Screening Profiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Screening Profiles
7
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 11:10pm

When I was using OLD services, I screened profiles for glaring red flags. I did not ever expect to see outstanding ads....good thing...because I never did. They were all the same old same old, cliches and all.

I was looking for a long-term relationship leading to marriage with an emotionally stable man. I didn't have much success. All of my first meets led to...well...basically nothing.

But, had I screened more strictly and only met men who impressed me on paper/email/phone...and only met men who like me, made it crystal clear that they were looking for the same type of rel'nship that I was...well...I never would have met anyone at all in the 3 years that I had done OLD. I figured that as long as there was nothing totally off-putting about the guy I'd see what he was like in person.

That was my approach. To what extent to you screen potential dates?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 11:39pm

Hi JK,

Since I am looking for the LTR also, I don't meet with guys who say they just want to have fun and come right out or hint at casual dating. There have even been a few that I have liked on paper, but then in a short conversation have heard it come out where they aren't serious about dating.

Yet I don't want to appear as if that is all I want (LTR), because I know it takes awhile of dating to build up to that point and to find out if you are even compatible, and then even more time to go past the infatuation period to where they start acting like their "real" selves, so if you make it past that point and can accept them for them (as I have found out the hard way that people do not change!), then there's a chnace for the relationship to work! But it's alot of hurdles to climb past first!

In screening, I also avoid any date that has 69 or any mention of anything sexual in his profile as generally these guys are basically just looking to get laid, which is fine for someone who wants that, but it isn't what I am looking for (well not right away in the relationship anyway ;) ).

I also avoid guys who talk too much about their mom, possible momma's boys - nobody wants to compete with momma! I also avoid guys who hang out at pool halls and bars alot since I'm not a big bar person and don't want that in my life all the time. So I guess basically, the things I don't want in my life, if they mention those things in their profiles, will make me skip them.

No matter how you screen, it can be tricky though since not everyone writes their own profile, so I don't feel it is then a true representation of themselves. But even if they do write their own profile, I feel that many basically say what they want to believe about themselves or what they think will make them more marketable. And I wonder why I do this sometimes!!!

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 12:28am

1.

 
 
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 2:43pm

I did my searches based on age (25-33, I'm 27) distance (within 20 miles), status (never married, divorced, widowed), shape (slim, athletic, 'average', 'a few extra pounds' - I'm very thin so I wouldn't want someone too big), religion, and politics. Among those, I'd have to look for whether they are willing to date someone with kids - not many are.

I'm pretty flexible on appearance, I don't have a specific 'type', as long as they're not butt-ugly (LOL)... All this left me with a very small pool to choose from.

Then it was a MUST to have something funny or creative in their profile. I just don't bother responding to cookie-cutter ads. If they don't know how to express humor in type, then they're not my type. And if they're not taking a chance putting something personal and unique, then they're just not trying hard enough to be worth my while.

Yeah, I'm kinda picky, but I got 3 meets ALL of which led to further dates. All of which I contacted first. The first 2 turned out to be mainly looking for sex, though they did put on a good act. And having stuck to my must-have lists I was able to recognize a really good catch when I found her. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 8:54pm

you know i was never good at this (screening profiles) - i thought i was, but uh no. Some people are just better at it than others (SP is very good at it!).

I think that it takes out the feeling of haivng things start naturally. That is huge for me. If i dont feel like things are natural and just happen, it takes alot of the spark away for me.

Having said that, I don't think you can ever know anyone until you spend some time with them. Sometimes its an hour or month or year before you see sides of them you don't like and aren't compatible with. You just can't know - and honestly I see a lot of people here trying to know everything about the person before they even get to know them. Many pre judgements are made - and I think thats why I have never liked online dating. Sometimes u just need time to make objective judgements/opinions.

I think that post that someone put on here - list of "must haves" and "important" requirements in a mate was so helpful. Because I am not a very good dater in the sense I dont have a lot of discerning abilities in the beginning - its a good way for me to keep things in line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 11:23pm

The first 2 things I always look for on a profile are: 1) Do they care if I have kids? 2) Do they smoke? Those are the most important.

I also pass if they have any sexual innuendos in their profile or sound really egotistical. Big turn-offs for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 9:31am
Yep, i find myself screening too. If I see any of the following - I say "next"
1. 2 or more children
2. "make me happy", "make me laugh", "amuse me" kind of stuff
3. "want to have fun"
4. "cuddle on the couch"
5. "not into playing games"
6. "my friends made me do it"
7. "i have never done this before"
8. have "69" in their user name/profile
9. have mustache
10. overweight
11. display of how overly smart/artsy he is
12. "been hurt before"
13. NASCAR or Harley
14. no pictures
15. over 40 and haven't been married before
the list goes on......
I choose to go on the very few dates now days and only if I have a feeling that there is some potential. I have a second meet today with the guy I met on Friday. We will see, he appears to be a very nicely balanced person and he didn't have any of the cliches in his profile :)
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 1:10pm

I screen my profiles with a fine toothed comb. I don't have a lot of free time to date, so when I do meet someone face to face, they really have to impress me.

If the profile has any of this, I skip:

1) No picture
2) Any mention of "country boy" or cowboy. (just not my thing)
3) Any negativity, like "lonely", "been hurt", "no drama" & the like.
4) Anyone who really makes a big deal out of a match being "fit" or "slim". My male friends told me they think I'm average in build, though I think I'm a few extra pounds. So, I put average since I'm on a massive diet/exercise program anyway. But, if a guy isn't willing to date someone curvy or a few extra pounds, I'm not interested anyway. I'm looking for someone who puts the inner qualities above the outer. But let's be honest, physical attraction is a big part, but I like someone who is willing to be open to the fact that their best match may not be a supermodel.
5) Regular smokers, drinkers & tobacco chewers.
6) Anyone who mentions they are fresh out of a relationship or marriage. I go by the 6 month rule on that.
7) Anyone with more than 2 kids.
8) Anyone who doesn't like cats.
9) Poor spelling & grammar
10) Any mention of sex whatsoever. To mention that means that they are probably obsessed with it, or will use the sexual part of the relationship to judge the rest of it.
11) Although I love handsome geeks, if they act like sports, cheesy animated TV shows or anything that is just goofy fun is somewhow "beneath" them. I love artsy, intellectual guys, but if they're pretentious about it, it's a turn-off. I love open-minded guys. Plus, I love sports & Family Guy!

So screen away! It's your life, so you have a right to be picky about whom you share it with.