Second date jitters

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Second date jitters
17
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 7:13am
Tonight I'm going on a second date with a guy that I went on a first date with two weeks ago. We've emailed and talked on the phone quite a bit but this second date is making me nervous. Is he going to try to kiss me, is he not going to try to kiss me, will he ask me out again, will he dump me, will we get along as well as we have been on the phone.......so many neurotic worries, so little time!!!! (he's the one that wanted me to help him with his profile on match, he hasn't talked about that anymore and actually hasn't been active for over a week - whatever that means!)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 10:27am
You know the good thing about this subject? If a guy truly IS emotionally-ripped there is NOTHING he can do to conceal it. A woman will know within 60 minutes (or two beers) if a guy is hung up on an ex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 10:40am

A man's attachment to his ex isn't always about love, either.

One guy I dated had been divorced 5 years (yay!) and he referred to her incessently -- all negative (boo!!). He obviously mistook me for someone who thinks all exes are ogres. Nope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:02am
I agree. I really don't know if this guys attachment is truly love either. He said he thinks it's more of a habit he can't break!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:08am

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It means he most likely has a secondary profile online that he uses. It's happened to me. Loverboy dates me and I check his profile and see no activity. Then I'm browsing and spot another profile that I just know is his (similar, unique language) with the message "Online Now!". Ding Ding - Busted!

I was re-reading your previous thread about this guy. At that time he was asking for help with his profile, which made him sound like a newbie. But now you say he's been on OLD sites before!

I think that's a brilliant gambit -- poor helpless mateless me, would all the chicks in the world please help me?? I wonder if men would fall for that one?

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:08am

I'm sorry it didn't work out. But I'm proud of you that you actually vocalized your concerns and question him. I know quite a few women that would have continued to date him before asking those questions.

I think continuing to talk to this guy is a waste of your time. 1) He is clearly not over his ex yet. 2) He is lying on his profile about where he lives because he got "busted" by his EX-girlfriend. For me the lying alone would have me say "See Ya Later". But the whole "busted" by his ex-girlfiend thing is sending up red flags with me.

It sounds like your instincts are seeing several red flags, follow those instincts. Don't waste your time and energy being a therapist for a guy who will probably get back together with his GF or move onto someone else. Give your time and energy to a guy that's excited about YOU.

P.S.- This is not at all at knock about you, but I think he is only calling because he likes that a girl other than his GF is giving him attention. Just my 2 cents...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:12am

donna, good for you for giving the guy a chance, and good for you for spotting those red flags and knowing what you DON'T want!

I really respect that you voiced it to him on the spot. So many people would not do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:40am

Yeah, I think that "busted by the ex" is a HUGE red flag too. If she is an ex, why the heck does she care that he is trying to find someone new and why the heck does he feel the need to hide it from her? That is bizarre. I have a feeling she is probably one of those exes that remains "friends with benefits" and they hook up out of convenience. That would explain him not being over her. Doesn't explain his lying about all these things esp. the being a "OLD newbie". What a jerk!

I'm glad you found out what kind of a guy he is early on Donna. Saves you a lot of heartbreak down the road.

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