Sex w/o exclusivity - am I nuts??!
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| Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:54am |
I am in a strange situation and need some perspective and advice - please help! I am in my 30s and my sexual history is that I have only had a handful of partners and all have been people who I was involved with seriously. In most instances I dated the guy for a matter of months before becoming intimate, usually with a discussion about exclusivity and with OLD guys about taking down profiles. I have never done the ONS/casual sex thing and have always felt pretty in control of myself sexually.
However, I met this guy online two weeks ago, and it was like fireworks. I am so intensely attracted to him that I can't even describe it. I have never felt this way about anyone before. We have had two intense makeout sessions (no clothing removed or even breached, just intense in the level of passion). I am seeing him again tonight and for the first time in my life I honestly don't know if I have the willpower to refrain from sex w/him much longer. Part of me wants to just go for it. But I am torn over whether to initiate an exclusivity talk since we have been seeing each other such a short time. It seems too early. But then I think, how will I feel if I am sleeping with him and he is still seeing other women??
I should add that this isn't just a lust/sexual thing, we also have a lot in common and have a lot of fun together just doing whatever. We have had some really great talks about life and goals. I really think there is the potential for a LTR.
I don't think I am thinking very clearly right now so I wanted some outside input - what do you think I should do???

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I'm happy that you've found someone you're deathly attracted to. That's a good thing.
I've slept with 2 men in my life pretty early on and to tell you the truth it wasn't worth it. I really believe that when a man has sincere intentions he's going to want to hold off on the sex (especially if you're both in your 30's). Both these guys I slept with were guys I met online, also instant attraction and they were both pushy for it to happen. Now in hindsight I should've seen the signs. They didn't dump me, we continued dating for months afterwards, but I do think the sex came to early.
I'm 36 and my mindset is this: I DON'T GIVE FREEBIES. If it's not going to be exclusive, you've met the wrong girl, dude. Move on.
Yay! Glad to hear it went well and that you're feeling more comfortable with things. I've definitely found that it makes a difference to put myself more in control of the pacing by saying something like this.
So when are you seeing him again?
Sheri
Tuesday (4th) - we are grilling out and possibly going to the pool (ack! swimsuit anxiety! :). We've been seeing each other about twice a week which helps to keep things at a slower pace. I gotta tell you though, Tues sounds really far away!
Thanks again for the advice, you really helped me out!
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