Sigh....
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| Sat, 03-04-2006 - 11:36pm |
OK, I still don't know but I lean even more toward "no". Several more red flags tonight. I guess I need to look at those and say done. So tonight we met at a restaurant and by the time I'd gotten there, he'd already had one beer. While we were waiting and throughout dinner, he had 3 more. After dinner, we went to a nearby bar where he had FOUR beers in the time I had two (and I feel I drank those relatively fast - about an hour and a half). Also at dinner, he ordered two appetizers without "checking" with me first which I find inconsiderate especially since one of them was ceviche which is fish "cooked" in citrus juices. If he'd asked, I would have said no thanks as I'm not a fish person, but he ordered it, didn't ask me and then fortunately ate most of it as I found it disgusting. IMO, a considerate guy would ASK his date if it was OK if he orders these appetizers. I guess he paid so he can do whatever he wants, but, ICK.
And, although this time he wasn't over the top touchy-feely, he did stroke me a bit and we started out dinner on opposite sides of a 4 top table but when we were done with dinner and finishing drinks, he decided he'd come sit on the same side of the table with me - I HATE THAT! But all he ever really did was touch my back or arm so it wasn't as over the top as last time so I never really had the chance to bring it up since it was not over extended periods of time like last time.
So it was a night that had a few more red flags (the alcohol issue and the lack of checking with me on the "shared" appetizers) and still no resolution for me. I still didn't kiss him nor did I have a desire to. We hugged again at the end of the night and that was enough for me.
Anyway, I'm not sure I learned anything tonight. I'll sleep on it again and see.

Gurl, move on...
You have so many doubts on this one that, even IF you pursue this, I think you already have your mind made up. I'm not concerned at all about the apetizers, although when ordering fish, I would consider it polite to ask someone how they feel if they eat it in front of you because I personally find fish disgusting. But the sitting on the same side of the table...HE!! NO!!! Thats an invasion of personal space, not to mention just completely tacky, unless you're 16 and madly "in love".
Just move on...the drinking is a HUUUUUGE red flag to me. Even if he is a big drinker, you would think he'd have the cooth enough to reel it in a little bit on the first couple of dates. If that's how he deals with being nervous on a date, how does he deal with life's mishaps? Just doesn't sound to me like he's the guy for you at all, and I don't even know you!
M
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I'm going to say moving on should be the answer, the appetizer thing would have had me over the edge. LOL
Food is way too important to me. LOL
You are much too nice, I would have said "Go sit on your own side of the table who invited you over here"
After sleeping on it and reading the posts, yes, I agree. I think I've decided he's not the guy for me and I think I DID wind up learning some things about myself and what I DO want out of a guy.
I want someone thoughtful and considerate - he did several things last night that IMO were inconsiderate, selfish or borderline. The fish was one. Another was talk for about 20 minutes about a friend of his going through marital difficulties - and went on and on and then blamed his babbling on me saying "well YOU asked!". I really didn't - he said he'd been on the phone for 2 hours with a friend and I said, "oh the one you went to visit this week?" and then he talked. Another was when the valet came to take out tickets, he took mine first and went to get my car. He might have thought we were together but regardless, he can only take one at a time. So J said in a kind of whiny voice to me, "What about mine? I've got my ticket right here!"
I want someone that doesn't drink so much. I drink and enjoy it but I've tried through college and grad school and a social work group and friends to ensure I know my limits and try to not exceed them. Maybe 8 beers in 3 hours is not beyond his limits but that concerns me even more.
I realized that he doesn't talk much about his family or really himself. I know hardly anything about his childhood or how he grew up. I've offered many tidbits about my family and childhood and he's offered nothing.
And I want someone that respects my personal space and doesn't act like a 17 year old in heat. I was talking with a friend at breakfast yesterday and she joked that maybe he was modeling his students (he's a high school teacher!). That and I think that he either read my body language (finally) or more likely he was showing off for his friends last week because he was less touchy-feely this time. More along the lines of what I would find acceptable at this point (with the exception of the sitting on my side of the table).
So I guess it's back to the drawing board. Or maybe time for a break. Anyway, he didn't ask me out again and I didn't get an email last night. I think the only thing I feel bad about is that his friend was so nice to give me a plant from her business last week. I feel kind of guilty accepting it now. Oh well.
Hey - I know it is disappointing sometimes when things don't work out, but I think you are making the right decision with this guy. I think the drinking is a huge red flag - 8 beers + getting behind the wheel of a car = DUI waiting to happen. Plus, he sounds very self-absorbed. I can't recall a date EVER just ordering appetizers w/o a discussion between the two of us - usually it is, do you want to split an appetizer, what sounds good to you - a mutual decision. And the valet thing sounds petty - did he really think the valet should get his car first instead of yours???
Anyway, wish you luck with the next guy!
Yes, you hit the nail on the head with the appetizer thing. I guess it was more I would have thoughthe would say "do you want something?" or DISCUSS what appetizer to get but he just ordered! And I'm not sure on the valet thing - I think he was thinking the guy should have taken both tickets. It was an honest mistake if he thought we had only one ticket as we got to the booth together. Besides, he was the only guy there - he could only get one car at a time! It's obviously more polite to get the woman's car first so she's not standing in a dark lot by herself while the valet gets her car!
Yes, the drinking thing was a little alarming. It was one thing if he was home, but he had a drive ahead of him. Kinda scary. I'm glad I wasn't riding with him.
Anyway, I haven't heard from him and I think I probably won't. I'll leave it to him to call. If he does, I'll say how I think we're on different pages. But I doubt he's going to call.
Well vexer, I believe you gave this one a fair shot. I agree with the other posters that, as it turns out, this guy just isn't the right one for you. I'm totally with the non-fish eaters here too...complete turn-off to not even attempt to find something that's mutually enjoyable. Fish is either a love it or hate it deal. I don't think I've ever come across anyone who's indifferent to it.
Also with the drinking...I certainly enjoy my cocktail but that kind of indulgence on his part is major cause for alarm.
Just look at it as another lesson learned. I think, if given the opportunity to pursue this further, I suspect you'd just find more red flags if not out-and-out reasons to dislike him. You sound like a very wise woman. I agree...time to move on.
No worries. It's all good.
Cheers,
Michele
It seems like you are looking for something that just isn't there. You deserve better..
E
I'm late piping in here because I have an internet connection problem at home that is going to require a visit from a technician today (thank goodness they're coming today), so I wasn't able to get online from Saturday afternoon on.
Anyway, I'm sorry it didn't really work out for you.