Sex on the first date..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sex on the first date..
17
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 3:40pm

Since I missed chat I thought I would find out what was discussed.

Can you have sex on the first date? Will it lead to something significant? Would you have sex on the first date?

I have had sex on a first date that led to an incredible relationship.

Thoughts????

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 4:14pm

Jodie,

I've had sex on the first date numerous times and in all frankness, it doesn't even phase me in regards to the relationship. My saying is that if it feels right; why not. I've had cases where I waited a month or longer and it didn't seem to make a difference.

John

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 4:32pm
Did you happen to watch the Oprah show from a few days ago that had the author of "He's Just Not That Into You" on it? He was talking about this very thing. Sex. He said it's not a good idea to have sex within the first 2 months. He said it's very cloudy. He said if you do/did that the relationship will be clearly defined as a purely sexual one. I have to say that I agree with him. I mean I'm sure there are exceptions to this, of course, there always is, but I think what he was saying makes total sense. I mean once you have sex you are definitely crossing over to the point of no return. I think it's fine if both parties are happy with it just being sexual, but I don't think I would hope for anything more than physical. This doesn't usually yield a lasting, long-term relationship.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:02pm

I had sex with my ex-husband on our first date. Obviously *THAT* turned into something significant (a 10 year r'ship including marriage)!

That said, I wouldn't do that now. Not because I think it's wrong or that things can't work out, but it doesn't work FOR ME anymore. I get too attached once I'm sleeping with someone and I'm not able to be objective about whether the man is a good potential partner or not. So, even if I find out things that I don't like about the guy a few months down the road, it's too late, I'm already hooked, and I try to FORCE the relationship to work. Plus, it makes me WAAAY more vulnerable emotionally...if I'd slept with every man I've dated for the last 8 years on the first date, I'd be a *basket case* (well, more of one than I already am!)!!!!

Two months, minimum, of regular dating (1-3 times a week) is my standard now.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:32pm
I had sex with my boyfriend on the second date...even though I swore I wasn't going to do it so soon again, I let my body take control of me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:41pm
No offense meant to you at all, but I think that is hooey. I think it depends on the people and the relationship. You can have sex early and have a great, long-term relationship or you can have sex early and have it be only sex. There is no set rule for any relationship. And just like everything that guy says as well as any other "self-help" author, I take everything with a grain of salt and know that absolutely nothing applies to every situation. But I think that particular generalization is even more hooey than a lot of other things. FAR too general.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 5:53pm

If this discussion is in regards to someone from OLD you just met, I would say no way in HELL should you, or would I, for that matter, ever sleep with them. Of course, I wouldn't ever sleep with someone on the first date period, even if I had known them for a while. You need to be in "dating mode" for a while IMO before you let sex enter the picture. You start with the physical stuff too early and it clouds your future judgement.

Besides, these days, you really can't be too careful, with all the STD's that are out there. In 99% of the first-date sex cases, I can't imagine you know each others detailed sex history very well if at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:09pm

My honest opinion and experience talking.


 
 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:49pm

Did you see the 2nd Oprah show he was on last week? He actually had VERY sound reasoning for his recommendation, I think.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 6:49pm

Yes, we did talk about this a little last night in chat. My opinion on the matter is to
do what feels right for you. If you have had bad luck sleeping with someone quickly in past relationships, maybe you would want to take it slow in the future.

I just don't really agree with JNITY guy. Not because I think people *should* have sex quickly, but because I don't like really hard and fast rules for every situation. If I really like a girl, and she wants to have sex after a couple of dates, it won't change my opinion of her, and it won't make me want to ghost.

I'm just such an "anti-rules" type of guy. Go with your heart and your gut.

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 7:07pm
Not me....I could never do it.....way too scary for me...

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