Seeing an OLD date/interest "Online Now" on site... does it bother you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Seeing an OLD date/interest "Online Now" on site... does it bother you?
5
Thu, 09-05-2013 - 3:53pm

 

Yeah, I know this might sound insecure, but is it just me or do others feel this way?

You start talking with someone, you start talking over the phone and texting, the vibe seems good.

Then for whatever reason, in whatever way (even though you might not actually sign in), you see your "interest" actively logged in online at the dating site (I.E. "Online Now").

Now I know it might seem hypocritical, and even though no commitment is made, it bothers me they are still "looking". I know they have every right to, but it still seems to sting, esp. if I have somewhat of a stong feeling for them in whatever stage of the OLD process we are in.

Am I crazy and the only one who feels like this at times, or are there others like me? Any recommendations on how to get over it?

I know, I probably sound like a huge tool, but I asked my friend who is OLDing as well and she is in the same predicament as me.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Stupid question here, but wouldn't he also see that you were logged on?  Don't you have to be logged on to see that he is logged on? 

But yea, the quirks of OLD I guess.  Before, you would have no idea that he was on the phone or on a date with someone else.  Normal human emotion, I think.  Part of dating, and why it is so important to remember what a date really is.  Getting to know someone before deciding if you even want to be romantically involved.  In this day and age we get romantically involved, then try to decide what we want, then get jealous that the other person is still dating others. 

Maybe we should go back to courting.  At least to a degree.  Good luck!

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

That's a good point Serenity.  I dont' know if it's OLD or just modern times, but a lot of people seem to rush into being romantic relationships instead of just getting to know each other.  I think it's different if somehow you got to know the person first through work or school or some activity, then by the time you went on a "date," you would already know that you liked each other to a certain extent.  For OLD, you don't know each other at all before you go on the 1st date (and to me, all the emailing & chatting on the phone really doesn't get you to know the other person, although I guess it helps rule out someone you don't want to meet--that's why I'd always want to meet really soon after 1st contact).

In the past, if I started chatting w/ someone on OLD, then I'd stop looking for other people--that turned out to be a waste of time.  What if the 1st guy never ended up wanting to meet in person, or what if we met & we never had a 2nd date?  

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I'd say its par for the course. I expected it to happen unless and until we went exclusive. It was a little different when we had a few emails going, and then they suddenly disappear on you, and then you notice them back looking.So they became disinterested in you for some reason. No biggie really but when you first start out, your skin isn't thick enough yet. Later it will just roll off you like water.

It makes sense that the more looking you do, the better chance of finding the best match. More looking means more people you start and stop communicating with along the way.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

I think it's better to not get your hopes up too much before you even meet. Emailing and texting doesn't really count for much in my opinion.

I have wondered about the "Online now!" thing myself. There was a guy I was casually seeing, and we were both on match.com, and it seemed like no matter when I logged on, he was online. I never downloaded the app for Match.com, but I'm wondering if there's a way to set it so that you are "always logged on" and if that's what he had? Perhaps there's a setting on the site that you can set to "online now."

Personally, I wouldn't want that, but I suppose if you wanted to stand there with a catchers mitt waiting to field all those emails, go for it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2002

Ok, Girls. I say take it light. So Do not get serious until you meet a few times and get really interested!!

Many times it looks like I am online and they try to chat with me, but I am not on line!! So the same is true for them.  Go easy!! Good luck out there!! And don't sweat it!