Sex & OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Sex & OLD
5
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 1:30am

Met a guy through OLD, been on 3 dates, physically attracted but not sure about the rest so far. He brought up sex as a topic (not necessarily related to us) on the 1st date (red flag I know!!!!!). This leads me to believe that it's all he wants... but i'm not so sure that that's not all that I want out of it. I have almost non-existant previous physical experience with men and am nervous that i'm just a little *too* ready.

Anyway, in general, sex w/ someone met through OLD - bad bad idea?

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: skol2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 2:01am

You will get varying opinions here - my 1st thought is that you have been out with him for 3 dates & if he hasnt "tried", then maybe he isnt just looking for sex. I think that SOMETIMES the average dates, prior to sex is 5 or 6 ... so you may be getting into the realm of his thinking the time is coming. Of course, everyone is different.


I personally see nothing wrong with sex b/w 2 consenting, understanding adults -as long as no one is bullsh*tting the other.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
In reply to: skol2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 2:05am

It really doesn't matter where you met him: the internet, the coffee shop around the corner, the grocery store...strange folks can and do abound everywhere. We should always be cautious and learn to trust our instincts. Is it a bad idea to have sex with someone you met the net? No, not necessarily. Again, be careful and know what you want.

Would you be emotionally prepared to handle the idea that this guy was only interested in indulging in your body? How would you feel if he disappeared afterwards?

Are you seeking a long term relationship or really okay with a casual fling?

The fact that you haven't had much physical interaction with the opposite sex concerns me a bit. It's one thing to act passionately, but sometimes, the feelings left over from such an experience can be a tremendous emotional drain if/when things don't turn out the way we hoped.

Listen to your heart and your head :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
In reply to: skol2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 7:03am
I wouldn't consider talking about sex on the first date a red flag. But it obviously made you uncomfortable. Is that all he wants? Probably not, but he does want it. Obviously you are thinking that way too. Can you be honest with him? As in "I find you very attractive but am not sure about the rest of it yet". He will probably admit to the same. If you are hot for each other and you can keep your emotions out of it than go for it. If you have limited experience with men sexually than this could be good for you. In general sex with someone met through OLD is no more a bad idea or a good idea than any other situation. You decide. Play safe, have fun and eventually "Mr. Right" will show up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: skol2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 6:15pm

It truly depends on the guy and the situation. Here are my examples, in the year and a half I've been OLD:

Carey: met online and talked thru e-mail/IM for 4 days, talked on the phone once. He was SMOOTH, said all the sweet things women want to hear. First date, before I knew it, BAM! I was in bed with him. The next day, he said I was "too new to dating after a divorce", and we should "slow down". Didn't hear from him again till a year later!

Andy: met online, talked through e-mail/phone for about 2 weeks. We got along great, and it felt easy and nice. Ended up in bed on second date. We dated for about 2 months, and became great friends, but he didn't want a girlfriend, and I wanted to be a girlfriend. We stopped dating, but to this day, remain good friends, and still hang out occasionally.

Jason: met online, talked for 4 days on the phone (for at least 2 hours every night), skipping e-mail junk, then met IRL. We've been out twice in the last 2 weeks, talked on the phone every night, IM'd and texted throughout the days. I decided that if he really wanted to get to know me, then he would be OK with not having sex right away, so we discussed it (before we even met IRL), and he was OK with it. "I'll be comfortable having sex with you as soon as you're comfortable calling me your girlfried." is what I said, and he didn't rush and say, "But you are my girlfriend" or crap like that. He said OK, and we're getting to know each other without that in the way.

So, as you can see, there are so many ways it can go, whether you choose to have sex soon or not, depending on the guy, and the vibe you get from the situation. It's taken a year and a half of OLD for me to get comfortable with the notion that just because you meet somone online and feel attracted to them, doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. I think that with your limited sexual experience, you would be better off NOT having sex with them for a while, because (and I've been there) it will get you attached to them very quickly, and then if they leave, it will break your heart.

When in doubt, say no...and the right guy will be OK with it. If he's not OK with it, then he's clearly not the right guy...

Hope that helps...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
In reply to: skol2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 8:25pm
oh my gosh! Thank you all so much for your very non-judgemental (as opposed to some people in my real life), rational points of view and for sharing your experiences. I guess it comes down to, as you all pointed out, what do I really want? I have no idea what the answer to that is... I really think I'd be ok with a casual fling, but there's no way to know that for sure until it's done I guess. That is really the only part that makes me nervous, that whole woman/emotional thing... but with what we've done so far (and it hasn't been much at all, but still new to me in my inexperience) it's been fine. I guess this isn't so much an OLD question anymore except that another part of me is still a little scared about what could be hiding behind his persona... not that I've had reason to question it so far. And plus, as was pointed out, it really wouldn't matter where I met someone, OLD is no better/worse than meeting at a bar or anywhere else... thanks again.