Should I email after several weeks (5)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Should I email after several weeks (5)
13
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 12:05am

so I met this guy on OLD. Went out few times. Made out once and he was super sweet and interested.
we made plans to go out on a weekend but he called and cancelled kuz he has family surprise visit... and promised we will go out another night.
Called me later to say he has to travel for work and doesnot know when he gets back.
I thought he was lying and did not want to tell the truth in my face that he changed his mind about me so I blocked him from my msn. Later he emails me saying he would contact me as soon as he gets back in town.
so I got furious that he is still lying to me and replied wishing him good luck in finding a girlfriend!!!

few weeks later I meet a guy who happens to be his friend and he tells me that the guy I dated was really moved to another country for work. and that he will be coming back to town in few days. so I realized that he was not lying and that I kind of screw up the whole thing.

It is been few weeks since last contact, I m thinking of sending him an email kuz I really liked the guy but some kind of misunderstanding happened.
What do you guys think?
Is it too desparate to contact him? or should I just send a casual email and see if he replies? I know he still does not have anyone at least since he came back (few days ago)
thnx

Julia

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 8:28pm

Hi Julia,
I'm brand new here, and your post inspired me to write. I think you should go with your gut and are correct to be suspicious of his behavior. He doesn't seem to offer details about his 'family visit' or 'work out of town' and doesn't seem to make firm plans to see you otherwise. And even if his mom is visiting, he could meet you for a coffee, and there are phones in other countries, so he could call....

And (sorry) but IMO he he were really interested, he'd want to keep in closer touch, to keep you from pursuing other men.

I think the biggest problem is that he doesn't inspire trust and confidence in you. I wouldn't shut him out completely, but I wouldn't rely on him either.

Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 10:34pm

If things do develop into something serious, at some point you'll have to talk over and apologize for all of the initial suspicions you held about him. About a week ago, I'd posted about my own dilemmas about trusting someone I met online and what I got out of those threads is that in OLD we tend to be hyper-sensitive about reading for "red flags" to the point that we might even be paranoid and irrational about it. And you should understand that those of us on the thread only know the information you provide, so many will jump the gun and make all kinds of suggestions that seem rash and unreasonable to you. If you are a reasonable and intelligent person, trust your own judgment.

By the way, in my situation, I chose to go with my gut and believe the man who had initially given me reason to question him. It's only been two weeks, but we are still seeing each other and placing great emphasis on being honest and open with one another, especially after the misunderstanding that started things off. It's been very nice so far and despite the warnings of many on the message board, I have to say that I made the right decision for myself. I hope you will do what's right for you and that things work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 11-18-2005 - 7:59am
Hi Julia,
I have to agree with Hal. You don't KNOW this guy, OR his friend(your new friend). Get AWAY from both of them. Don't you find it bizarre that he knows you and his friend corresponded already? That would creep me out. Be safe....
E

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