second date went too far... help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
second date went too far... help!
34
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 6:29am

Hey there,

I just had my second date with this guy last night. We met on Match, an had our first date 10 days ago. We had a lot of fun, but due to my busy schedule last week, we couldn't meet up, only talked on the phone a few times. We finally went out again last night. Everything went well, and then it came the good-bye kiss. It started out as a sweet, tender kiss, and it grew passionate, and the next thing I knew, we were making out in the car! We didn't have sex, but was almost half-way there. He wanted to come back to my place with me, but I politely declined and said that I'd like to take it slow. He said that he understands and that we can take it at whatever speed I'd like. I think he was disappointed though. So we said good-bye, and also planned to see each other on Friday. Now I am freaked out. It wasn't technically sex-on-the-second-date, but we definitely went way further than what I'd expected for a second date. I wasn't ready yet... it didn't even feel right at the moment. This is not what I wanted. I wanted romance, and I always waited until I have strong feelings for someone before sleeping with them. I am not sure how to proceed from here... I was so looking forward to seeing him, but now I don't know how to feel anymore! Is it going to be weird if the next time we see each other, I ask him to forget about what happened last time and just take it slow? Should I take it as a warning that he would attempt sex so early in the dating process? How can I know that he is not just in for sex, from now on? I hope I didn't jeopardize the chance for a good relationship for giving in so early. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!!

J.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 2:58pm

Yes... I googled his name, and it shows up on the hospital website, as well as the med school's. He actually gave me his school and work emails too. But yeah, I can see how his mysterious behaviors can raise some suspicion.

I was talking to a friend and she said that cell phones are not allowed in the operating room, because it causes too much interference with the equipments, which makes sense. I don't expect him to have memorized my number either... Oh well, I'll just ask him what's going on when I see him.

Thanks for replying!




Edited 11/8/2005 3:17 pm ET by jjjj2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 7:21pm
It sounds like you are always going to come third or fourth if you keep seeing him -- he appears (admittedly, from this great distance) to be extremely impressed with himself and his own importance to the detriment of consideration for you and your time. I understand anecdotally that's how many surgeons are, but stilll....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 9:15pm
How comforting that surgeons are now emailing during surgery. If that's true (I'm hoping he's just being a cocky surgeon saying that), I will go off on my insurance company. Don't surgeons charge by the hour? Well, I want every frickin' moment accounted for, ya know? My brother is a doctor and nobody ever wonders what his intentions are. The dude's a player IMO. Calling at midnight is classic. Was everyone else in bed? Did you answer that call? I can't remember. I would have told him to pound salt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Tue, 12-20-2005 - 7:47pm
I'm a nurse. I have male doctor friends. I've dated a male doctor. It is undeniable that people in medicine are busy. However, I would not tolerate my new male doctor "friend" calling me at 12am after 2 dates and I work in the field! It could have taken him 2 minutes to make this call. Was he apologetic? Unfortunately, work is his priority most likely. This does not take away from the fact that you had a great date. You may have great chemistry and you may have tons in common. It also does not negate the fact that he liked you. He may still think you are smart, pretty etc. But is this kind of behavior appropriate? If it's like this now, what about later? Don't let it hurt your self-esteem or make you feel rejected. It is a really crazy bizarro lifestyle time-clock that he probably leads.

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