saying 'intimate' when you mean 'sexual'

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
saying 'intimate' when you mean 'sexual'
6
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:42am

Just an observation... and anyone, please feel free to comment because I'd love to hear anyone else's point of view!

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003

I agree. Intimiate is emotional. Intimate is not sex.

I've noticed that SOME people use the word "intimate" when referring to sexual activity because they are sexual active outside of a commmitted relationship and the word "initmate" sounds less slutty. If I said "I had sex with Mr.X" it has a different connotation than "I was intimate with Mr.X". The first phrase sounds more raw and physical. With the second phrase, I am trying to negate the fact I had sex outside of a committed relationship by implying that there was a deep emotional connection. Or perhaps the speaker is trying to convince herself that she didn't just have sex with a man she hardly knows, they were "intimate". There was a connection. So it's ok.

Hmmm...maybe we are reading too much into. LOL. But that's my take on it so far. :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

I use it because "having sex" sounds too crude to my ear when I'm talking with a stranger on these boards. "Are you physically intimate?" sounds like a "softer" question than "are you having sex?".

Sheri

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003

Wouldn't "sexually active" still 'sound less crude' and be more accurate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002

Well, this intrigued me so I went to dictionary.com to look it up. There are 7 different definitions for "intimate":

1. Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity
2. Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers
3. Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter
4. Marked by informality and privacy: an intimate nightclub
5. Very personal; private: an intimate letter
6. Of or involved in a sexual relationship
7. (noun) A close friend or confidant

So by the 6th definition which does not say a single thing about emotions only sexual, intimate is still an appropriate term to say that one is "involved in a sexual relationship". Yes, some of the other definitions do indeed involve emotions, but this word obviously can be used in a variety of contexts.

Another set of definitions from Princeton University also support this. See definition number 4. The synonym is "sexual"

adj 1: marked by close aquaintance, association, or familiarity; "intimate friend"; "intimate relations between economics, politics, and legal principles" - V.L. Parrington
2: having or fostering a warm or friendly atmosphere; especially through smallness and informality; "had a cozy chat"; "a relaxed informal manner"; "an intimate cocktail lounge"; "the small room was cozy and intimate"
3: having mutual interests or affections; of established friendship; "on familiar terms"; "pretending she is on an intimate footing with those she slanders"
4: involved in a sexual relationship; "the intimate (or sexual) relations between husband and wife"; "she had been intimate with many men"
5: innermost or essential; "the inner logic of Cubism"; "the internal contradictions of the theory"; "the intimate structure of matter"
6: thoroughly acquainted with through study or experience; "this girl, so intimate with nature"-W.H.Hudson; "knowledgeaIble about the technique of painting"- Herbert Read
n : someone to whom private matters are confided
v 1: give to understand; "I insinuated that I did not like his wife" 2: imply as a possibility; "The evidence suggests a need for more clarification"

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003

Okay, I see your point, BUT are we really using dictionary definitions when it comes to relationships?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002

I "love" a good debate too!

Yes, I would because you left of the last part of the definition you quoted "A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance." The key of that is the "with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance".

I guess I am an analytical and logical mind and think that there are so many definitions for love, intimacy and so on. As for love, you love your parents, children, pets and SOs in very different ways but you love them all. You might also "love" chocolate or a pair of shoes.

Also, you never said "real intimacy", you just said "saying intimate when you mean sexual". Just pointing out that by the dictionary definition of the word, that is acceptable. But also because intimate DOES apply to sexual in terms of relationships, I think that using the dictionary definitions IS OK. :-)

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