Shocked About Guy #2

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Shocked About Guy #2
21
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 11:52am

Remember my big-time hunter/biker guy from Iowa that I dated for several weeks? The same one who had 3-4 deer heads in his living room and couldn't picture me riding a Harley for 300 miles w/him. Guess what? He messages me yesterday with a picture of him and his recent deer killing! Like I should be impressed by that. We talked superficially for a few minutes, but I told him that I knew I'd never hear from him again after that last strange phone call we had. He tells me that he didn't like my "SARCASM" that night! Can you believe this idiot? There was no sarcasm in our conversation that night--only some teasing like we'd always done. He led me to believe he wanted to start over and then bailed a 2nd time. He glossed over that like that was no big deal.

He went on to tell me that he had some "free time" between now and the next hunting season. I informed him that he didn't get a third chance to bail on me and that I deserved better. He admitted that I did deserve better. However, he also said he enjoyed being able to stay out "hunting" as long as he wanted without worrying about someone being mad at him when he got home. I told him that maybe it was best he was alone and that he'd probably stay that way for at least another 10 years or so with the attitude he had. I ended the conversation by telling him that he was a selfish guy and that I was glad I found that out sooner rather than later and that I would NOT be seeing him around. Revenge is sweet, however, I was doing nicely with forgetting this jerk before this conversation took place. I just can't get over him even contacting me. What an idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 3:13pm
LOL I loved your post. Yeah, I think that might be the only type of woman this guy would have any staying power with. My general feeling about this guy was that he really is fine by himself 90% of the time but wants a woman maybe 10% of the time (or possibly less). Most women need more than 10% in a relationship, and I know that I needed more than that. There are a few woman who are really into hunting, but the odds are slim that he will find a woman who is a hunter and also meets his other list of qualifications. He did jerk me around and he did deserve all that I said to him and then some. I could have told him that his hunting obsession bordered on psychotic behavior since he seemed to base most of his conversations on "hunting" in general. I do not like how things turned out with him, but he is now blocked from my messenger list, so I won't have to deal with him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 3:21pm

You aren't going to wake that guy up by calling him a selfish jerk, nor will you change the world with that attitude.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 3:23pm
sounds like this guy is a permanent bachelor. he wants a woman sometimes for some fun but when it comes to his real life he only sees them as an interference. i say good job for ditching this loser because he is not worth your time at all. guys like him dont make much sense. i do have some guy friends like him that insist upon never getting married. i still dont get them. and their reasons dont always make sense, but i still love them. i just dont think id ever go beyond friendship with them. and this guy is definately one of those type, not datable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 3:25pm
Jennie, I don't agree with a lot of your advice, and I don't think you wrote the book on dating. I was QUITE justified in my response to this jerk and DID NOT SAY all that I wanted to say to him. I did not tell him he was a jerk, but I made clear to him that his behavior towards me was not tolerated. Or maybe, like some guys, you just don't "get it".


Edited 12/7/2005 3:33 pm ET by mitsy2
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 4:35pm

<glad he won't see you again, versus being disappointed that his actions made him miss out on something with a great girl>>


FA I completely agree with you!


Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 4:46pm

I can tell you why I disagree. This man insulted her for the sole purpose of making her uncomfortable. He was expecting her to act like a lady and quash her discomfort, in which case he could pour on more insults.

By telling him there is something wrong with him, mitsy stood up for herself and made it very clear she wasn't going to be a doormat when somebody called her on HER phone line and insulted her.

Some people relish in hurting other people, I'm glad she stopped him and gave him a piece of her mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 4:57pm

I was nice to this guy long after he bailed on me the first time. I even e-mailed him after he apparently bailed the 2nd time and asked how he was doing.

Get a clue...he was LONG past the time limit for being nice and understanding. Why pusy-foot around something by trying to be phony nice to a guy who doesn't deserve it. Does that make you look good? No, wimp is the term that comes to mind.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 5:38pm

Or, his agenda could have been to get her riled up enough so she would lash out and he could then dismiss her as a bitch.

I know when I am coldly polite to someone and say "I'm not interested in talking to you further, goodbye" that I am not being a doormat, but neither am I sinking to the level of the person who is behaving badly. To me, it's much more important to retain pride and dignity than to give someone who doesn't give a rat's behind about me or what I have to say a piece of my mind.

I don't think either approach is right or wrong, it's what's most important to the person in question.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 6:03pm

I agree with Sheri; there isn't necessarily a right or a wrong approach. Every person is different and every situation is different.

Personally, I've learned to take the high road. I don't like to give the other person the pleasure of knowing how angry or upset they've gotten me. When you simply "walk away," literally or figuratively, you're demonstrating that you have power, grace and self-control. Your dignity is still intact. The name calling matches are inmature. The other person is left looking like the child, because you're the unflappable one. If you end up blabbing while you're angry, you may say some things that you will later regret, and that may make you look foolish.

I would hardly call this behavior as "doormat-ish."

Meade

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 6:03pm

I've used both approaches...each have been satisfying in the specific situations they've been used in.

Solazzo