Should I call after several months?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Should I call after several months?
6
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 1:24pm

Hi everyone. I am a mostly lurker, but wanted to get some advice. Last spring I met a guy online and we dated very casually for about 3 months (maybe 2-3 times a month or so) We did actually sleep together twice, but never had any exclusive agreement or anything like that. At some point we had plans that he cancelled due to having to go out of town for work. We played phone tag back and forth for a couple weeks and at some point we just didn't seem to be getting ahold of each other so I didn't return his phone call. Since then we have both taken our profiles down (I took mine down because I was just tired of OLD - don't know why his is down) and I have changed my phone number. I do still have his phone number and have been considering calling him. Do you think that would be wierd? I am being realistic and know that since his profile is down, that may mean he is involved with someone now. And he may have cancelled on me because he didn't really want to date me. But I suppose he left the last message, not me, so that shows some interest right?

Anyway its been about 4 months since the phone tag, has it been too long? Advice please.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 1:34pm

No no no....do not call him.

CL-Truewild1969

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 3:45pm

No read my lips no don't call him. Stay away from the phone. If he wanted to talk to you he would have called you more than one time before just fading away. When a guy has any interest in you whatsoever he will not be able to put down the phone and stop calling you. If you call him now it will like you don't think much about yourself and will make you look sad. Even if he does take you back he knows at this point that he can treat you anyway he pleases even if means dissapearing for months on end, and he knows you will always come crawling back to him. And how would you feel if a woman answers his phone? Don't put yourself through what will be a needless unpleasant experience. Move on with your life. He has.

R.I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 9:27pm
im going to say that this actually depends on the circumstances. you said that you didnt return his call correct? did he attempt to call you after you didnt at all? maybe he took that as you didnt care. and you did change your phone number so he couldnt call you anymore. im going to say call him, but dont get your hopes up. maybe his is seeing somebody, or maybe he just doesnt want to speak to you. and if he does, dont go jumping into anything too fast. and if he starts to want to treat you like crap, hold your ground and be the strong woman that you are. dont pressure him, just keep it casual for a while. kind of a hey how are you type of thing. good luck!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 11:42pm

Thanks for your input everyone. I see everyone's point. I was kind of thinking that if he was really interested in me, he would have tried harder to get ahold of me. But, he could be thinking the same thing about me. It was really a one-for-one phone tag, he'd leave me a msg, I'd leave him a messgage, he'd leave me a message etc. He left the last one and I didn't return it.

I really don't see myself as the victim here, we really got along, and he never treated me like crap. (Yes he did cancel our last date, but he really did have to travel for work) I think both of us were just too busy to pursue a serious relationship, I'm really still too busy, so I'm thinking a casual relationship at this point might be a good thing.

I'm still undecided as to what to do, and I know there is a possibility he won't be interested, and I'm okay with that, so I guess I have nothing to lose. Anyway, thanks for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 11:53pm
how about you email him?
It is a little more casual and less embarrassing in case he is no interested anymore.
If you want to contact him do it by email and just say that it s been a while and you are wondering what he is up to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 3:57am

>I really don't see myself as the victim here
>we really got along, and he never treated me like crap.

If you didn't return his call I would say that he thought you weren't interested. He probably wasn't keen either and that's why he didn't chase you. It seems you can easily walk away from this again so I am concerned about whether you will end up confusing and/or hurting him. Think carefully about his feelings and your own before doing anything.

>I know there is a possibility he won't be interested, and I'm
>okay with that, so I guess I have nothing to lose

Just to repeat. What if he IS interested? You may have nothing to lose but you may end up causing him anguish if you are only looking for a short-term fling and he is interested in more.