scammer or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
scammer or not?
16
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 11:36am

I've been contacted on Y! P from a "supposed" 55 year old man (I am 39). My age limit is 44, but I'm giving him a reluctant shot.

The other day, I asked him if he would post more photos of himself (there's currently only one posted). So, I receive an email from him stating that he had difficulty in posting one up, that he's not tech savvy. So, I'm like to myself, "Dude, you were able to post one up to your profile. How did you manage that one and now, unable to upload another?"

He also emailed me his personal email address and suggested maybe he could attach the photo through there. Um, no, I don't think so because one, I don't want a possible virus. Two, the directions on how to attach a photo are basically the same for almost every type of computer application.

From what he's written, he doesn't sound like a "scammer", but I don't know. He really hasn't shown the obvious signs of one, but the difficulty of uploading a photo is making me suspicious. I'm thinking he has to be much older than the photo he has currently up.

Any thoughts? And if my reluctance grows even more, how do I back out of this? I do not want to ghost on the man (I'm not that type of lady to do something like that - I think it's a mean thing to do and I've had my share of ghosting from men).

Thanks!




Edited 3/28/2010 1:05 pm ET by bkws2007

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: bkws2007
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:59pm
Regardless of his potential reasons...I just don't accept excuses of any kind online. Not worth it. If it sounds suspicious, it probably is.
sooooobig
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: bkws2007
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 1:06pm
Same here no photo no nothing. I do know that he romance scam thing has been going on for a long time there is one model agency in Hawaii that gets hit a lot. Usually things don't ad up even it these crooks are doing their homework.

dRIVING FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL
SINCE 1969

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos


Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: bkws2007
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 10:36am

My guess is that your trouble in finding a job has nothing to do with you looking to date online but the overall crappy economy.

With that said, I set up a separate "professional" email account so that potential employers don't get email from "fundrinkingdude@yahoo.com."

I have seen and read about women who had their profile photos taken and used for another online profile. Thems the risks for most guys (me included) will not respond to someone without a photo.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: bkws2007
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 4:07pm

Hi Mark,

I think it depends on the kind of environment you work at and probably how large a company it is. I work in a very small law firm and everybody is very friendly and gets along well. I have socialized w/ my boss outside of the office. On the other hand, I was so embarrassed when I got div for the 2nd time (and everybody in the office had come to my wedding) that I only told my boss & the office manager. We don't really discuss personal things that much, but maybe because everyone else but me is originally from a foreign country, that I feel a little detached, but yet I still like everyone.

Where my friend worked, I know she made some really good friends in her dept., so that even though she doesn't work there any more, she still sees them socially. Now she has a new job, VP of benefits for another large national company (although not as big as the bank). I don't really see what the problem is w/ people finding out you're doing OLD--they probably wouldn't be on the site if they weren't doing it also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
In reply to: bkws2007
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:55am

Thems da risks of going online, to put yourself "out there." Your ex-VP friend may just find a in-person dating service, get friends to introduce her, and get out in the real world and mingle as a more comfortable way of meeting someone.

I believe we construct stories for ourselves on what is acceptable or professional because if you really examine what that means, that means your personal life is separate and unknown from those in your professional life. People who you work with, work for, who work for you should not know if you are single or not, if you have a life outside of work or not.

I work at a company where we are "family." We know if someone has cancer or not. I use to work at places where we were "professionals" and our private lives were not acknowledged. I had my parents die and nobody really said anything at one place. I'd rather have the former than the latter for I think it is artificial to have two separate personas. Cannot we be caring, show emotion and acknowledge that we are single and looking at work?

OK, off soapbox now.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: bkws2007
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 10:25am
I have a question about your excuse no 1. I have a good friend who is divorced and she won't even do Facebook because she didn't want her photo on line. I explained to her that w/ FB they have privacy settings where only your friends could see what you posted, you didn't have to post anything about yourself, etc. So for OLD, she said she would never put a photo. Her last job was as VP of a very large bank and she felt it would be unprofessional, people she worked w/ might see it, etc. She is very attractive. Now I certainly understand that people might only want to meet someone who already has their picture to avoid that disappointment, but sometimes it's really not an excuse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: bkws2007
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 10:29pm
I agree there is so little legislation in the US about privacy and picture theft. I found a data mine that had all of my dating site listed not wonder I am have problems finding a job!!

dRIVING FOR THE RIGHTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL
SINCE 1969

xvx Pictures, Images and Photos


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: bkws2007
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 9:39pm

I can understand about not posting a picture because of a job if he is professional.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2009
In reply to: bkws2007
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 5:25pm

Yes, yes, yes!!! -- you hit it on the nose with reason #1!

I cannot go into specifics about this guy, but main story short:

I "researched" him and the dude's on FB and he's got a photo up. Now, do I still continue to write/talk to this guy? He's already told me a little white lie....




Edited 3/29/2010 5:26 pm ET by bkws2007
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: bkws2007
Mon, 03-29-2010 - 1:44pm

If the guy cannot figure out such things then he should not be on an ONLINE dating site.

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