Salary and OLD??? or any dating???
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| Sun, 10-15-2006 - 11:23am |
Hi all, I just signed into Yahoo and like usual, not a peep or response to my profile.
I don't have pictures posted, which I'm sure is a big issue for many. I just get shy about doing that, but I say I'm happy to email a picture or two. Besides lack of pictures, I think one of my big problems might be the salary catagory. Here's the deal. I'm highly educated and make a pretty big salary for my area here in the Midwest. I've dated men who have been intimidated by my education and my salary (don't worry, I don't bring it up, they just figure I must do well because of my job title). So in my "what I'm looking for" section, I haven't limited it to much (I don't get concerned about body type, hair or eye color, baldness, race...those are things we can figure out later if we are a match).
However, I have said I want a certain salary and a certain level of education (I just say college or greater, but salary might be high). Now I think I might be coming off as a gold digger. I didn't fill in my salary, just "tell you later". I'm definitely not a gold digger, but I don't want someone who is intimidated by me. Heck, I don't make that much, but it is always more than they do.
How should I deal? I swear my education and salary killed my last relationship (well, it contributed to it's death :-) He kept asking me why someone like me would date him. I kept saying because I liked him...he floated off, telling me I could do better. Isn't that up to me to decide? I lived in poverty for so long while going to school. All I want is someone to celebrate my middle-class status with me and not worry about it if I earn more than they do. Do these males exist?
ugh, confused. Let me have it. Am I coming off as obnoxious?
Chick

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Bottom line... it really does not matter what anyone else thinks. I believe that relationships are self selecting, i.e. if someone walks then the relationship was not meant to be a relationship. If you get dumped then the guy was not right for you (or visa versa)no matter what the reason is IMHO.
I do believe that from each relationship that I need to learn from it, about who I am, about the choices I made, about what things I would like to change next time, etc.
Make sense?
Mark
Again, Mark is the voice of wisdom!
I might be turned off not by the education or salary of a physician, but the thought that a physician is likely to work many long hours. Since that was an issue with my ex, I wouldn't want to go down that road again. It wouldn't prevent me from meeting a doctor, or even dating, but It would never leave my mind.
For my profession I put librarian but I don't say that I work in a school (for security reasons) or put my salary (because it is no ones business). Librarians are honored by a small segment of society and I'm really only interested in those who belong to that segment. And yes, I think if I were a physician, I would say 'medical' and leave it at that.
Thanks everyone. Some good suggestions here, and you've got me thinking. I don't say I'm a doctor in my profile because even though I am, I don't practice medicine. I'm in industry (pharmaceutical) so I have some pretty normal working hours, although travel can get extreme sometimes. I try to keep that to a minimum so I can have a normal life with my doggy and my friends.
I really think the lack of bites is my lack of picture. But I just hate having to worry that I could have a perfectly good match someday who couldn't handle me outearning him. The irony would be that he probably outearned me over his life span (man have I been poor), but that still doesn't seem to matter.
Mark, great thoughts. Watershed, I think the world of librarians. You guys are so dang smart and helpful!! I am emailing our librarian on a daily basis these days and she always delivers!!
Chick
How about getting involved in those sites or clubs that cater only to people within the same education and job status as you are in? I can't name any specifics, but I have seen these more exclusive clubs. That way you don't have to wade through the gazillions of emails that you are getting now.
I haven't read through the other emails so perhaps that was already suggested.
Oh, Maryanne, I'm not getting ANY emails! I know a big part of it is I lack a picture, but I think another part of it is because I don't post my salary, but ask for a pretty hefty one for where I live.
I did try science connect, and there were some pretty interesting guys on there, but from far away. The only person I got to emailing with from my city was recently divorced and said his biggest love in life was sex. When I told him that was a little odd to put in his profile, he went on to tell me that the lack of sex is what caused his divorce. I didn't quite know quite what to make of that, but I told him to have fun out there and be safe.
I now see him on Yahoo. I'm sure he's having the time of his life. Ah, scientists, (not to pi$$ anyone off, I am one too), we have no social skills....
Chick
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