should I put all eggs in one basket?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
should I put all eggs in one basket?
21
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 11:30pm
Just got back from a date. The man is hot, appears to be normal – someone I would like to progress with and quit my on-line thing. I told him that I like him a lot. I hope I wasn’t too forward. He seems to reciprocate very well, appeared to be genuine, and looks really good. My kind of guy. I am not even sure why he is on-line. He has no children, was never married, 35 years old. What is wrong here? I would love to date him. He is a magical kisser as well. Oh he also drove from Louisville to Cincinnati to meet with me and that is a 2 hr drive. Huh??? Where do I go from here? I left him a voice message telling him that I am glad we met (I wasn’t so sure when he approached me on-line since we live 2 hrs apart) and told him I had a really nice time and that I would like to see him again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 11:53pm

Sounds like you had an excellent first date. But that's all it was, a FIRST DATE. It's nothing to get too worked up over; you should keep dating, keep going out, and so forth.

You only know what this guy has told you. You haven't seen his workplace, or his house, or met his friends. You don't even really know if he's married and just hiding it, or if he's got some kids, or who knows what.

So don't be putting all those eggs into one basket yet, missy! :)

Now, if you and he are really a match, then going nice and easy and not deciding that you're madly in love with him immediately isn't going to hurt you. You can continue to get to know him, maybe make the drive to his place sometime, learn about him and what he's like and how he acts, and it might well work out perfectly.

It might not. The point is that you don't know, so of course the answer to your question (which you already knew, posting it here, what answer you'd get) is "NO!"

It's okay to date around a bit, it's okay to take your profile down, but if you give up all your power and he bails or it doesn't work, you're going to be hurt worse than if you keep your wits about you. Be reasonable and optimistic. It might work out for the best, and you hope so, but you're not marrying him. Yet. :)

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 12:16am

Yay! Glad to hear things went well & you've met someone with potential... but I gotta say ditto what niceguy said, at this point it's all just potential. Take a breath and calm down a bit, savor the fabulous kissy-tingle, and go about your week as usual. Concentrate on your own life, work, kid, friends, etc. If you are able to develop something long term with this guy, just give it time to develop. You may yet turn out to be horribly incompatible, so don't set yourself up for unnecessary heartbreak.

Here's what I'm doing, if it helps to give you a little perspective. I've got a 5th date set up with MG for lunch tomorrow. Now I'd like to think this guy could have serious potential too, but I'm keeping my options open for now. I'm still popping in online, though not pursuing anyone at the moment. So while I may or may not date anyone else, I can let him assume I could be - as I assume all his options are open as well until/unless HE brings up seeing each other exclusively. Which I know could be a while and I'm okay with that. I adamantly refuse to rush it this time, for a change.

Thing for me is, historically, I've jumped so quickly into relationships and gotten so emotionally attached to people, that I'd ignore or rationalize the red flags and end up more hurt in the inevitable end. So this time around I'm making a point of taking things slower, I want us to get to know each other and find out IF we want the same things and are right for each other BEFORE things get too intense. It seems to be working out all right so far.

When in doubt, pop in here & you'll get several doses of reality. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 5:39am
Hot guys don't have to drive 2 hours to meet dates. Tell me in a month or two whether I was wrong on my assumption because I'd like to know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 6:16am

Yep, gotta agree with that one. I'm bettin' married.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:59am
You are absolutely right. My dilemma is this. I have met 4 people this weekend and 3 of them want to go out again. The 4th one I just had a date with and parted away last night. He is staying over at his grandmother’s since he drove from Louisville to Cinci last night. I know he is taking his granny out for breakfast and is driving back home and will be at work later on today. I probably won’t hear from him until late evening.
I HATE to keep other people waiting until I hear from him but I only have so much free time since I am a single mom and I would hate to set something up with another guy and not to have that time left for him because I do like him the most!
Was it wrong to tell him that I like him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:02am
How about setting up some lunch dates - your still in the really early stages. A hottie who drives two hours scares me. Does
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:05am
Thanks for you advise! From reading your posts I see that we have a lot of similarities in our lives being single mothers and all.
Thanks again and I am glad that you are having another date with Mr.M. Sometimes the relationship can have little bumps on their way but what matters is the outcome and consistent behavior. I will keep my fingers crossed for you :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:07am
How about I drive his way next time? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:11am
That is all entirely possible however his profile is full of pictures, he is originally from my city and has relatives here. I have his work and cell number. Even though he looks hot TO ME he maybe just a shy person although I didn't notice it. How do I find out if he is married? I know his full name but not social :)


Edited 1/17/2005 10:12 am ET ET by ivos2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 10:18am

Google is a good place to start.


Addresses.com is another - sometimes it will show you all the people registered as living at an address. I think you can do it with just a name. Hopefully his name isn't too common...

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