a RULE? guys online MUST be flakes!?
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| Thu, 02-01-2007 - 2:14am |
*KINDA LONG!*
So I am finally starting to get over my ex who left me a year and 1/2 ago - yes you read me right!
My huge concern was that no one would ever compare to him and boy was I right!
New school, new house, new job and nothing. I went online as I often do and here is what I found :
Harrison : we talk online, he acts like he's the $hit, we go on a date, he's SO SWEET, he acts like he doesnt want the date to end, we talk online and everytime wedo, he acts like he's amazing. I call him, he's acting like he's too important to talk to me, I hang up, he calls back later leaving a msg asking if I'm ok and he wants to see me, I call back saying no then felt bad later (like an idiot!) and emailed him, he never replied.
Brian : we talk on msn for about a week, he acts enthralled with me, never asks me out. I mention meeting up after 2 wks or so and he says he's "feeling it out"?? Then everytime I msg him after that (like 3 x in 2 wks) he replies an hr later with " sorry I missed you, Im off to bed" I finally replied last nite with " seems like you're always off to bed so nice meeting you but now we never have to talk again!"
Spence: really cute, smart, etc and we only talked thru emails. He asked me out in dec and i was away on vacation so I wrote back saying we'd have to raincheck. I wrote him a few nights ago and said " did you still want to meet up?" he said " sure! im wide open this week- you pick the day and time" I wrote back saying " is sunday at 4 good for you?" It's been 3 days and he hasn't written back (when usally he writes back the same night)
Billy: writes me saying how much he likes my post etc etc, we send 2 or 3 emails, then I sent a second photo and no reply...I saw his myspace tonight and he has a gf.
I just don't get it. I've dated LOTSSSS of guys before but since my ex it seems like Im a magnet for losers. And I know I'm not giving off that " get away from me"vibe cos I have done that before and this isnt it. I guess I'm just venting. Can anyone relate??

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and i guess i shouldnt have said he "left me",its just that he had an illness and moved away to be with family whlie i was in college - so he physically left me but still asks about me til this day (2 yrs later)
i dont think there is anything with using him as a reference to what my standards are and i never will!
its hard to date losers when you know the best man for you is out there and unable to be with you. thats all.
anyway i was posting this to talk to WOMEN about whether or not they could relate to dating guys who are just flakes - not asking men what they think about my feelings for my ex, 'mark'.
:)
I wanted to point out that there was no reason to "snap" at Mark. Most of us LIKE a mans opinion here. I see NOTHING wrong with what he said - you didnt explain at all in your post except that your X "left you" & obviously its taken you a long time to start dating again.
Well - he does say we compare our X's sometiems, good or bad X's, lol.
I guess I did not make myself clear. I contend that there is some reason that the person is an "ex" for there is some characteristic or incompatibility that made him/her an ex. So I believe one should not use someone as the standard as for a good mate with that incompatible characteristic. Make sense (somewhat)?
Mark
I think to set a bar for other guys to aspire to, & that bar happens to be an ex...is wrong.
However, there are obviously some things about the ex that we like & would like to find in a future mate. Through the dating process, we discover attributes & flaws that we like & dislike & use THOSE when dating in the future. I think if you look at John Doe & say "he's not like my ex so it's not right" is the wrong way to do. However, if the ex was very outgoing & you liked that, then it's okay to say "I would really like my future mate to be outgoing because I discovered that I prefer that when dating my ex).
I have not read the rest of the responses, but I will say that I also believe that many men are flakes online. The majority I've encountered do not really know what they want. Many have no staying power, EVEN when there is attraction, spark and much to talk about. I always know after even one date if I want to see a guy again. The guy should know as well. If they continue to call and "act" interested, you can only assume that a second date shall be forthcoming, right? Well, that is where I have been duped so many times. If they don't set up the 2nd date on the first, chances are slim for the 2nd date to happen. However, with this last guy, the distance and work schedules sort of prevented that from being a sure thing on date #1. However, I had no doubt whatsoever that he was interested and that we would see each other again. His phone calls continued almost daily. Then he stopped calling me around New Year's Day. He had "issues" going on and I foolishly gave him a pass for his lack of contact. Then, I finally decide to let it lie and do not e-mail, phone or try to contact him. He starts phoning again (almost daily) and blames his "health issues" for his lag in communication.
He seemed to be dragging his feet on having that 2nd date, but he did talk about coming back down to see me. I could not imagine why he'd waste his phone minutes on me if he had no intention of doing so. Then this past weekend, he was working and I left him a message but he did not return my call nor call me at all. I sent an e-mail yesterday telling him that I thought it was strange that I did not hear from him this weekend and that I was giving up with this. I may or may not hear back from him. If he thinks I'm done with him, he may start calling again, but I'm sick of the games. I don't plan on having anymore conversations with him. He's just another man who wants to do what he wants WHEN he wants to and not until. Selfish and with few manners is putting it nicely. I keep thinking the next one will not be so self-centered as the last. However, they all seem to hide this trait until they are reasonably sure that the woman has bought the phony image. Then, poof, they either disappear, quit calling, start acting moody or otherwise find a reason to pick a fight..take your pick, it's always one of those things that happens with me.
I had a long talk with my Mom yesterday about this situation (and about past relationship issues). Oftentimes, I do not listen to her advice as I consider her "biased" towards me. But, for some reason, what she said yesterday made some sense. She said that when I see that I'm going to have to work too hard to make something happen is when I should simply no longer try. If the guy is lazy or not interested enough to do what he should do, then he's not worth my time or worry (which is easier said than done). She also said that many of these men I've met were probably not brought up the same way I was, which is also probably true.
I had a Dad who very much did what he said he'd do. He did not lie to people about anything..not in business dealings, not with his family, not on his taxes..not about anything. He used to have this saying that you didn't have to remember what lie you told to who if you told the truth. I have pretty much lived by that standard my whole life while realizing that you don't say things to hurt others, but you don't lie to people in order to play games or misrepresent yourself. Both of my parents taught me to make good on any promises I made. If you said you were going to call someone, then you called. If you were going to be somewhere at a certain time, then you did or you called to let them know you would be late. Common courtesy was very much what I was taught. That seems to be sadly lacking from the majority of the men I've dated in the last 7+ years or so.
Common, basic etiquette breaches have been what have been the straws that have broken the camel's back for me in all of these past relationships. I've yet to meet a guy who didn't say that he was not into "game playing" and then he turned around and did just that. So, I'm pretty sour on dating in general right now. I've been lied to or misled so many times, that I surely should win some prize for how many times it's happened. However, others' stories here have given me some solace in knowing it's not just me this happens to.
I so relate to what you are going through. The same thing happens to me over and over again with men. One minute they are acting all into me and the next they start playing games. Most of the men I have met are very inconsiderate. I keep waiting for a guy to come along that will follow through and not lie, but it hasn't happened yet. I have also dated my fair share of men and they all play the same games. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I share you frustration.
hmm well to "rlch" and "mhash", 2 points :
- rlch , there IS a reason he is an ex : he got very sick and had to move to his family and I was in college and couldn’t go with him - that is ALL
- and mhash, I do GIVE people a chance…otherwise I wouldn’t have had dates lined up with 4 other men who as you can see, turned out to be flakes.
im done with this board now,have a good one guys!
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