Should I write?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
Should I write?
3
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 12:02pm
About a year ago, I met "D" on-line. For about 6 weeks, we emailed several times a day, opened up to each other and I thought it was going somewhere, unlike with other people I have met on-line. He told me that another woman he had met on-line previously wanted to start things up again and was going to visit him. He didn't invite her; she just bought a ticket. Anger got the best of me and I sent him an angry email. He pointed out that we had never talked about meeting, never talked about where things were going, and never talked about exclusivity, so why was I angry? He wanted to see if it could work with this woman, but wanted to still keep in touch with me. I told him that I had enough friends and that was that. I haven't heard from him since.

Anyway, since then, all I have met are needy men with no personality; "D" has a personality and we have a lot of mutual interests. Last week, I saw that "D" was online at the site, so obviously, it didn't work out with "the woman". I am thinking about contacting him. Am I stupid? I haven't been sitting around thinking about him, but seeing him online again made me think about him again.

Am I stupid to write to him? Mostly, I'm just curious to see what happened with "the woman", but if something more happened, who knows?

Kate

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: fsakate
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 3:37pm
You can always drop in and say 'hi'.....It will always bother you if you did not atleast initiate and see how things were.Do not expect for things to be the same or better,its just a casual,how are you?what's up with you?..He may have changed,his view of you ma have changed,or he may want to reply too....so just to stop bothering yourself with doubt,just greet him..Start things over,not where you left off...

This is my 2cent advice,but I hope you the ladies here chip in theirs.....they are very smart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: fsakate
Sun, 05-18-2003 - 7:01pm
I think you should write only if you have no expectations (be honest with yourself) and only if you understand that to him, you were not in a relationship of any kind - you were email penpals (this is a perspective I agree with but you need not - but you do need to accept that that is his perspective). And, ask yourself why you kept it at the email pen pal level - find out the real reasons before proceeding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: fsakate
Mon, 05-19-2003 - 9:44am
Welcome Kate!!! Hope you stick around to post more. I would have to say, your post sounds alot like me a while back. Last year I met someone online, like you, I felt we had alot in common and should meet and pursue things. He seemed interested in me as well, and we spoke on line daily.(For about 2mths) Then, he had trouble getting the actual meeting, and phoning me about it.(He called me one time in 2 months and would not give me his phone number) He seemed to withdraw from me since I was serious about purusing things with him. He was emotionally unavailable or lying about a few personal things. I had to make a decision. I was looking to pursue a relationship, he was not. So, I had to end things on line and have since spoken to him. He is still single, he says, and doing the same thing. Just too withdrawn socially for me. Now, I am not saying that is your guy, but I will tell you...if he was "the one", you would not have to go through this with him. He would be more than willing to meet you and forget about this other woman. He would have put you first if he felt he had more interest in you, instead. Maybe he and this woman have talked longer and he felt he was more connected to her. At least he was honest enough to tell you his plans. I would say, you should not have gotten angry with him since you two are not an item and have not even met. I would say, let it go. Let him come to you. I would suggest one last email, apologizing for your outburst and asking for a possible friendship. I am not saying you were wrong, but I think you over reacted a little and maybe by apologizing will help him to see that you are mature and can handle the friendship. No on line relationship can prosper without friendship. I know how you must feel right now. You met this great guy, and want him to meet you instead of her. You feel as if you and he have a connection and very well may. You just cannot force the issue with him. He must find his own way with this. There are many more men out there for you and even though there are alot of weirdos, you cannot give up. I was so over the men on line after "Kevin",( the guy I just told you) but one night I was just bored and on line. I met Mark. The wonderful man in my life that is willing to do anything and everything for me, where Kevin did not. Mark totally makes up for all the losers and heartaches I have had over men, on and off line. It was worth it. YOu just have to think in those terms. That one day you will meet someone, and it will make up for the way you are feeling right now. If it is not meant to be with you and this guy, then you cannot force it. Besides, wasting time over one man could be time you would have had to meet someone who deserves you. Goodluck with it and dont give up, honey. Just take a break from on line right now and come back later and see what is up in the world of dating on line. Mean while, stick around here and help out with other posts. YOu can learn alot when you listen to other people's stories. Thanks for posting and see ya soon!

Gail