Sex and Dating..How long should we wait?
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Sex and Dating..How long should we wait?
| Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:05pm |
There was a thread posted talking about the "common sense" of dating.
| Thu, 09-15-2005 - 2:05pm |
There was a thread posted talking about the "common sense" of dating.
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I was debating this same topic Jodie with another member on the board. We’re not in HS anymore, why can’t we enjoy the sex as your right, at our age we have experienced all types of lovers.
However if your like me your hoping the next person you sleep with may be your last, ha. Yes, sex is important but lets say I sleep with Joe Doe on date three – then we break up on date 6 – had I waited I would feel better that I didn’t have another notch under my bed post (I think it’s the opposite for us women). Yes there are men in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s that are players – sorry but age is just a number, you’re not experienced because you have lived, you’re experienced because you have lived and LEARNED. I’ve been played by men in their 30’s and 40’s – this is my experience typing at yeah, ha! I know way too many men in their late 40’s and 50’s that are immature in many regards. However the older ones know exactly what to say as they are experienced too and knows what works to get you in bed. Oh, I'm marriage minded, my parents have been together for 47 years, I'm 41, I'm not looking for sex -- ah hum ----those are the worst, hook, line and sinker! I have been there and done that! ACTIONS not WORDS is the key and if your like me you get swept away - I really have to be careful with this and admit it. I'm working hard on this part of dating, trust me I want to believe them but from my own dating experiences over time you will find out.
I think it’s wise to wait at least more than a handful of dates to see (if your meant to be together what's waiting a little bit to validate that?) if you have the friendship down—sex is easy, relationships are hard and trust is earned not given. How well do you know these men you’re sleeping with? Can you tell them your most innermost thoughts, do you still question things they do or say, and are there red flags? Then you shouldn’t be sleeping with them, why put your life on the line (were not talking protection but things happen with strangers) –do you really know this man?
Here is a repost from the other thread on my reasons for not placing an objective measurement such as having a certain number of dates or dating a set number of months:
This is the first time I've ever waited at all, so I'm going to go for the subjective measurements.
One more thought.
I don't like the implication that I am not "romantic at heart" because I have decided to wait...I am very much so. And sexual compatibility is absolutely crucial to me, but so are other facets of compatability.
Yes, it is easy to get caught up in the excitment but when you have been burned dozens of times, at some point you need to say, I need to do something different.
So, how do you wait? You just do, because you've learned it's the smart thing to do. Or you don't...and you risk getting burned, AGAIN.
Sheri
I think it's much more romantic to have someone date me and really get to know me first.
I agree that sexual compatibility is important (less so for some, more so for others).
my rule there are no rules no numbers.. you will never know if this frog will turn into your prince even if you sleep w/him date 3 or date 10. we have no crystal balance but there is a rule- i use actions and balance..
are you getting to know this guy? is he taking you out and working for you? are his words consistent w/ his actions? or is he just saying things to see how fast he can work you (his tests)
doesn't matter what age someone is some people still use people no matter what.. they don't care. and they don't want to wait..
i am by far a romantic and love getting myself swept of my feet, however like NW i believe in making changes if things don't work out the first few times, then look say hmm waht i can i do. i also love the act of being w/someone and passion..
i think you should wait at least a month to know if this guy is for real and in the game, if you do it right away he could then just end up using you for the time being. but if you allow him to get attached more mental/emotionally to you then when you do the deed its because he wants to w/ YOU not just becaause he wants something . we can all get it from anyone
so depends if you are just looking for a bootycall date one is fine but never exepct to see the guy again if you are looking for a r'ship i say wait until you have a good chance to get to know eachother and know you are both on the same page whenit comes to r'ships and monogamy.
You wrote: "You only get burned if you have differing expectations, and communication is key."
If you don't know someone well enough to know whether he's honest or not, asking what his expectations are is pointless.
Sheri
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