Should I lie about my age?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Should I lie about my age?
16
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 9:37am

Okay, it's a rhetorical question. I'm not going to lie about my age. But boy, am I tempted!

I'm turning 51. I also just rejoined online dating after several months of having decided it wasn't for me. (It still isn't for me, but there also isn't anything else.)

So here I am, on Yahoo this time (I was on Match before) and my search parameters are men 46 to 60. I don't want to go over 60 because most men over 60 are looking to retire (or have already retired) and I am not there yet. But most of the men 46 to 55 want women under 45. It's amazing. We're not talking youthful hunks here. We're talking your ordinary, balding medium-weight to heavy male with yowls and some wrinkles.

The thing about me is that though I am not fit and slender, I easily look 5 to 10 years younger than my age. (Not to myself. To myself I look aged. But when people consistently make mistakes about my age and express amazement that I have grown children, I begin to believe that I look 5 to 10 years younger.) So I _could_ lie about my age and get away with it.

And I am tempted because it might get some guy who has set his parameters for under 50 women to take a look at me and maybe like my profile. On the other hand, who wants to go out with a guy who wants only women who are younger than he? And who wants to start a possible relationship with a lie?

So I am not going to lie about my age. I just wish there were more men out there in my age bracket who were looking for companionship their own age instead of wanting younger women. Ah well.

So far I have had three guys (all older than me) interested. None of them are all that exciting, but I need to stop being picky.

My question is: has anyone here lied about her (or his) age? What has happened?

Elsa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:53am

Let's put it this way ... when men who write me cough up they have lied about their age in their profile due to search reasons and that they look younger...guess what, I hit DELETE that tells me everything I need to know right away about their character.


I'm not just saying this but I look MUCH younger then my age, I'm 37 but everyone agrees I look like I'm in my late 20's, maybe early 30's but I think great just means I'm blessed with good genes but I don't think since I look it, feel it and heck even act it doesn't mean I am therefore its ok to LIE, WRONG!

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 12:45pm

Hey Elsa, while I can understand your frustration since I'm 48, I think it's a slippery slope--if you start lying about your age, where does it end? I know you're not going to do it but I do understand being tempted. I also am told I look younger than I am so occasionally I am tempeted also, but I just couldn't do it and live with myself.

But thankfully not all men in our general age group are looking for younger women. In fact, 3 of the 6 guys who I'm currently dating or talking to by email and hoping to meet are younger than me, with the youngest being 43 (and don't be fooled by that high number--I just posted an ad on CL 10 days ago or so, so I'm winowing through the responses--I'm sure that number will drop by at least half in the next week or so ;-)).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 2:11pm

I've never lied, but at 35, I'm getting to the point where I can relate given I don't want to date anyone more than 6 or 7 years older.

My uncle lied because he wanted (in his imagination) someone much younger, but is now about to be married to someone only 6 years younger than he is (still a big age difference). She contacted him despite being older than his stated age range and he was intrigued anyway. In real life, these men, who state they want much younger woman online, are unlikely to turn down someone they find interesting/attractive based solely on age. Some must be putting down their fantasy age range. Why not try contacting a few who you think might be suitable even if you are outside their stated age range (don't if their age range is particularly obnoxioius)?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 4:45pm

I know where you are coming from. The thought has crossed my mind also. I can pass for 5-10 years younger than my age, in my 50's also. It is interesting that when I first started OLD I thought the same thing as you, all the men in our age group were looking for the younger number only, but now that I've got some OLD experience I found that most men have their "fantasy" age range and then after they get some experience with OLD they become more realistic. I'm actually getting contacted by men 10-20 years younger then me, which seems a little strange to me too. My range is 10 years younger and no higher than 60. Of course, I think some of these younger guys are just looking for a sugar mama, hahaha...got the wrong gal for that! We are in the best years of our life and we need a man that will appreciate and enjoy these years with us. If age is such a big deal for them, I say go for it guy! And, don't forget you can contact guys you find interesting, regardless of their age range! I have done this in the past and had good response, of course, nothing worked out as they all had some major defect!

Lying is never a good thing. I met a few guys who lied to me about their age and when I found out their real age I kicked them to the curb immediately! How can you start a trusting relationship out with a lie, what else will they lie about?

I believe that all things happen for a reason and what was meant to be will happen. When and if I meet the right man that could be a friend, partner and lover, regardless of age (within limits) and has integrity and an honest heart, will be an exciting day in my life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 5:51pm
I have a funny true story on lying about one's age. ALL the women in my mom's family look much younger than their actual age, myself included. When my grandparents were introduced, my grandfather assumed my grandmother was a year or two younger than he. She was actually 10 years older! At that time no man would be so crass as to ask a woman her age. They married and had 9 kids together before she hit menopause and had to admit her age. By then he didn't really care. Given she outlived him by 20+ years, the age difference really didn't matter.
I think guys who are too obsessed with attracting a significantly younger woman don't deserve my time- even if I happen to be in that bracket. I think it's odd that women are more accepting of the effects of ageing on men, yet men can't accept the same changes in women, yet I know far more age 45+ women who are ageing gracefully than men.
The wiser guys know that there is a great pool of women their own age, since the rest of the guys in that age bracket are busy getting shot down by much younger women.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 1:22am

I met one woman who lied about her age because she says that men have a cut off age (I think it was 50). I was just out of my marriage and did not really care for I was not interested in a relationship with her anyway.

Another woman I met and broke up with turned 50 but she posted on Yahoo that she was 49. I guess she used the same logic as the other woman.

Personally I agree with Sheri, if I was lied to about the age then I wonder what else does she lie about?

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 5:26pm

Peanut, I tend to agree. As I said, it was a rhetorical question. I don't like to lie. I have a full-body picture of me, and I identify myself as "a few extra pounds" and if I were asked I would admit that I color my hair and wear a hairpiece.

It's just unfair that the first thing some folks look at is age. And it's the one question you can't just leave blank. (I have taken to leaving the "religion" question for instance. It means that the guys who are looking for one specific religion don't get me high in their searches, but it also means that I am not being identified with a particular religion.

What I really wish is that we could leave the age question blank. Let people decide who they think they want to date based on other criteria. But I'm not going to lie, just complain.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 5:38pm

Yeah, not all the guys are obsessed with youth, but so many of them seem to be! And the cut off is exactly 50. I wish we could just leave age blank, but no, I wouldn't feel right about lying.

As I said, the pickings aren't good.

I do have a "meet and greet" scheduled for Wednesday with a guy. He seems nice enough (that's why I am meeting him) but he is 62 and retired. He says he's just looking for friendship and an activity partner and so I thought I'd give it a chance since, as you know from other posts elsewhere, I could use widening my circle of friends outside work.

Then there is this guy from out of state who sounds really good. He says he contacted me because he is relocating. We'll see.

Good luck with your CL ad!

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 5:48pm

Hi Murasaki,

It's funny about contacting guys even though I am outside their stated age-range. I once contacted a guy in whose age-range I fell, but who wanted a woman taller and thinner than me. I just said that I thought we had a lot in common. (On paper we did.) He replied angrily about how he didn't understand why he had such an attraction to women who were short and plump. I dread having the same thing happen with a man 50 year old man who wants a 35-45 yr old woman. I could pass for 45 (if what he wants is a young looking woman on his arm to show off to friends), but if what he's looking for is fertility, I am unlikely to produce any more children. I would really hate being told that some guy doesn't want to hear from old, infertile hags.

Not to mention that I have had more success with the guys who contact me first than with the ones whom I contact.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 6:06pm

Hi Judy,

Last summer, when I was on Match, I had a couple of much younger men contact me, but they made it clear that they were interested in sex and thought I might be available. I figure that's the kind of guy who is contacting anything female. I've contacted a couple of guys who were three or four years younger, but only if they had 50 as the age limit.

My ideal would be a man between 48 and 54. I just don't get it why men want much younger women. I'd be bored with a guy who did not remember the same stuff that I do.

I haven't had too much luck contacting guys either. Maybe it's because I am chubby (though the ones I contact always include "a few extra pounds" on their options, and generally aren't thin or athletic themselves). Or something else. I corresponded with a lot of guys through Match, but only one of the few I met in person was someone I had contacted first.

I think it is because the ones who didn't contact me first tended to be less ready/less interested. I don't know exactly.

But yeah, I wouldn't feel right about lying. I just wish we could leave out information about age, height and weight if we wanted to. Let the guys decide based on a picture, not idealized search criteria.

Elsa

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