Sex Talk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Sex Talk...
9
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 10:16am
Hey all!
This is yet another episode in my "Adventures in Online Dating". I've "met" a guy who I'm really vibing with. We have really fun, great conversations and seem to have many things in common. Though I'm taking my time to get to know him AND I continue to talk to and meet other guys, I'm really feeling this guy. He lives on the other side of the country, though (I'm in GA, he's in MD). However, he'll be in Atlanta in two weeks and we're gonna meet then. He's sooooo sexy, y'all!!! So, here's the thing....we've been talking for about two weeks, and I feel so comfortable talking to him about deep stuff. Recently (last night), we had our first conversation about S-E-X! It wasn't lude or crude like, "what's your favorite position?" It was very mature and he was respectful. We talked about our romantic (erotic) fantasies, the movie "Unfaithful", and the fact that we both prefer to make love to someone we're in a relationship with. It was lots of fun! Now, I'm afraid that it'll be awkward when we meet, since we've talked about it, you know? I know me; I'm very shy when it comes to sex. Talking on the phone is different from face to face; I can say pretty much anything to someone I'm not facing. Will I be so embarrassed at the conversation(s) we've had that I'll act like a weird schoolgirl when we meet? How do I quell those feelings of shyness when we're face to face? Should I avoid more sex talk so as not to be too uncomfortable when we meet? I DEFINITELY know that I WILL NOT be sleeping with this guy when he comes down here, and I'm confident that he won't expect that because I've given him every reason to believe that I'm not going to be his Atlanta fling. He is sexy, though, so I'll have to practice some restraint!! Any comments/ advice/ opinions are appreciated.



Edited 5/23/2006 10:21 am ET by mali2579
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 10:48am

What I found is more awkward is that when I have finally met my online passion (after being sexual online/phone) is that there is no chemistry or worse, that she is physically unattractive.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 11:00am
Thanks for the reply. I definitely have no control over the chemistry thing; we may have chemistry face to face, we may not. We have seen pics of each other, so there's no mystery as far as looks are concerned. I find him attractive and he's told me that I'm attractive to him. Hopefully, the chemistry will be there too!!
Thanks again.
Mali
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 11:05am

Yeah...somehow, I just can't see that any conversation with a total stranger could be both about sex *and* respectful!!! It's a total oxymoron to me.

You're falling into the false sense of intimacy trap from talking too much prior to meeting. Back WAY up.

I hope you WILL act shy when you see him...THAT would be the more appropriate way to act with a total stranger! You're letting yourself think that somehow this guy isn't a stranger, when he is.

My bet would be that he's grooming you to have sex with him when you meet, despite your intentions. After all, you've talked about sex, you know each other well, blah, blah, blah (that will be his argument).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 11:35am
Hi.
I understand where you're coming from; however, I have to disagree with some of the things you've said. I'm a very very smart girl, and I'm definitely not falling into a false sense of intimacy with the guy. As I said in my post, I continue to talk to and meet other guys casually, indicating that I'm not stuck on this one guy. The main topic of most of our conversations have been about each other, our careers, education, family, friends, etc. We had a brief conversation about intimacy, and it was respectful. I had a recent experience with a guy I met online, and he did bring up sex in a very crude way. I was turned off by it and I don't speak to him anymore. I feel that this one is different. Yes, I am aware that he is a stranger to me because I haven't yet met him. However, I know what my intentions are and I know that I'm not going to go so far as to compromise myself and rush into anything. I really don't think that he's "grooming" me to have sex with him; however, I don't know that for sure. What I do know is what I will and won't do, regardless of his intentions. The main purpose of my post was to get opinions from people who have experienced intimate talk with people they met online, and how they were able to quell any feelings of awkwardness that may have been present once they met in person. I've seen people post on this board about how they become physical with these men shortly after meeting them. While that's not something I would do, I believe that people can do what they want to do as long as they're aware of the possible consequences of their actions. Different strokes for different folks, right?
Thanks again for your reply.


Edited 5/23/2006 11:36 am ET by mali2579
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 12:00pm

Where did I say that you weren't smart???? I'm not sure what the heck that has to do with anything, anyway...smart people can make mistakes, it has nothing to do with being smart (I'm not saying that you *are* making a mistake, just kind of scratching my head on why you said that!).

So, are you telling me that you'd have that conversation with a total stranger you just met on the street? If you wouldn't, then IMO you ARE feeling a false sense of intimacy. It has nothiing to do with whether you're still talking to other people or not.

I haven't met any of the guys who talked about sex prior to meeting (stopped talking to them) so I can't help you with that, sorry. But I do think that feeling awkward would be good protection for you...you *should* feel a little awkward meeting a stranger who has discussed sex with you, "respectfully" or not (again, to me, the mere fact that someone would bring up any discussion of sex early on is disrespectful...just because it isn't crude, doesn't mean it's not disrespectful!). Having an attitude of, "ok, this guy seems like he is a good guy, but he did have that rather inappropriate conversation with me" (and having that cause some awkwardness) would not be a bad thing, is all I'm saying.

And I'm not saying that you'll go along with his intentions...just that you should be aware of the (IMO, very strong) possibility that this is what's happening from his end, so you can be prepared if it happens.

Of course people can do whatever they want to do...but if you're not looking for a sex-focused relationship, there are certain things that you can do (or not do) that will increase your chances of finding one that fits the bill.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 12:10pm
Thanks again for your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 4:12pm

Hey Mali, I too am in Atlanta, Sandy Springs. Where are you?

Yes, I believe you should hold off on more future sex talk and definitely practice restraint. You sound like me -- I am more open over the phone and a lil reserved in person, but sometimes it just depends on the vibe.

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2006
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 6:07am
Just be yourself and don't stress about it. He may be feeling just as awkward. First meetings are tough, but once you break the ice, things get better. So what if you act like a school girl. Some guys find that endearing. Again, be yourself and enjoy the visit. Kim
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 8:46am
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'm feeling good about meeting him. We've been talking pretty frequently and the sex talk hasn't even come up again; it was a brief, one-time conversation, so I know that it's not something that he expects to talk about. Our conversations are great, and they're usually about what's going on in the world and how our days are going. We usually talk for at least an hour. He knows that I'm somewhat shy and reserved and will probably expect that when he meets me. I'm excited!
Thank you for the reply!
Mali