Should I email after several weeks (5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Should I email after several weeks (5)
13
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 12:05am

so I met this guy on OLD. Went out few times. Made out once and he was super sweet and interested.
we made plans to go out on a weekend but he called and cancelled kuz he has family surprise visit... and promised we will go out another night.
Called me later to say he has to travel for work and doesnot know when he gets back.
I thought he was lying and did not want to tell the truth in my face that he changed his mind about me so I blocked him from my msn. Later he emails me saying he would contact me as soon as he gets back in town.
so I got furious that he is still lying to me and replied wishing him good luck in finding a girlfriend!!!

few weeks later I meet a guy who happens to be his friend and he tells me that the guy I dated was really moved to another country for work. and that he will be coming back to town in few days. so I realized that he was not lying and that I kind of screw up the whole thing.

It is been few weeks since last contact, I m thinking of sending him an email kuz I really liked the guy but some kind of misunderstanding happened.
What do you guys think?
Is it too desparate to contact him? or should I just send a casual email and see if he replies? I know he still does not have anyone at least since he came back (few days ago)
thnx

Julia

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:13am

Julia,

You say he is super sweet and interested but for no reason whatsoever you thought he was lying and then imply that he is looking for another girlfriend. If I were dating you I would consider these RED FLAGS. Leave him alone, I think you will make his life misery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 7:33am
when u met a person few times only and ou of nowhere he says he has to leave to another country after canceling one date with you already wont you have doubts that maybe he is geting out. Especially that when we first met he gave me the impression he is staying here for few months before he moves to another country for another few months...
I m not the person who trusts strangers right away which is not a Red Flag it is just what you learn from life.
He is looking for a GF thats why he met me on OLD.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 8:41am

Julia,

>I m not the person who trusts strangers right away which is
>not a Red Flag it is just what you learn from life.

The point is that if you hadn't met his friend by chance you would still think this man is a liar. I quote you: "so I realized that he was not lying and that I kind of screw up the whole thing." What makes this confusing is that his friend is a stranger but you believed him.

IMO: You acted irrationally and now you want to make amends. How often will this happen before you believe the things *he* says?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 9:37am
you are right!! I never asked myself how come I believed the friend who I just met!!
I think kuz he had no stakes and just mentioned it accidentally.
How long will it take for me to believe him. Dunno maybe if we know each other more and we become more than just dates (friends or more) then I will upgrade him
:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 10:04am
Don't contact him. You went all psycho on him and all the poor guy did was tell the truth. If he wants to get a hold of you, he will. Maybe the friend will mention he saw you and the guy will contact you then. It's not desperate to contact him but it still remains that if he wanted to get a hold of you while he was gone, he still had email and if he wants to get a hold of you now, he will. Back off - you screwed up with your lack of trust and if he chooses to forgive you, that's his choice.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 1:53pm

Has anyone considered that a friend would backup another friend's story? So it may very well be that this guy wasn't telling the truth, we will never really know that.


Either way... I would not contact him. There's no purpose to it. Go forward, take the lessons you have learned with this experience and ensure you do not make the same mistake again.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 3:29pm

few weeks later I meet a guy who happens to be his friend and he tells me that the guy I dated was really moved to another country for work.

Men are really good liars, and a lot of times they will enlist the help of their friends to assist them in their deceptions (which all factor into their grand scheme to bed as many women as possible. Remember how Scott Peterson told Amber Frey that he was in Paris? lol That is who your guy reminds me of.) Just be glad you didn't get serious about this flaky liar. Let him enjoy his new imaginary life in another country. :)

R.I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 6:40pm

see even you the people who are not involved were tempted to doubt his story. I was tempted to doubt him kuz he :
1- Cancelled a date with me
2- The second date he called to say he is moving to another country and does not know when he gets back and so he has to pack and leave asap to meet a client in another city for a big project blah blah blah...

How common is that? very uncommon. I m a rational person and dont rush to conclusion but this one beat me...

I m sure he was in another country for work. I heard the friends talking about him coming to town without realizing that I know him. The friend that I met does not know I knew his friend (confusing sentence I agree)

so all that to say that I did email him today with a brief how are ya? I met one of your friends at so and so and told me that you are back in town would you like to meet up sometime...
He replied that he will call me tonite to chat.
I m not one who uses people or who enjoys treating men like jerks. this guy is a very decent and honest one I realised and I will do my best to be as honest as he is!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 6:48pm

Im a little confused now.

So you DO believe him now? Do you really want to invest time dating someone that lives in another country? You said that you are a rational person, if you are rational maybe your gut was *telling* you he was lying?

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 7:12pm

he lives 6 months there and 6 months here and during the 6 months there he comes home sometimes.
He voiced his annoyance with living abroad many times and said he wants to come home sometime but feels beter if there is someone where he calls home.

I m not sure if I want a long distance for more than couple of months but I have a very difficult taste with men and it is been one year without having interest in any man on this planet!
so I thought I will give it a try. I live a v hectic life and I need to cool down b4 I can have a normal (closeby) partner.
I do believe his friends n him but I dont know why he did not try to explain the travel thing when we first met.

Pages