Should I move forward with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Should I move forward with this?
4
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 3:34pm

Hello Everyone. I am new to this board and I want to "Thank You" in advance for your opinion/suggestion.

I was online dating and was contacted by someone long-distance who was only interested in a "penpal". We had things in common and began communicating. I continued with my OLD because I saw no future in a long-distance penpal and saw him only as an online friend. He of course knew I was dating. He is divorced raising two teenage sons, and is also "Dad-support" to his nephew. His focus is on raising his children, which is why he just wanted a penpal.

Anyway, I was getting dates, having fun, and still emailing with my penpal. Eventually OLD began to get old, because I wasn't getting to third dates, no real connections, some guys were jerks, just wanted sex, etc., so I decided to get off the site for awhile. I told my penpal that I was leaving the site, and he asked me if we could keep in touch. I said sure and our communication moved to private email and telephone calls.

We talk at least twice a week and for hours at a time, and we still email each other at least every other day. It's been four months now. I've gotten to know him better than any of the guys I met in person and dated. His sons know who I am when I call, so does his sister. Even his mother knows of me.

We both said that if life permits, we would like to meet each other in person. Well, I will be attending a friend's wedding which is a two hour drive from his home.

He is going make the drive to meet me.

My dilemma...Should I start this or stop this?

Neither of us had any intention of trying to form a relationship. My children are grown up 22 and 27. I didn't want to date anyone who had children under 18. His life is full of football practice, college selection, chauffeuring kids, etc. I don't know when we would see each other. I didn't want to get caught up in relationship that goes nowhere. I have great respect for a man who puts his children first. However, we like each other. We are comfortable and easy...no pressure, a very mature feeling. I don't suspect that we will have any chemistry problems.

We are both in our late forties. And did I mention that he is celibate.




Edited 8/5/2006 10:55 pm ET by nicesmile2006
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 2:22am

I have done the same with a woman I met here on iVillage. I live in Portland, Oregon and she lives in Southern California. Our communication was not as frequent as with what you for we chat on the phone, IM, and email once every couple of months. When I was down visiting my brother, she made the drive to meet me (with my brother and kids) for coffee/breakfast. No chemistry or sparks and that was fine. The whole relationship was not romantic to begin with nor we never pretended otherwise.. just good friends. I have seen her a couple of times since when I visit my brother but not this year for I did not want to distract from the time with my family.

So for my situation, I saw no reason NOT to see her and every reason to see her for meeting the person IN PERSON certainly adds more information and dispels fantasies or my own projections about the person.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 10:27am
Mark,
Thank you for sharing your experience. Communication did begin as friendship, but changed somewhere to romantic, which I hadn't intended. I do want to meet him and squelch any unrealistic ideas. We have not openly acknowledged that our communication has taken a turn to romantic. I know it is so easy for us females to get "caught up", so I'm just trying to keep my eyes open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 10:33am

Hi and welcome to the board!


I see no reason not to meet him but I think you should definitely try to keep your expectations realistic.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 11:15am

Hi and Thank you for the Welcome.

And Thank you for some sound advice. I have go with the attitude of just meeting my online friend with no expectations, and just put the romantic edge to the side. Now If only I can keep telling myself this.