Sex, Sex, Sex, and more Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Sex, Sex, Sex, and more Sex
27
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 1:37pm

Okay, what is triggering this post has been some of the recent threads on this board and then a conversation I had with a gf of mine who met a man in the supermarket last week. They exchanged numbers and their first date was at 2:00 am (he apparently works 16 hours a week) and had sex. The 2nd date (or encounter) was the same – okay he showed up at 1:30 am and they had sex. While talking with me, she stated that she really didn’t know the guy that well (Duh!!!) nor was it great sex. No intimacy or passion, no kissing, etc. basically sex. They did kiss on the sofa and he was an awful kisser. Well their last conversation was to stop having sex and to spend time getting to know each other. She apparently was getting frustrated with him cause he would spend his days hanging with friends (or working) and then want to pop over afterwards. Mind you, when they first met, he said all the right things via telephone (wants a serious relationship, one woman man, blah, blah, blah) and she thought she hit the jackpot!! Anyway he agreed they should interact more (outside of the bedroom), but I’m sure as most of you guys know, he hasn’t called!

Some of the posters on this board, have had sex after 1-2 encounters (or dates) and/or considering sex with a potential guy who is not exhibiting appropriate behavior for a monogamous or committed relationship. Heck, even some of the posts for FWB have been lacking in the sex department. Yes, I understand the “go with the flow” attitude or mentality, but are we really having sex to fulfill our sexual needs or have most become so desensitized that having sex is on the same playing field with making a phone call???

Thoughts, please...........

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:05pm

Hey, I’m “with you”....I posted to a poster below about this. I mean if he’s not kissing your or holding your hand and asks straight up for sex that should be a huge indicator that’s what he’s after, HELLO!!!! 

Then he’s not good and yet they want to see him again, blows my mind???? I’m lost??? Why not wait at least 4 or 5 dates – at least let them “date” you first.....what happened to old fashioned court ship? If a man wants a relationship he will ask you out properly and not be asking for it right off the bat, he will want to get to know you first. Yes, I understand the go with the flow but it seems like a lot of people are settling or getting what they can even if they are unhappy, glad you posted this.

I love kissing; it builds on the intimacy w/out being intimate yet. Romance AKA hold hands, glaze in each other eyes, blush a little ya know? That’s the good stuff.....

SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:22pm

Hi....

Obviously, I wouldn't answer for everyone, but....My experience is I can and do have sex early in relationships....*but* I have rarely seen people a second time that I don't really feel a strong attraction to and passion for. I did see one guy from OLD twice that I was not attracted to- only because I thought I would make a platonic friend out of him....We *did not* have sex. When I have sex someone, I feel something- chemistry and potential for something much more with them. I get something out of it...always...ever since I became an adult really. In addition, most of my adult life, my relationships, even though they start out fast and furious, have been long lasting ones- for the most part!...About 90% of them! :)) I guess I just know when something is going to go somewhere from the very beginning- at least *most* of the time. I have only made an couple of errors. I have not been hurt very badly in my life...except through my own foolishness or something like that.

Sara




Edited 1/4/2006 2:29 pm ET by saralm
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:25pm

So true SP, but what's frustrating is although it is obvious the guy just wants sex or a non-committed situation, the majority are NOT being sexually satisfied. My focus is mainly on the sexual act! I've been celibate for quite some time and can admit my reasoning for doing so was because the last 2 encounters were so unfulfilling that I was like "what's the point!" Mind you, these men were not very forthcoming outside of the bedroom (conversation, time) so obviously the behavior spilled over into the bedroom! Seems logical -- right!

My gf and others have probably had sex with several different men, but the actual act was mediocre at best. Since when did sex become acceptable without intimacy, passion, kissing, touching, fondling, caring, etc. I'm just confused as to "WHY KEEP DOING IT -- ESPECIALLY WITH THE SAME GUY???" I guess BAD sex is better than NO sex!!! Of course, maybe he will get better?? But if he's NOT calling consistently or asking you out wanting to get to know you better, then why would you expect amazing sex at 2:00 AM??? It's just a shame that now sex has become some unfulfilling, selfless act, and it's being more accepted. Sex is probably one of the greatest gift towards intimacy and closeness, but nowadays having bad sex is better than having a conversation about being respected -- which these days is pretty scary!! Easier to get naked then conversate! Why are people continuously having unfulfilling sex?? I just don't understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:47pm
Why make judgements about what other people do? It's their business, if they want to have sex on the first date, in the first hour or in the first minute, it's perfectly okay with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:50pm

This is a message "discussion board" -- we post/talk/debate/judge every dating topic you can think of and that is what this is for. If you want to participate on "why" great and if "not" there are other posts for you to participate in. I think this is a "great topic" as a lot of women seem to be settling for way less than they deserve and it intrigues me as well as a few others to no end. Might as well stay home and take care of yourself, LOL.

Cheers,
SP

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:52pm

I totally disagree!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 3:00pm

I'm not making judgments and you are missing my point and/or taking it personally. I don't care if you have sex on the first date, first hour or minute (actually I do, but that's not the point of this post) -- I'm focusing on the act itself. Why keep having sex if you are not being pleased or fulfilled or from men whose behavior outside of the bedroom is lacking??

I'm NOT having sex, and most are but NOT being fulfilled. What's up with that??? I guess the odds of having great sex is increased if you keep doing it? Reread some of the recent posts and enlighten me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 3:03pm
I agree – one poster wrote about how some guy asked her straight up for it, didn’t kiss her or anything, it wasn’t even good then is concerned because he hasn’t asked her out again and was wondering if she should – that’s what we’re talking about here.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 3:13pm

misunderstood....




Edited 1/4/2006 3:49 pm ET by firstamendment

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 3:27pm

Sorry Jennie, you are missing my point and no I don't have a problem asking for an STD test before engaging in sex! Interesting question, but I would bet getting naked is easier than asking a man to do that!! Heck, I would bet the mindset is since we use condoms than why bother.

Again, my focus is on the act itself. Since when does having sex mean not having passion, intimacy, kissing, fondling, touching, caressing or better yet just being sexually fulfilled when it's over?? Possibly having casual sex or a FWB, then of course, feeling good is not part of the equation during the act??

Sorry to keep repeating myself, but I'm focusing on the actual act of having sex not when you choose to do it nor if you are into having casual or FWB sex.

Pages