Sex on the first date..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Sex on the first date..
17
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 3:40pm

Since I missed chat I thought I would find out what was discussed.

Can you have sex on the first date? Will it lead to something significant? Would you have sex on the first date?

I have had sex on a first date that led to an incredible relationship.

Thoughts????

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 9:31pm

i think this jnity guy says this because of how we're biologically made. women "tend" to be more emotional , sex = emotional attachment . Men don't "tend" to be attached to sex. But I think honestly things have definetly changed bc women are so much more independent these days - the attachment doesn' tstem from needing security, women can and do have casual sex these days - as a norm.

but, honestly, the best experiences ive had with relationships is going slowly. Lord, can't believe I"m admitting that one since I"m a huge person with going w/ the flow. Looking back, I really have made a better relationship with guys that I haven't slept with in the first month or two. Its hard waiting and a way more ackward waiting, then having sex for the first time, but at that pt, you've really made a connection - and the sex is much better. You both have a chance to really get to know one another on a non sexual basis and i think this is over 50% of a good relationship. when you skip this part, sex takes over. I really do believe that people can build a healthy long lasting rs having sex earlier in dating - but to go slowly definetly is ideal.

my two cents

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 12:46am

>>Can you have sex on the first date?<<

Sure, you can do anything you want. Well, assuming the other person is willing to play along. :)

>>Will it lead to something significant?<<

Sometimes! I had first date sex with a gal that led to a relatively short (few months) but significant, mutually beneficial relationship. Okay, it was mostly about sex, but WOW, what sex it was! :)

>>Would you have sex on the first date?<<

Now? Nah, probably not. At least not with anyone I was seriously into. If there was that really-hot chemistry I might, but even then I'd want to have another date or three to see if there was anything more than the physical attraction.

Man, I'm old. If you went back in time and told the 23 year old me that I'd be saying that later, he'd laugh his butt off at you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 12:53am

>>Besides, these days, you really can't be too careful, with all the STD's that are out there.<<

Bah. You can catch whatever STD they might have just as easily, whether you're having sex on the first date or on the 100th.

The only thing that dating them for a while gives you is more of an ability to know and find out if they're the kind of person who'll lie to you about their STD status, or get a checkup or whatever.

But even then, you might still be dating a habitual compulsive liar who won't mention that flaming case of herpes. Ooops.

Personally, after my gf and I chatted about having sex and the consequences, and she expressed how important staying healthy was to her, I went to the doctor for a full checkup and had them MAIL me the results. Then I gave her the letter as a gift, shortly before I gave her something else (if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink). :)

Seriously, what time gives you is the chance to know a person. If you just wanna bump uglies and don't care about knowing them, first date/fifth date/fiftieth date, doesn't make much difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:43am

No, I despise Oprah so I never watch it.

Well, he very well might but I still hold to the fact that his or anyone's theories do not apply to 100% of the people 100% of the time. It may apply for a majority of people, but remember, a majority is only 50% + 1 person. The thing that really bugs me about this guy in particular is that everyone (not specifically saying anyone here, just the vibe I get of the total HJNTIY mania) seems to take every word he says as gospel and like he is the first person to ever have ideas about relationships.

All I am saying is that people that DO have sex before 2 months can go on to have long-term successful relationships and those that wait can also break up a month later because they are not compatible. I think he is overgeneralizing that everyone should wait at least 2 months. JMO.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:51am

<<>>

Me too.

It's not my SOP, but it happened.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 11:25am

Sure, you *can*...as I posted, I married a guy I slept with the night we met. But, I really think, based on my other experiences and observations, that is very much the exception, not the rule.

I do think his reasoning (that it takes a while for men to get emotionally attached, so you increase the chances that he is if you wait), combined with many if not most women being exactly the opposite, makes sense. Does it apply 100% of the time? No, of course not. But it does apply more often than not.

My feeling these days is why take the chance, if it's someone you like who you think could become a potential SO? Isn't dating hard enough without giving yourself and your potential budding r'ship every possible advantage? And don't we all want to minimize the heartbreak we go through? This is one way of doing so.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 12:24pm

I think the timing of sex has little to do with the quality of a potential relationship if both people like other aspects of each other (which they should!), to me, what is important is if it feels right and comfortable for the people involved. For some people that means waiting two months or more, for some, they just go with their heart whenever that may be. I tend to fall in the middle. I also had what I thought was a one night deal turn into a serious relationship so you really can't predict what will happen regardless of when you decide to sleep together.

I don't think there is a magic timetable for it and I am also tired of that HJNTIY book as well. Women need to do what feels right and comfortable to *them* and stop basing their decisions solely on whether it will make a man like them or not.

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