seeing his pic

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
seeing his pic
11
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 5:45pm
What would you do if you were chatting with someone for a few days and agreed to meet but didn't agree on the time yet, and then you see his pics and just feel like you don't want to meet him after all. There's absolutly no attraction whatsoever. It's just happened to me and I feel bad but I don't want to meet him now. I saw one pic previously but it was side on and he had sunglasses and a hat on so I couldn't see his features very good. I feel bad now ignoring him but I definitely don't want to meet him and I know it must sound terrible to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 6:20pm

Kathy,

Don't feel bad, this is something that has probably happened to everyone here.

I have actually never responded to someone that doesn't have a picture up on their profile. It's true, I could really be missing out, but I don't know why they wouldn't put a picture up in the first place. I thought out the scenario that you just described in my head the first time I was contacted by a "no pic" profile: What would I do if we hit it off on the phone and then I get their picture and I'm totally unattracted? It just puts people in a bad situation, IMO.

Don't feel shallow, because you need to be attracted to someone in order to be in a relationship with them. I understand how it makes you feel, though, because I'm exactly the same. I always hate to have to tell someone "not interested". It hurts cause I've been on the other side too.

Good luck...

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 6:23pm

NO, it doesn't sound terrible and stop beating yourself up over it! :-) Everyone has certain things they are attracted to and things they are not. It doesn't make anyone a bad person or shallow or anything.

Best suggestion is just to say something like "After thinking about it, I don't think it would be a good idea for us to meet." You don't owe him any more explanation - you have never met and you're not dating. A simple no thanks is perfectly fine. Block him after that if you don't want to hear an "argument" or a request for more explanation. He'll want one (likely) but you don't need to feel obligated to give it. If you don't want to meet him, saying the words is enough.

But lesson learned... never agree to meet someone (even without making specific plans) before seeing a real picture.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 7:03pm

Not at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 7:05pm

"But lesson learned... never agree to meet someone (even without making specific plans) before seeing a real picture."


Yup, I've sailed that ship as well!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 7:12pm
Thank you everybody for the advice and helping me to not feel so badly about this situation. I don't know what I was thinking, agreeing to meet like this. I'm not sure yet exactly how I'll go about doing this, but you've given me things to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: kathy748
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 11:29pm
i think you should keep your word and meet up with him. You never know, and if things don't work out romantically - maybe you could be friends. If not, nothing lost. It has happened to me over time with OLD - and I just learn from the experience. Get the picture before making a date to meet up - or if I do agree to meet up and the pic is bad after I make the date - I stll show up and keep the date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: kathy748
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 6:43am
I don't want to do that because he'll be able to tell that I'm not into him at all. That would be worse than not seeing him. Neither one of us would enjoy ourselves so why put either of us through that? I've decided not to meet him. I know that's the best thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: kathy748
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 10:31am

sg77 - I'd agree with you if they'd already made specific plans and set up a day and place to meet, but they haven't. kathy said that they'd talked about meeting but hadn't made any specific plans. I agree with her reasoning that she knows it will be a waste of time so why bother? When you are DEAD set against meeting someone, and you have told yourself that it absolutely won't work for whatever reason, then why waste everyone's time? Meeting him could only put false expectations in his mind about things and prolong this when she knows it isn't going anywhere.

I think only in cases where one person is feeling unsure or just nervous about someone because they are "not my type" or something should the person go ahead and meet. If you have your mind made up that it isn't going to work, 99.9% of the time, it isn't gonna work! :-)

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:47pm
I didn't put a picture in my profile for years, for one I didn't have the means to get a picture on there. And then I'd put a picture and people would write and it was so painfully obvious they hadn't read my profile, they just saw my picture and wrote, so for awhile I didn't have a picture up and only talked to people who wrote to me who was interested in me because of my profile. I had better luck then, maybe I should take my picture down. LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Mon, 06-27-2005 - 2:58pm
Well then do it with respect, don't just flake on him, how many times do we see women on here crying about how men just disappear, at least tell him you aren't interested any longer.

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