should my expectations be low?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
should my expectations be low?
7
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 10:35am

Hi. I've been trying this on-line dating thing for a few weeks now and I have to say it's kind of discouraging. While I do get a lot of winks and emails, 95% of them are from men who do not match my criteria at all. I ask for someone with some college education and I get men who don't know how to capitalize words or write coherent sentences, and they have no schooling beyond high school. It gets frustrating having to read their emails since they give me a headache. It seems like it takes most men 2 minutes to fill out their profiles and nothing about them stands out to even get me mildly interested. I got a wink today from a guy who basically trashes his exes and says that he's ending his subscription soon because all the girls he met on there are insane and that most women have issues stemming from boyfriends they dated in their teens. But he's looking for someone semi-normal on the site anyway. Huh?

Sometimes I wink at men who match my criteria more closely but they rarely wink back at me as if they don't want to be pursued I assume? The significantly older men seem to be a magnet for me too and rarely does a guy my age express interest. I look really young for my age so you would think more guys my age would be interested but they would rather have a woman barely out of high school from what I read of their age criteria. Could I be doing something wrong or is this the reality of on-line dating?

I got one email yesterday from a guy who seems like he can express himself well, is not like the millions of other profiles out there (likes cuddling on the couch with that special someone, etc.), seems like a good prospect and I was glad to get an email from but this is the first in about 2 weeks. He's several years older than me but at least looks young for his age so the age difference isn't that obvious and he actually took the time to read my profile. I went out on one date with someone I met on the site so far but it was a really bad one and I'm trying to remain hopeful that it just takes some time. How much longer do you have to do on-line dating to get good results or is your experience in the beginning representative of what you can look forward to in the future?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 10:46am

When you are brand new - you get lots of attention.

As you are on the site longer - the attention drops way off.

The more specific your profile (hopefully) the better the matches.

After a while you'll find yourself recognizing the red flags immediately and not moving forward with people who aren't close to being a match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 11:18am

Hello Ising!


Welcome to the world of OLD!!

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 12:42pm

Well clearly, you already understand that it's all about quality, not quantity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:14pm

I did match.com for a year or so, and I had similar experiences. Uneducated men and much older men (men 20 years older than me) were contacting me. I felt it was inappropriate, since I specified in my profile what I was looking for, and they should have read my profile. Just curious, what is your age criteria? If you are willing to date within 5-10 years of your age group, you will get a broader selection of men to choose from.

No, this is the fantasy of online dating. There are plenty of men in their 40s', 50's and 60's who go online to try and see if they can hook up with a 20-something woman. The reality is, most of the time they cannot. I hear the same complaint from other women, that tons of men old enough to be their Dad are contacting them. Of course they aren't interested, so these men aren't getting anywhere. I finally met someone who seemed to have more realistic criteria, and he put 30 down as his minimum age for a woman. He was 40 and had 30 - 40 as his age criteria. I think that is realistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:23am

I'm 28 and I had my age criteria set to 25-32 but I changed it to 25-35 since that last guy who contacted me was the best-looking 35 I've seen in a long time and his profile really appealed to me. I like it when a man is willing to go several years younger and several years older than himself because it shows common sense. I don't bother with men who let's say are 28 but their age requirement is 18-26 but they contact me anyway because they decided to make an exception in my case. Since when is dating someone your own age tabboo I wonder? I also don't bother with men who call me sweety or hun in their emails to me. I can get the same thing passing by a bunch of construction workers on the street.

I think I get more upset about men who contact me who don't even bother to read my profile since I put considerable thought into it than not getting any winks and emails at all. Or their profiles are so boring and typical yet they expect me to take an interest. Not to brag but I think my profile is awesome! As an example of the kind of success I had so far, the guy who I went out on the date with said to me over the phone that there must be something wrong with me because I'm good-looking and not married yet. I found myself wanting to justify why I'm still single but then realized that's ridiculous. I hope future dates will be better! Thanks for all your replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 11:08am

"I think I get more upset about men who contact me who don't even bother to read my profile since I put considerable thought into it"

Easier said than done, but try not to let these guys bother you. If you read this board long enough you will see that this is a universal theme. EVERYONE gets emails from these guys. I've been off and on match a few times, and there are a couple of guys who email me every single time within 24 hours of reactivating my profile. It's weird, like they have no recollection of my glaring lack of interest the last time they wrote. Anyway, if you are on an online site, you ARE going to get emails and winks from guys who are almost the exact opposite of what you specified in your profile; I have found that it bothers me the least if I just delete and move on without giving it much thought.

Good luck! :)

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 2:01pm

>>I don't bother with men who let's say are 28 but their age requirement is 18-26 but they contact me anyway because they decided to make an exception in my case.


LOL... I don't bother with men over say 25 who have women