Should I stay around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Should I stay around?
15
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:09am
I've been dating a man I met on Match.com for almost two years. We see each other on the weekends, I've been to every family function, on vacation with him and his family but he's still on Match.com. When I asked him about it he said he was just "talking" to other women. "You don't think I'm seeing them do you?" Well, actually yes I do. He denied it. I've never caught him, but I still wonder. I recently helped him through a health problem which required me to stay with him 24/7 and he asked me to move in. I told him I didn't think it was the right time for the right reason. My problem is that I really love him. What do I do? Just hang in there?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:16am

I would find it difficult to stay with a man who was 'keeping his options open' while enjoying all the benefits of being with me. Only you can determine what you are willing to put up with - but I think after two years of dating his 'talking' to other women (on a dating site) is totally uncool! Tell him it's time to sh*t or get off the pot.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:37am

Get real about what it is you will accept or will not accept. During these two years, I can only make the assumption that being exclusive was not discussed, during which time it would seem that a discussion would have been made that the taking down of profiles is in order.

I'm sorry, but if you man still feels the need to talk to other woman online, then he may not be feeling the same way as you in this relationship. You need to talk to him about this. The reality is talking with other women is the beginning before heading out to dinner with them! I'm appalled by his statement "you don't think I'm seeing them do you?" You are right when you state that living with him should NOT be an option at this time and more so from the standpoint that he is still chatting with other women. Not saying he doesn't care or love you; but his mentality of seeking the "bigger and better deal" seems to still be in the forefront of his mind. That's my take on why he still feels the need to chat with other women online -- something's missing or he is still searching. Sometimes in order to make a man understand where you are coming from you need to show him. Post your picture back up on Match.com and see how he responds.

Regardless, love yourself more and have a discussion with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 1:25pm

HECK NO!

Whether he is seeing them or not he's keeping his options open and after investing 2 years with this man he should know whether or not you are the right person for him. Since he's continuing to talk to other women, he has one foot in the door and one foot out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 1:46pm
Wow, I don't think I'd stick around for that. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't be able to keep myself from wondering if he's just waiting around for something better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 1:55pm

After two years, he should be able to commit to you and show you more respect than that. Match is a DATING site, it's not really intended to just be a message forum. He could come here if he just wanted to talk to people.

I'm sorry to sound harsh. I was in a relationship with someone for five years who could never go the distance, and I so wish someone had helped me see some red flags along the way.

Now, the caveat to this post is that I don't know you or the guy. But, having his profile on a dating site is a red flag to me.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 9:02pm
I had a relationship with a guy from OLD for about 9 months. Down the road, about half way through, I caught him logged on to OLD site. Of course he denied when I asked him if he was looking and/or dating someone. This broke the trust I had in him. I broke up with him with a couple of other major issues but him logging on to OLD was the biggest reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:56am
Sure, move in.......right after you have unplugged his computer for 6 months. It is ridiculous to think that you should tolerate him 'talking' in a dating format to other women. He can tak to whoever he wants when you are present, right? Moving in would indicate EXCLUSIVE to most people..that's 24/7 and no exceptions, no secrets. JMO.
Good luck.
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 9:28am
WHy are you checking up on what he does online?It's a public website, but if it was me, I wouldn't be checking up on my man that way. Seek trouble and you will find it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 10:29am
I am completely flabbergasted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 12:57pm

>>WHy are you checking up on what he does online?It's a public website, but if it was me, I wouldn't be checking up on my man that way. Seek trouble and you will find it.<<

Ignorance is not always bliss.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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