Should I call and when?

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Should I call and when?
10
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 1:57am

I've been talking to a guy that I met online since the past 3 weeks. The conversations have been 15 min max and the number of phone calls exchanged per week = 1 or 2. He and I both have a busy schedule and we planned on meeting twice

(1) the first time we set up the exact date but not time
(2) the second time we kept it open to meet anyday during the week

In both the instances, he called to cancel because either he was busy, having business/personal dinners or catching up with some good friends.

It bothered me a little considering that he couldn't take time to meet me but then shrugged it off. Anyways, he asked me to call him when he cancelled the second meeting. I called him after 3 days. He wants to meet sometime next week, but I told him that next week is kinda busy for me and it will not be possible and that we can talk sometime next week to put down a date.

Since I'm not well, he told me

(1) to take rest
(2) if next week I want to go home straight from work to rest - he's fine with that
(3) if anything changes on my end and I could meet him - I should let him know
(4) to call him when I'm feeling better

Is this guy stringing me along? Does he only friendship? Is he taking it casual? What's going on his head / am I reading too much into it? Should I call him? What should I say in case he picks up the phone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 8:15am

Since you both have busy schedules, it may just take a little longer to meet up. If you're conversations have gone well, I wouldn't jump to conclusions that he isn't interested or stringing you along.

After you're feeling better (which I hope is soon), call and let him know you're ready to set a day/time to meet. If he cancels again, then let him make the next move. I wouldn't be so patient with him if he continues to cancel.

Sometimes, and I can't speak for him, guys (and even gals) will be in touch with several people until they find the one they want to date.

Callie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-16-2006 - 10:39am

I would call him when you feel better, and suggest a couple of times (no more than a week out) that would work for you to meet. But I wouldn't hold your breath--it sounds like he's at best only moderately interested in meeting you at best, given the fact that he's cancelled on you twice. He's probably juggling other dates. That's ok, that's what OLD is all about, but you should be doing the same thing and not really give him much if any thought unless and until you've met and had at least a couple of in-person dates.

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
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Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 3:47pm

ok, so I called him last sunday and left a voice mail for him. He called me back immediately and we talked. I told him that the coming week is busy for me to which he said that I could call him if anything changes. Then he suggested that we could probably meet on a weekend and asked him what weekend would work for me. I told him "next to next weekend" ie weekend of Oct 1. He has been invited by a friend on some parties for Oct 1 and Oct 8 weekends. but he said "ok" and told me that "we'll talk later this week" ie sometime later of the week that just passed. Neither did he call nor did I call.

Just to let you know, that I'm not playing any games here and did not delay the meeting in any way. But, yes, I didn't want to be readily available for him as well.

Now, what should I do? Should I call or wait for his call? What if he cancels Oct 1 weekend meeting (no time has been fixed yet) since he has been invited on parties, we didn't even fix the day - whether it's going to be Sat or Sunday. I guess we both assumed that we'll talk later in the week and then decide on these.

I hope I didn't get the impression that I'm playing hard or am not interested... please advice.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 4:52pm

I would wait for him to call you; if he's really interested, he'll do so by Wed or Thurs of this week, I think. The fact that he didn't call this week is not great, but it doesn't *necessarily* mean he's not interested, either.

But in the meantime, you should definitely keep emailing and meeting other guys. And don't hold the entire weekend free for him by any means.

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 6:07pm

Well, when he said that "We'll talk later this week", it was open-ended. He didn't say that he will call me or that I should call him. So, either he could have called me or I could have called him. But neither of us did.

I have a feeling that he probably wants me to take the initiative, since he is the one who calls and I just return his calls when I miss them. Am I wrong in thinking?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:05pm

I have no idea if you're correct about what he wants (but I'm confused--I thought you initiated the latest set of calls, not him?). The question is, if that is what he wants, are you comfortable with that? If you're ok with having to be the pursuer, then call him again. I would not be, personally, because I'd want to know he's interested without having to chase or prod him, so that's where my advice is coming from, but everyone's different. My feeling is that if he's really interested, he'll call you to set something up.

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:41pm

I was thinking of giving him a call on monday evening with something like this (as you advised earlier) so that I don't come out as the one who's pursuing -

"My last week was hectic, this coming week is going to be a long one for me and I might have to go to the office over the weekend (which infact is true) and considering that you have an invitation from your friend for the weekend, I was thinking if it works for you to meet during the week. I am open for Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Since I'll be in office till late evening and you are in your office till 8PM, we can perhaps get together for a coffee or something."

What do you think? Or do you really think I should wait for him to call me. I don't want to give an impression that I'm not interested.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 7:57pm

I'm starting to feel like a broken record ;-), but for the 3rd time, YES, I think you should wait for him to call you.

You called him last week and proposed getting together. He *knows* you're interested!!! The ball is in his court and if he is interested, he will call.

But if you DO decide to call him, my goodness, don't make it so complicated ;-)!!!! Just say, hey, I'm calling because we talked about getting together this weekend, does that work for you, and see what he says. If not, THEN you can propose a coffee during the week on the nights that work for you.

Sheri

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 8:07pm

This is the history and probably would make more sense as to who has been pursuing since I'm soooo confused at this stage on what I should be doing next.

(1) He called me and that was not a good time for me to talk. So, we talked for 5 minutes and I told him I'd call him the next day.
(2) I called him the next day and since I was not feeling well, we didn't talk much. He told me to call him when I got well.
(3) A week passed and I didn't call him. He then called me and we set up a coffee date.
(4) He called on the day of the date (thursday) and left me a voice mail cancelling it suggesting he'd call to set up another one. he said that he was available for the weekend as well but if we could set up something for maybe next week.
(5) I called him that evening (thursday evening) and said "it's OK" but I am not available for the weekend.
(6) He then called me on wednesday and wanted to put down a date. But since I was half-asleep I told him that except for 1 day the whole of next week was open and that I would have to check my schedule for the day that I am busy on and that I'd call him back.
(7) I called him back on friday and left a voice mail for him. Since he was busy for that weekend, I told him to call me on monday.
(8) He called me on tuesday and left me a voice mail saying that his schedule for this week is hectic and he will have a better idea on wednesday or thursday and that I should call him back.
(9) I called him thursday evening and left him a voice mail saying that I was down with fever and cold and had taken 2 days off. He called me back immediately and said that he had a dinner with one of his close friends on friday night and that I should call him when I'm well again.
(10) I called him back on sunday - ok, so I called him last sunday and left a voice mail for him. He called me back immediately and we talked. I told him that the coming week is busy for me to which he said that I could call him if anything changes. Then he suggested that we could probably meet on a weekend and asked him what weekend would work for me. I told him "next to next weekend" ie weekend of Oct 1. He has been invited by a friend on some parties for Oct 1 and Oct 8 weekends. but he said "ok" and told me that "we'll talk later this week" ie sometime later of the week that just passed. Neither did he call nor did I call.

1 last time - should I wait?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-23-2006 - 8:17pm
Yes.