we do it. Problem is that she says she doesnt want to and that it just shows that I am insecure and controlling, to which I respond its a matter of respect for each other. She gets so upset its like you think she caught you cheating or stealing from her and on Valentines day ,I asked again and now because of this she has broken up with me. I have had

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 10:43am

Thank your lucky stars that she's gone and run for the hills when she decides she wants to start up again (and yes, I think she'll be back).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 10:54am
What she says is that I am trying to control her and that I am insecure and not trusting. She says that she could meet someone anywhere in real life so whats the difference if she is on the dating site. To which I reply that first it hurts my feelings and if we both took it off would go along way in me dealing with some insecurity because she is creating some of it by going to these sites, the rest was created by a bad marriage and former gf. I told her that I dont know any woman that would go for the line that I have friends on there and they are only friends especially after the
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 12:22pm

<<She says that she could meet someone anywhere in real life so whats the difference if she is on the dating site. >>


Because the PURPOSE of a dating site is inherent in the name of it - it is a DATING site.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 2:07pm
The obvious reason that she doesn't want to take down her profile is that she wants to keep her options open. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship w/ someone like that. You are lucky to have her gone. She was really messing w/ your head. It's like going to a party w/ a guy where he is dancing w/ all other women, flirting w/ them, etc., then he tells his GF that SHE's insecure? People who are actually in a relationship don't need to be constantly looking for someone else on the side.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 1:10pm

You would think all of this would be as a matter of fact after all we are in our fifties and not teens. Is it just an ego thing or is it a power game. I tried to explain that even if she left the men would find someone else to talk to. Its not that the whole site is dependent on her being there for thier entertainment. Its very frustrating, so I sent her a email saying basically its the site or me and I lost. I dont know if its an addiction or what but if that is what the dating scene has come too why bother because when the next one comes along, the same could happen and who wants to be an option to a profile. It really hurts. I guess even at this age people are looking at greener pastures instead of being happy with what they have and then later try to come back. Does anyone think that she does this to hurt my self esteem or does she just do this because she just doesnt care, even though she claims she does and I am letting it bother me because of insecurities, to which I say BS because no one whats to feel like they arent enough.


Why does she act like the world will end if she has to take this down?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 6:23pm

Stop trying to figure her out. It doesn't matter what she's thinking or why she does what she does. You are not on the same page relationship-wise. Not every woman is like her. There are plenty of women who would like to have a long -term relationship and get out of the crazy dating scene. Basically, you are not compatible.


She was a challenge and that's probably one of the reasons you're crazy about her. People often want what they can't have. Thank God you only invested 8 months into her. She's not the one. Move on and find someone with the same relationship goals as you. I know it's not easy, but you have to keep on trying. Maybe you'll recognize the red flags sooner this time if the person isn't right for you, as well as recognizing someone who you'll get along better with. It'll just feel right with less stress involved. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 11:30am

I do think that's one of the problems of OLD is the continuous need that some people have to constantly look & see if they can find someone better & if they are missing out. I think that when people find someone they are really interested in, they just naturally don't want to see other people--it doesn't turn into a big debate.

Since I'm over 50 (just barely) I'd also like to know where the single men our age can be found! When I join meetup groups that are supposed to be coed (but not specifically dating groups) it turns out to be 90% women--that could be a place for you cause I have met so many nice interesting women. But I don't meet anyone through work and I didn't like going to bars much when I was younger--I think it's all people in their 20's now, so I'd like to get some ideas from a guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2007
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 5:21pm
Most of my friends my age are married or involved with someone. Seems like the only place these days are the dating sites,problem is the are like a bunch of hyenas and will be satisfied with anything with a pulse,sad to say that. I proved it by creating a womans profile with no pic or any paragraph of what she was interested in and recieved 425 hits. I did this to show the woman I am involved with that even though she has a pic she recived like 100 more hits, so what does that say , tells me these guys our age are desperate and dont care about personality or anything considering the bogus profile didnt even have a pic. Doesnt sound good ,I guess you just have to join groups with more men in them ,really dont know what else to say.


Edited 2/19/2010 5:24 pm ET by topgun923
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 6:07pm

Because she wants to leave her options open.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2010
Sat, 02-20-2010 - 10:53pm

Just like what Vexer says, you should count your lucky stars your not with this woman.

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