"Settling" seen a different way....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
"Settling" seen a different way....
2
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 10:23am

I have been thinking about the whole "settling" issue. I wonder sometimes what's the line between a fantasy relationship and the one we wish we had; in otherwords, we all know we won't likely get something perfect, so how far from perfect can it be and still be acceptable and meet our needs?

With that in mind, I'm curious to hear about relationship experiences that you've all had that wound up being vastly different than you expected, either positive or negative (but mostly positive). Who has had a man who didn't initially seem "their type" turn into a wonderful love affair? and who has met somebody who seemed pretty great turn into a complete disaster? (Not counting short-term ghosts.) I'm kind of assuming that even the good ones ended, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

With an eye to this idea: How much can we rely on our initial impression of somebody and how often are we right? How often is what we THINK we want, what we really want or need?

I'll give you my take a little later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 10:59am

Interesting topic! I've had both instances happen. About 3 years ago, I began corresponding with a sailor through yahoo who was actually deployed in the middle of the ocean. We spoke on the phone a lot, emailed, IMed each other for 4 months until he got out of the military for good and came home. When we finally met, I wasn't attracted to him and felt upset that I had made a deep connection with someone who I wasn't physically attracted to. But I really liked him as a person, so I continued to see him. Eventually we fell in love and he became more and more attractive to me. We dated for a year and a half and unfortunetly did break up, but I always tell myself to give people chances, even if I don't feel the chemistry right away because I could have missed out on my ex. Although it was a nasty break-up and I don't particularly care for him (still owes me a good amount of money) He's probably the deepest love that I have ever had and I would never change that.

On the other hand, I have dated guys who fit my description of the "perfect man" to a T and they turn out to be emotionally messed up or just plain idiots. I'd be happy with a balance between the two and that's what I look for now. I'm going on a second date tonight with someone I met last Thursday, not sure he is my type or how attracted I am to him but I'm following my own rule and seeing if any chemistry develops :)

Stacey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Thu, 02-16-2006 - 12:31pm

Dr. Phil did a show this past week (I dvr'd) i.e. Love Smart Island - anyone see it?