Separated vs. Widowed
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Separated vs. Widowed
| Sat, 02-12-2005 - 10:50am |
I've noticed that almost every man I see online is willing to date someone who is separated but hardly anyone is willing to date someone who is widowed. . This doesn't make sense to me. Has anyone else noticed this?

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>>AND posted a pic with he and his deceased wife (among the extras, not the main...) Clearly these men are NOT ready for a relationship with a new woman.<<
I hear ya. Obviously the situation differs.
I once saw a profile that had, no lie, a picture of a widowed lady, apparently on a picnic with her kids... until you look just a bit closer and realize that they are AT THE CEMETARY. So they're at his gravesite, and they've all got these weird robotic grins on their faces... yikes.
To be fair, though, I don't think that's a widow situation as much as it is a someone-with-serious-issues-to-work-out situation. Heaven knows there's people with issues that are NOT widowed.
Well, I never ran across a profile where it was noted that a widow was not acceptable. Guys have passed on me because I have children (LOL), but never because I'm a widow.
I can't speak for all widowed persons. For myself, it was clearly a case of being ready to move on and that happened on many different levels. When this occurs is different for each person.
I've seen the profiles posted where a man goes on about his lovely departed wife,etc. Actually, very admirable, but obviuously not ready to date again, IMO. I would never use my late husband as "baraomter" to measure a new man in my life. That would be unfair and unrealistic.
I think that dating again, regardless of the reason one is single, has everything to do with actually being "ready"...letting go of the past.
>>A few seemed like they were living off the insurance.<<
I don't think LG meant anything by that remark. At least I wasn't offended. He can have a very dry sense of humor sometimes. ;)
>>I don't think LG meant anything by that remark. At least I wasn't offended. He can have a very dry sense of humor sometimes. ;)
I actually wasn't kidding - I met someone who was widowed who didn't work and mentioned several times about essentially shopping and going out constantly and having too big a home. I just assumed that she must have inherited a bunch of money since most people have to work to be able to shop like that.
There have also been several profiles where "I'm financially well off" are mentioned (which you typically don't see in all profiles). Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions but that's the impression I got in those few instances.
Well, even if you weren't kidding, it still seems a little ludicrous to me. If the tables were turned, and it was a man stating the same thing, I would be totally turned off by it. I'd get the impression that they were trying to "impress" me with how much dough they had.
On the other hand, maybe they were trying to establish their financial independence? They may have experienced the stigma that widows are not only a sorry, sad lot, but financially needy as well and they were just trying to assure you that was not the case. (?)
In any event, it's bad form, IMO, to discuss that sort of thing so early on.
But thanks anyway for the unitentional chuckle!
Well, I am a 35 YO widow! My 42 YO husband suffered a massive, fatal heart attack last year. I haven't signed up for any online dating services yet, but I was thinking that when I do, I would not disclose my widowed status.
As far as "not living up" to the "perfection" of the late spouse goes, I harbor no illusions about either my perfection, or the perfection of my late husband! Some women in my bereavement group have canonized their husbands in death, but I live in the real world!
I am a professional, well-educated, well-traveled, articulate, cultured woman. If someone is going to discount me because my husband died, then it's his loss.
>>As far as "not living up" to the "perfection" of the late spouse goes, I harbor no illusions about either my perfection, or the perfection of my late husband! Some women in my bereavement group have canonized their husbands in death, but I live in the real world!
I am a professional, well-educated, well-traveled, articulate, cultured woman. If someone is going to discount me because my husband died, then it's his loss.
I'd work that somehow into my profile because I think you stated it very well.
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