Should I stay around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Should I stay around?
15
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 11:09am
I've been dating a man I met on Match.com for almost two years. We see each other on the weekends, I've been to every family function, on vacation with him and his family but he's still on Match.com. When I asked him about it he said he was just "talking" to other women. "You don't think I'm seeing them do you?" Well, actually yes I do. He denied it. I've never caught him, but I still wonder. I recently helped him through a health problem which required me to stay with him 24/7 and he asked me to move in. I told him I didn't think it was the right time for the right reason. My problem is that I really love him. What do I do? Just hang in there?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:49pm
I wouldn't check up on my man online or IRL, you have to trust the person you are with. If you don't trust them to the point that you monitor their activities, what's the point? I don't want to be checked up on and I would never be with a man I felt even the urge to check up on.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 3:52pm

So you would just walk away from a 2 year relationship because of a feeling you had, without any proof? I find that hard to believe.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 6:38pm
So if I had this feeling,and I checked match and nothing came up, do I then check the other dating websites and if nothing comes up, how often do I keep performing these checks to make sure everything is ok? Every 3 months just to make sure everything is ok? Do I also go through his belongings just to be sure everything is ok, go through his email, his regular mail, his cell phone, and do I keep doing these checks on a regular basis to make sure everything is ok? Does he then monitor me in the same way? I don't want to ckeck up on a man. We are both in a relationship voluntarily and with trust,if that's not there, for me there is no point. The relationship is either worth it or it's not. Things are good or they aren't, yes I would leave before I started invading some one's privacy,and I would have serious doubts about staying if some one invaded my privacy.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 6:57pm

I just don't think that it's realistic to think that if you got a funny feeling that someone was doing something untrustworthy, that after 2 years together you wouldn't *do* something to confirm that there was a basis for the feeling first rather than just walking away. I personally would start with *talking* about whatever it was that caused the twinge and get to the root of it.

In any event, how is looking at a public website invading someone's privacy? That's so not the same thing as snooping.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 11:37pm
Talking to the person is different. While you are technically correct that it is a public website, it's the intent that counts. Just as standing on a public street is legal, but if the intent is to check up on your man, it's the intent that counts. I really can't imagine a situation where I would invade some one's privacy in a relationship. If it's that bad that you need to do that, like you said, talk about it or go to counseling or consider your other options. But for me personally, once that line has been crossed and some one's privacy has been invaded, that that tells me the relationship is on shaky ground anyways and probably not worth it.

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