shouldn't have asked him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
shouldn't have asked him
22
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 7:11pm
I asked a guy by email if he wanted to go out this weekend on my birthday. We'd met in person from an online dating site already. He got back to me saying that he'll email me if he's free on the weekend and that he'll at least wish me a happy birthday. Then stupidly, I emailed him back saying that he seems like the type that makes plans at the last minute and how I do that sometimes too. I ended it saying that maybe I'll see him later with a question mark. Now when I think about it, he didn't really want to see me, that was just his way of being nice about it, which I don't like. He should've said he already had plans or something like that. Now I feel like an idiot sending him that last email. He'll be laughing at me now:-(
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 7:45pm
That's a good idea. I still feel so bad now for emailing him the message asking why he goes away when I'm online. There was no need of that and I just made myself look so bad. I hate myself when I do something like this.


Edited 9/13/2005 8:08 pm ET ET by kathy748
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 7:49pm

You need to thicken your skin 10 fold if you plan on doing on line dating. Sweetie, this is nothing compared to what you’re about to embark on, some of us have been doing this for years – until you have dated a guy at least more than a handful of times ANYTHING can happen, he may disappear, decide your not for him and give you NO CLOSURE so get used to it. Not to mention until you have dated someone a WHILE and see their ACTIONS vs. WORDS you won’t have any idea if he is who he claims to be so enjoy the journey, have fun and realize the outcome may not be a romance made in heaven but a detour to someone or something else.

Let this roll off you – if a guy makes an effort to meet you--- he does and if he doesn’t don’t you be there pushing it – you want a man who takes charge, is really into meeting you and if he’s wishy washing you just delete him and move on to the next guy – BOTTOM LINE. No apologizing, no “but why” emails or “what did I do wrong” your WAY to good for that, remember a quality man will see a gem when he spots it!

Good luck!

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 7:58pm

I think the old saying, "Don't cry over spilled milk" applies here. Obviously he isn't the right guy for you, look at as 'his loss', and put it behind you. As we say here all the time...NEXT!!

All the best,
Libra

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 10:00pm

OK, stop again! Stop putting yourself down and "hating" yourself over this. We all make mistakes and we have all made tons of them in our early days of OLD. Just learn from it and don't do it again. And don't email him anymore - even to apologize! He's got the point.

One thing (and I mean this in the nicest way I possibly can) but you might want to consider working on your self-esteem issues before continuing on OLD. If you don't think highly of yourself, it is really hard to make someone else think highly of you. I have self esteem issues myself and I know it affects my life in a lot of ways. Working on it in some way - even if it is getting some self-help books from the library is something you should do. It will make you more comfortable with yourself and more attractive to others! Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 11:26pm

I emailed him and just asked if he's trying to tell me something or what by going offline when I go online. I just want him to be straight up with me and take me off of his contact list if he's not interested in me.


When you feel insecure and you think thoughts like this in the future, try asking and answering the question yourself.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:09am

Hi Kath,

Start a list of OLD rules to live by; make them from good things you read her, great advice (from Here too! :), and from things you discover as you do OLD. Number One on the list is a Cupcake-ism I STILL live by,and I have been very happy with Tall Man, who I met on OLD, btw, for six months now--in fact, I put this proverb into play this week, and it is Still the best rule I have found Yet:

"Do Nothing and Have Nothing To Regret"--now, of course, this does Not apply to not going to work, not paying your rent, but it Does apply to emails like those you sent to this last man. Go ahead a write them out, call a friend and read them out loud, and then DELETE them and Never send them!

There are times I have thought to call, text or email and I thought about it, applying this very rule and was SO glad I did not go ahead, as I would have felt/looked foolish, if I had...and about that--Don't worry so much if you do not think someone likes or understands you...be your Own best friend and learn to like yourself, and the rest Will follow. You have a Lot to offer a man who can Appreciate it! :)

Best o' luck and keep writing here; many care what happens to you and we have all been there and Survived. Forget "Survivor Guatemala"--- what about "Survivor OLD", ya'll?!!!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 6:58am
I feel so stupid now though. I know, I have to stop feeling like that but I still see him around sometimes and I can imagine now what he's telling his friends. Of course, I didn't think of that before I sent him emails. I did something similar to this before with somebody and I swore I wouldn't do it again but I did. I don't really think I would've got along with him great anyway. He had in his profile that he uses drugs, which I don't want anything to do with. He mentioned he's always broke, that's probably why. Anyway, I'll feel bad and upset with myself for a bit but I'll get over it. I'll just give it a little time.
Email is a curse to me. I really shouldn't use it when I'm communicating with people on here. I find it too easy, I'll say things in emails that I'd never say in person.


Edited 9/14/2005 7:00 am ET by kathy748
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 9:35am

How old are you Kathy?


A piece of advice.....if you learn anything about men....LEARN this!!!

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:36am

Kathy,

You remind me so much of myself when I first started doing OLD. I still have a lot of the same feelings you do but am beginning to learn how guys think and how VERY different they are from us! ;o) Two books that have really opened my eyes are "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Mars and Venus on a Date". Don't let the title of the first one fool you - it's not about being mean; it's just about not being clingy and needy in THEIR eyes. Interestingly enough, both books give very similar information and advice. I would heartily recommend them. They, and this board, have really changed the way I do and think about OLD and have helped a lot with my thin skin!

Debbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:22pm