Salary and OLD??? or any dating???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Salary and OLD??? or any dating???
15
Sun, 10-15-2006 - 11:23am

Hi all, I just signed into Yahoo and like usual, not a peep or response to my profile.

I don't have pictures posted, which I'm sure is a big issue for many. I just get shy about doing that, but I say I'm happy to email a picture or two. Besides lack of pictures, I think one of my big problems might be the salary catagory. Here's the deal. I'm highly educated and make a pretty big salary for my area here in the Midwest. I've dated men who have been intimidated by my education and my salary (don't worry, I don't bring it up, they just figure I must do well because of my job title). So in my "what I'm looking for" section, I haven't limited it to much (I don't get concerned about body type, hair or eye color, baldness, race...those are things we can figure out later if we are a match).

However, I have said I want a certain salary and a certain level of education (I just say college or greater, but salary might be high). Now I think I might be coming off as a gold digger. I didn't fill in my salary, just "tell you later". I'm definitely not a gold digger, but I don't want someone who is intimidated by me. Heck, I don't make that much, but it is always more than they do.

How should I deal? I swear my education and salary killed my last relationship (well, it contributed to it's death :-) He kept asking me why someone like me would date him. I kept saying because I liked him...he floated off, telling me I could do better. Isn't that up to me to decide? I lived in poverty for so long while going to school. All I want is someone to celebrate my middle-class status with me and not worry about it if I earn more than they do. Do these males exist?

ugh, confused. Let me have it. Am I coming off as obnoxious?

Chick

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 1:42am

Bottom line... it really does not matter what anyone else thinks. I believe that relationships are self selecting, i.e. if someone walks then the relationship was not meant to be a relationship. If you get dumped then the guy was not right for you (or visa versa)no matter what the reason is IMHO.

I do believe that from each relationship that I need to learn from it, about who I am, about the choices I made, about what things I would like to change next time, etc.

Make sense?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 5:04pm

Again, Mark is the voice of wisdom!

I might be turned off not by the education or salary of a physician, but the thought that a physician is likely to work many long hours. Since that was an issue with my ex, I wouldn't want to go down that road again. It wouldn't prevent me from meeting a doctor, or even dating, but It would never leave my mind.

For my profession I put librarian but I don't say that I work in a school (for security reasons) or put my salary (because it is no ones business). Librarians are honored by a small segment of society and I'm really only interested in those who belong to that segment. And yes, I think if I were a physician, I would say 'medical' and leave it at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 6:20pm

Thanks everyone. Some good suggestions here, and you've got me thinking. I don't say I'm a doctor in my profile because even though I am, I don't practice medicine. I'm in industry (pharmaceutical) so I have some pretty normal working hours, although travel can get extreme sometimes. I try to keep that to a minimum so I can have a normal life with my doggy and my friends.

I really think the lack of bites is my lack of picture. But I just hate having to worry that I could have a perfectly good match someday who couldn't handle me outearning him. The irony would be that he probably outearned me over his life span (man have I been poor), but that still doesn't seem to matter.

Mark, great thoughts. Watershed, I think the world of librarians. You guys are so dang smart and helpful!! I am emailing our librarian on a daily basis these days and she always delivers!!

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 8:45pm

How about getting involved in those sites or clubs that cater only to people within the same education and job status as you are in? I can't name any specifics, but I have seen these more exclusive clubs. That way you don't have to wade through the gazillions of emails that you are getting now.

I haven't read through the other emails so perhaps that was already suggested.

hello
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:05pm

Oh, Maryanne, I'm not getting ANY emails! I know a big part of it is I lack a picture, but I think another part of it is because I don't post my salary, but ask for a pretty hefty one for where I live.

I did try science connect, and there were some pretty interesting guys on there, but from far away. The only person I got to emailing with from my city was recently divorced and said his biggest love in life was sex. When I told him that was a little odd to put in his profile, he went on to tell me that the lack of sex is what caused his divorce. I didn't quite know quite what to make of that, but I told him to have fun out there and be safe.

I now see him on Yahoo. I'm sure he's having the time of his life. Ah, scientists, (not to pi$$ anyone off, I am one too), we have no social skills....

Chick

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