The same people are on OLD forever

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
The same people are on OLD forever
6
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 8:55pm

A friend of mine asked me to find out if her exH (who she had started dating again) was back on match.com.  I had an account that I haven't been on in a very long time (maybe a year) and remembered that you could still look even if you weren't a paying member--I looked & found the guy right away that I was looking for.  Anyway that prompted match to start emailing me again to try to start a paying membership.  Today they sent me 24 new "matches" and I just looked at the email with the guys' pictures and practically all of them I recognized.  I'm sure they'd say the same about me if I joined up again but there are just so many guys who seem to stay on these OLD sites for years.  I just wonder whether they ever date anyone or it's that they date so many women they can't ever choose.  Once I found someone to date, I'd at least stay off for a while and then maybe go back--but again, that confirmed to me that there's no reason to join again. It would just be the same  people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sat, 02-22-2014 - 8:25pm

When i saw you,  Music Lover, and Florida Girl on here tonight, I felt better. Probably I shouldn't, because it's been a long time, but I think you know what I mean. But the truth is, the subject interests me and relates to me, too. Yes, I've had a few relationships in the meantime, took breaks, then went back to online dating. About to take my profile off POF, try one of the sites for older hip chickadees. Like US. 

Truth is dating doesn't get any easier, the older we get. Oh, well. Recently met a guy who's a few years younger, nice looking chap in shape, went out 1x after the initial meet. But I'm forcing it in a way. He's only been divorced for 2 years and I could say he's clueless. But texting instead of calling (for a week) isn't cutting it for me. 

Here's one example: Last night, Friday, he texted me to ask if I'd eaten. That was around 6:30 and he'd just gotten home from work. Maybe if I liked him more, I'd be more open to seeing him last minute. Truth is, he didn't exactly ask me out--but I thought he was going to and told him I was on my way to a friend's house. 

So I guess I'm not open to that kind of cluelessness. And I guess I'm not feeling IT, the big IT. The chemistry has to be conversational as well as the physical. It didn't help at all that he was hinting around for back rubs, complaining of backaches from shoveling. All in text messages. Too intimate, too soon. I told him nicely, but he guessed. He knew. And still pestered. A turn off. 

So it's not easy. Funny thing is that I have a friend in Sarasota who's nagging me to come down there and live. True there's an older population, meaning people over 50 are prevalent. Also I like the idea of being outside all the time, a life lived outdoors for a good part of the year. I used to live in Greece, I know that good weather puts people in a better mood. The point is that there's a lot going on and it's not a big pain with potholes the size of craters. And here I vowed not to talk about the weather. 

Those are some of my thoughts--I haven't posted here in a few years, as I mentioned--but I felt the need to say I'm one of the ones who's still at it. Less than before. Working on my 2nd novel--quite content to stay in tonight, in spite of its being date night. As a male friend of mine, who's never been married and is now running scared, says.

The guy I mentioned above texted me tonight around 6:00pm asking: So, what's going on? 

Yeah, I'd rather be cozy and at home than out with a guy who has no freakin' idea about what is going on. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 11:02pm

Oh I'm sure there is one group of guys who would like to meet someone nice & can't find anyone and another group of guys who get lots of dates but can never settle on one person--probably the same for women too.  I suppose it's like any other group of people in society.

I just keep up my profile on the free site and look at it occasionally because I figure that maybe someone new will come along--so I think it was this week that I found someone who looked nice, I emailed him & haven't heard back.  Like you, when I first started on OLD I really was trying to find someone and every time I emailed someone first I started to have the whole fantasy relationship in my head going before he even answered--then I'd get very disppointed when they didn't answer because I was sure they had so much in common.  Now I just try to forget about it.  I got 2 emails tonight--one was from a guy that I emailed maybe a week or 2 ago--I didn't even remember that I had done it--I didn't really think we were a match, there were just a couple of funny coincidences like his screen name was my  maiden name.  He wrote back & said he was dating someone.  I don't really care.  Another guy emailed me first but he's not appealing at all and he lives at least an hour from me which is too far for me--so not caring about that one either.

The thing is that even though I'm not dating anyone I'm a lot busier now doing things IRL than I was when I first started doing OLD so I have a lot less time to spend on it and I'm not sitting home thinking about being lonely (cause I'm not) so I don't care as much.  I'm pretty sure that if I do meet someone, it won't be through OLD.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 09-26-2013 - 6:20pm

Well, I would certainly qualify as one of those women who have been on OLD forever. I recently let my subscription run out again, but I first went online back in---wait for it---2003. 

As you know, I'm an "older single," so I'm just not as desirable on the market. I would like nothing more than to be in a committed relationship, but I just never met anyone online that I really clicked with (or they with me).

Backin 2003, I was only on very briefly. I was new to OLD, so I had tender, thin skin and was so offended when a man who contacted me first didn't write back to me after I answered him. We seemed to have a lot in common, so I took it hard. I wouldn't be offended now of course, because I know what it's like.

I swore I'd never do it again, but I went back about a year later, and have been off and on, sometimes off for a year, other times a few months. And yes, i have seen some of the same men online that I saw when I first went on.

After having done OLD for this length of time, I have to conclude that it is really difficult to find a match online. Oh, it seems like it should be so easy: just type in a few parameters and up pops pages of desirable, interesting men who would like to meet you. Well, hahahahahahaha! It's not that you can't meet someone--many people do--but it is so out of your control. Beyond doing all the right things like having a good photo and writing a good profile, you can't control who is online at any given time.

People say that many men are online because they are players, but honestly, most of the men I see who are online for a long time really aren't very attractive. I think a lot of them aren't very smooth, and just don't know how to attract women (read my post about Yellow Tooth man). Of course there are men online who are players, and men who are just lazy or too busy to try to meet women. And yes, there are the deluded ones who are looking for women 20 years younger.

So people might look at me online and think, "Oh, there's FloridaGirl again. What's her problem?" Well, let me tell you: I just can't seem to meet anyone suitable. So I tried for a long time. A really long time. And remember, it's not just me doing the "rejecting". There are men I contacted who never wrote back. There was a man who I wanted to date who didn't want to date me. I have done it for so long that I just don't bother meeting men who I just know I will have nothing in common with and who I find unappealing. I think there is tremendous burn-out and cynicism with OLD, and I know I just would have my profile up in case a miracle happened. I think I went numb over the whole thing. I lost hope.

Could it be that these men who have been on for a long time are like me? They really want to meet someone and just haven't in all this time?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 2:03am

Some site never purge their lists. You will always be on.  Check the EULA to be sure.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 12:24pm

Yes when match sends you their selection of daily matches, you can't tell if the guy has been active recently--sometimes I'd click on their profile ot read more and find out they hadn't been on in a long time.  I purposely hid my profile so I wouldn't be tempted to sign up again if I got a message (not that it was likely anyway).  But I keep one on POF since it's free and look around every few weeks and there are the same guys who have still been active that day--no matter when I sign in.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 10:20pm

I remember seeing this phenomenon when I was single--the same women over and over and over. After age 40, there is definitely a good number of hard core singles.  Not all these people are active though. A lot of people leave their profiles up when their membership expire. I'd always take mine down, but I was the exception, not the rule.