Sex and OLDing

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sex and OLDing
5
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 3:37pm
What's the average amount of time you wait (or the number of times you see the person) before having sex with someone?
On average, how many "relationships" have turned into sexual relationships? i.e 1 out of the past 10 people I've dated have actually become a sexual relationship
Do you think it's age-related at all? i.e. people in their 20s do it more readily? Or people who are divorced do it more easily since it's something they're used to having gotten regularly?
Do you find that relationships that include sex from an early point tend to be better in any way, or tend to last longer at all? If so, in what way and why?
Once you have sex with someone, are you still open to the possibility of meeting someone more suited for you? Or is it strictly exclusive from that point forward? If the latter, what if there really is someone better suited for you - that you'd be missing out on due to the exclusivity due to sexual involvement?
TIA,
JAYME
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
In reply to: city_gal
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 4:24pm

I've met 4 men in the past 2 months......Three of them were just one time meets only. The other man I dated 5 times (1 month) and things turned toward the physical. He kind of got freaked by that and gave me a long explanation about how he has issues with this since his divorce....7 years ago. We stopped seeing each other but will hopefully remain friends.

I need to be in an exclusive relationship to actually have sex with someone....I guess I'm just old fashioned.

I find that the men my age (40's) who are divorced actually take things slower because they've been hurt before. There's a ton of baggage out there...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: city_gal
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 4:50pm

I think we just had a thread about this...I *know* I posted my experience and current philosophy on sex and exclusivity recently.

Ah, here it is!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlcyber&msg=9162.1&ctx=128

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: city_gal
Sat, 05-07-2005 - 6:49pm
I don't know how you can have just a meet with so many men that don't work out and not feel depressed about them. I had a hard enough time with one but than again, I emailed too long where you probably didn't but still. I really can't see me meeting that many in that time and have them not work out. I guess that's just me.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: city_gal
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 1:30pm
I just met 8 guys in 25 days, and really liked a couple of them ... one told me today that he doesn't think we're a good match, and the other i'm seeing for a second time on friday ... it's amazing how picky men and women can be ... 4 of the 8 guys i met didn't ask for a second date.
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: city_gal
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:42pm
Hey, these are some great questions so here goes, although my OLD experience is short so I'm just gonna give you the overall historical tour, LOL...



What's the average amount of time you wait (or the number of times you see the person) before having sex with someone?
Pre-OLD my attitude was pretty much "anything goes, whenever it feels right". Of course that attitude has also gotten me into some icky situations. These days my attitude has more to do with health & safety, and avoiding that illusion of closeness that seems to go along with premature sex. Rather than amount of time or number of dates, it's more like however long it takes to get an idea of whether this COULD become a lasting relationship, get the friendship & respect stuff established, have us both on the 'same page' and agreeing to be exclusive AND agreeing on what that means. (The definition of 'exclusive' may vary from person to person.)



On average, how many "relationships" have turned into sexual relationships?
Haha, very funny! For me it's more like, how many sexual encounters have turned into actual relaitonships! Again, this is mostly pre-OLD, but only about 1/3 of people I'd slept with were (or became) r'ships of more than a couple months.



Do you think it's age-related at all? i.e. people in their 20s do it more readily? Or people who are divorced do it more easily since it's something they're used to having gotten regularly?

Not age per se, but individual experience will definitely affect your preference for having sex sooner or later in the course of dating a new person. And it might change depending on the situation... like those who are not looking for a serious r'ship might be more willing to have casual sex, those who have BTDT and want something more meaningful and lasting will probably be more likely to wait. Still, there are exceptions to any rule and it's really hard to generalize.



Do you find that relationships that include sex from an early point tend to be better in any way, or tend to last longer at all? If so, in what way and why?

Looking back on my history, I don't have a consistent pattern in that area.



Once you have sex with someone, are you still open to the possibility of meeting someone more suited for you? Or is it strictly exclusive from that point forward? Herein lies the difference between exclusivity and commitment. If I'm involved with someone sexually, it's definitely going to be exclusive - that would be agreed on BEFORE having sex. But even then, until things really get serious, I might be OPEN to meeting others, just not actively seeking it out - and if I did meet someone that might be better suited for me, I wouldn't act on it until breaking off the existing relationship.



If the latter, what if there really is someone better suited for you - that you'd be missing out on due to the exclusivity due to sexual involvement?

If I thought I was missing out on something better, I wouldn't agree to be exclusive. And then the real "commitment" comes when I get to the point of really & truly considering spending the rest of my life with this person. I've been there once but sadly it was not mutual. But in that time I was so confident and sure of it, that the thought that there might be someone better out there didn't even cross my mind for 3 years.