Rmh, what did you decide...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Rmh, what did you decide...
6
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 4:56pm
about your ex? I've been thinking about you this week and wondering...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 6:35pm
Hey Sheri,

Well..I confess I saw him this past Sunday and we had lunch. But, it was a good thing. I realized I can't do this, and my feelings for him had changed. Sure I still have some feelings for him, but he's still completely vague about everything.

I told him as nice as it was to see him, I don't want to get involved with him and get hurt, esp when he can't promise me anything. He said he understands, but he didn't want to jump right into a relationship. He just wanted to date me and "see where it goes." Yeah, whatever! Meanwhile he's still using match.com EVERY day. Does this sound like a guy who sincerely wants to work it out? Doesn't sound like it.

Ugh, men.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 7:04pm
Good for you, I'm glad to hear that you are taking what he's saying (or NOT saying) at face value and not giving him another chance. I especially love the way he's basically ignoring the fact that the two of you already DID the dating thing, for 7 months!!!

I bet you'll hear from him again, so I'd block him if I were you, just so you don't have to deal with it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 4:49am
He really sounds like a vague type of person who is not at all ready for any kind of commitment. It was good though that you decided to meet him again, that sometimes helps to find out more about your own feelings. Now that you know you don't feel enough to get into that troublesome situation with him again, you can concentrate on others and (if you like) still maintain a kind of friendship with him. I would not block him or break up the contact with him completely unless you feel you don't want to hear from him again at all.

I have a somehow uncleared situation with my Ex as well, we are still in email-contact sometimes and most of the time I am just happy to still have him in my life as a kind of a very special good friend. But when he is extremely sweet like he was earlier, our good times come back in my mind and I dream about what could have been when. Not that he has ever told me he wants me back and of course I have Rob whom I love very much and with whom I am feeling much more comfortable but......my Ex was long-distance as well and we broke up long-distance. I really wished I could have seen him again and help myself to really just feel friendship-like for him.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 9:51am
Well, it would make it easier to move on if I had a new guy in my life, but I know I have heal over him before I can develop new feelings for someone else. So, being single, makes it alot more dangerous for me to try and stay friends with him. We really only had maybe 3 weeks of no contact before he started chatting with me online, and then eventually wanting to see me. That's not enough time.

I still feel very fragile and moments I wonder if I should go back to him. It was good to see him, but at the same time, now I feel very emotional having seen him. I don't mind e-mailng him, but I can't see him and just be friends. It's making it harder for me to move on. He even wants to take a road trip next month with me. I said we could as "friends" but I think I'm fooling myself here. I don't think I should if I really want to move on. Tough decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 12:54pm
I understand what you mean. Maybe I can be friends with my Ex because I do not see him or even speak to him on the phone or so. We are living on two different continents and are just writing emails occasionally. As I said I would like to meet him once again but I guess I would not want to go out with him on a regular basis and just the two of us. Defintely would not go on a trip with him as "just friends". On the other hand I would have known that he is really interested in having me back if he asked me to go on a trip with him.

Maybe you can see how it goes over the next weeks and what efforts he will make to convince you to come back to him. As I said he does not sound like he really wants to comitt to you the way you would like but maybe he is able to change when he realizes he misses you.

You must do what feels right for you now and take good care that he won't hurt you again. I see the point that you still have some feelings for him but maybe that's just out of nostalgia or so. Unfortunately we tend to remember the good things more than the bad ones. It's good though that you try to get over him before you will start with a new guy.

Send you some good vibes to make you feel better. Take your time to find out what you really want and then go for it.

Nicole

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 7:45pm
You need to stop emailing him and block him from emailing you. There's only downside in that for you (i.e, the likelihood that you will weaken if you keep in contact with him) and no upside (if you want to be friends after you are completely over him, you can get back in touch...not staying in touch now doesn't mean you can't be friends later).

And yes, you are completely kidding yourself about the trip!!!

Sheri