Is this rude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Is this rude?
23
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:16am

I had a date with a guy recently that rubbed me the wrong way. Could you please tell me if this would bother you too or am I overreacting?
I get to his house and he's watching a movie. I had brought us takeout. We sit down to eat and he doesn't want to talk, he wants to keep watching this movie on the couch while he eats. So, we eat on the couch facing the tv when he has a perfectly good table we could have eaten at and actually face each other.

He does ask, "do you mind if I watch the rest of this movie? It's almost over. I'd rather finish it while it's all fresh in my head still. What am I going to say, yes I mind? I was thinking, 'gee, great to see you too!'

Well, then I realized, wait a minute, this is Pirates of the Caribbean...a looong movie. After about 10 mins I told him that it's no where near being finished. He just said 'really?' I pretty much had to prompt him again to turn it off. Then, I said, 'Okay the movies gotta go off..there's still like 45 minutes left of it'. So, then he turned it off.

My mood got all messed up because here I had brought him dinner and he was more interested in watching this movie than with sitting down and actually communicating and getting to know each other more. That was just too passive for me. Yes, we've watched a movie together before, but that was after we carried on conversation for a while (not to mention started it at the beginning for *both* of us to enjoy). I find it hard to believe there's nothing left to learn about each other! Just to spur conversation, I asked, "so, what's your middle name?" he told me then asked what mine is. Then he asked 'so what else do I not know about you?" I said with a smile, "well, plenty". He just snickered and then got up to go put on *another movie*.

I admit that I started to act a little cold to him after that. Guess he's not that into me...lol...I've barely heard from him after that night. I talked to him today and he said he thinks I was being bossy that night.

How am I the bad guy in this? What do you all think about this? Wouldn't you want him to turn off the movie?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:56am

Yeah...all I have to say is "Next!!!!"

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:13pm
Total jerk. I probably would have let him watch the movie but I would have quietly put on my shoes and slipped out never to be seen again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 12:31am

Sheri and Clber,

Yeah, I got rid of him (well, it was mutual).

WHY can't I find a good guy!!!!!!!!! I'm back on jdate...I really hope this is the last time I'll have to renew that stinkin membership. I'm so ready to just be in a nice and wonderful relationship, feel all snuggly secure with someone! I don't want to be single anymore. :( I'm so sick of all the games. I've noticed that ppl aren't very tolerant. I was willing to tolerate and 'work through' that date and give him another chance but when it comes to me he just thought i was bossy and was finished with things. i told him forget it and that i dont want to be in a relationship with someone so self centered. I have SO had it with dating, but I can't quit trying or I really will end up alone. I don't believe that the perfect guy shows up when you least expect and when you're not looking.

I just read over my posting and realize I sound so desperate. I'm just bummed out and sick of dating. I'm going to a singles event this weekend and meeting some friends there. Maybe mister right will be there :) Ah, it would be so great to meet a guy out in the regular world versus OLD.

'Here's to hoping we all find our guy soon.

Devorah

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 9:53am

Is this the guy you just had sex with? That's very disappointing that he would act that way if that's the case. His behavior was totally rude and selfish and the only words of comfort I can offer are; better you know now than find out later. Next!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:13am
He sounds like a jerk, you are better off without this loser
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:53am
OK so is this M that you slept with last week? Regardless, what a jerk. Good move nexting him.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 12:18pm

Yes, it was M! I slept with him and then we had a date a couple days later and he was already a little too "comfortable" I guess. He's such a jerk; his true colors came out.

For some reason I fall for guys who end up being an a$$. They seem so cool in the beginning. I wish I could detect this trait in the first few convos. I wish there were specific questions to ask/convos one could have with someone that would reveal an a$$ early on. I'd save a lot of time. Sigh...

Oh well! I'm talking to some other guys now. Gotta keep moving along...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 7:44pm

<>

That's *exactly* what I was thinking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 9:04am
Yes, he's a rude jerk whom you should dump immediately, but IMHO, you contributed to the situation by thinking a "date" is where you go to the guy's house, dinner in hand. That is not a date, unless you all have been a couple for a long time and he almost always takes you out or brings you dinner (so that your picking up something on the way is the exception, not the rule). I hope you didn't suggest that, and if he did, you should have subtly let him know (without coming right out and saying it) that you're not used to that type of "date." Since you haven't known this guy very long, you made things way too easy for him by going to his house and taking him dinner to boot. He might have thought he didn't have to work very hard to impress you or show you a nice time, so he didn't. He continued to do what he was doing, as if you weren't there. Again, that is very rude, but we teach people how to treat us, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Since this is a new relationship and you recently slept with the guy (I won't address whether that was too soon and hence made him lose interest), he should have been falling over himself to take you out and plan an activity. It's not about spending money on you, per se, it's about exerting effort to plan fun events. In this context, a "date" would be where he picked you up at your house, took you out, and then drove you home at the end. I'm not even a fan of guys hanging out at MY place a lot in the early stages, because again, that's not a date (although it's better than going to his house). I'm sure some people might disagree and go on and on about how it's almost 2007 and there's nothing wrong with spending time at guy's house and taking him dinner, but again, it's all about the stage of the relationship you're in. Next time don't accept so little as a "date," and if the guy can't come up with a more appealing activity, nicely say you are sorry, but you have other plans. If nothing else, you could have nexted this jerk without the humiliation of having him ignore you while he ate the dinner you brought him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:11am

Yeah, we'd been dating a little over two months. Things had been going great and he hadn't acted that way previously. I talked to

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