Rude Online Date- Weird Behavior

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Rude Online Date- Weird Behavior
6
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:15am

Yesterday I had an on-line date that just for some reason really bummed me out. I haven't gone on many dates lately because of lack of selection. Anyways- this guy and I spoke- on Friday night and ended up being on the phone for three hours. Not something I usually do- and I was looking forward to the date- and hoping I would be attracted to him- because I really liked his personality. I will admit- that it wasn't my choice to stay on the phone for that kind of time (he seemed a bit pushy into wanting to know a lot of things like - had I been engaged and my longest relationship)

He emailed me back and forth the rest of the weekend- and we met in person for drinks around 4:00- I had somewhere to be at 6:30.

Anyways- in person, off the bat- he complained that I was "giving him a look" that made him think I didn't want to be there- I don't know what he was talking about! I told him if that was the case, then I wouldn't have asked for a table instead of sitting at the bar. He continued to look uncomfortable- and ask me questions like "how long have you been on OLD" "do you have any other dates lined up?" "was I really ready and open to be in a committed relationship?" "was I into superficial things, like how much things cost, because he was the type who was low key and his last relationship was too into material wealth" "What was the reason my relationships didn't turn into marriage?"- when the questions got too personal (in my opinion for a first meeting)- I turned them around on him and said "Well what abou you?" - which seemed to annoy him and he commented that "I answer questions with questions"-

I found out that he got out of an engagement three months ago- to a woman he met on OLD that he dated for a year and a half. He continually asked me if this bothered me- and he talked a bit too much about the breakup (and how he seemed to feel she was too needy emotionally and monetarily)- I was uncomfortable, and should have left (I was in the middle between plans and was kind of stuck to wait for my 6:30 plans)- and I think I was in shock that someone that I could have a three hour conversation- could be so weird and rude in person. I just didn't know how to handle him- because I think I was thrown off guard so much to the type of person he was.

I told him at the end- clearly it didn't seem like he was having a good time - he said "No, its fine, but if you're trying to read me, you won't be able to."- We were sitting outside in the uncomfortable end- and I just said sarcastically almost- do you want to see me again?- He said- I don't know- I said, "That's fine I take that as a no."- He continued to ARGUE with me- that "No, that's not what it meant, but he didn't want to tell me yes and change his mind tomorrow."- I just said fine- and left.

Comments??? How should I have handled the date from the beginning???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:39am

Oh my gosh! Who is this guy!?!?! lol.. Ya know, you could of handled it a thousand different ways, but I think knowing me, I would have met him too just because of the phone connection you guys had.

I think next time, think harder on the red flags (i.e. pushyness on the phone, too personal questions)and if you're still going to meet, at least you have the mindset of thinking that it may be a 'wasted' meeting..

I hope you didn't stay too bummed out for too long.. this guy was a headcase.. and you sound like you are too 'normal' for someone like him...

Take care
Lisa

boston.png Boston Girl image by EmmaLee192

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 1:38pm

Ugh!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 2:24pm

Could you have given off some kind of vibe that you had someplace to be? It seems like the time frame established to meet him was tight.

He also sounds like he was hurt pretty badly from his last relationship and wants to tie up loose ends before the relationship even begins. I think he needs some more healing time.

You handled it fine. You might want to see if you may have been a bit defensive though.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:14am

Ugh. How I hate a whiney guy.

I can't tell you what you should have done, only what I would have if I were sitting at that table with him.

I absolutely would have ended the date early and left.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 6:08am

Sounds like he's not over the relationship. For me, I think if I started to feel uncomfortable I would have found a way out. No need to aggravate an already uncomfy situation, ya know?


Next time, set it up where you only have an hour just in case. Or maybe even a half.


There was nothing you really could have done differently though. This guy has issues.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Tue, 03-28-2006 - 12:27pm

What a freak! That sounds like a nightmare date. Did you stay for 2.5 hours?? If so, I would have cut it shorter. IMO the guy told you he had issues right off the bat when he said you were giving him a "look" - what's up with that? Also, his refusal to answer the same questions he was bombarding you with - sounds like he is a tad controlling? If a date is going that poorly, best thing to do is cut it short. I know you were probably so taken off guard by this guy that you didn't do that, but now you are prepared in case you are ever in a similar situation. View it as a learning experience and move on.