Single but actually Married???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Single but actually Married???
17
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 6:32pm

I'm delurking to ask a question.

Have any of you had the misfortune of getting to know someone through OLD who claimed to be single or divorced, only to eventually find the person was actually MARRIED?

It seems my new "OLD Friend" is actually married (although he claims he's recently divorced). All the signs are there and I've checked our local on-line county court website and there's no sign of an LS or DV anywhere. Go figure.

Any war stories?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 1:42pm
Well, when i created my profile i was going through a divorce BUT it was not "official" so i chose the seperated option and figured if i met someone that i was interested in, then i would go into more detail(meaning it was just a matter of paperwork)....being that he's still legally married, i'd ask him why he chose to put divorced instead of sep...good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 7:36pm
Hi Blessed,
I am not sure about where you are but, there isn't always a legal separation drawn up, it could just be a separation agreement until the divorce is finalized. So, with limited information at my end of this, he could actually be telling the truth.
Suzie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 6:08am
Yes, after months of not dating, the first 3 dates I had... turned out the first one was on the rebound. That was my fault. I didn't read his profile carefully enough. It said he was separated. I assumed he was single/divorced. I started to really like him when he announced him and his wife were reconciling. The second one I found out was married, the third one had a live in girl friend. What's up with that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 12:23pm

I hear you. But since he said he was recently divorced, one would think a divorce decree would've been listed on the court site. Other info. was there, and after checking with one of our paralegals, she said if a divorce was granted, it should be listed.

Anyhoo, he has only given me his work email. He hasn't offered any phone number of any kind nor has he asked for mine, or suggested that we meet for coffee. We've exchanged photos and it's almost been a month since our initial contact. We live within 15 mins. of each other.

I honestly think he's married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 12:27pm

Your last two experiences prove that there are some real idiots out there.

This is my last week of OLD for a good while. I'm giving myself a much needed break for the next year.

Thanks for sharing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 3:38pm

My "war story" may be more typical than I realized, but I am continuing to recover from the horrible ending of a relationship I thought might last for years.

"Mark" was separated & that was what he indicated in his profile. In fact, some papers had already been filed for divorce. They had not lived together since Labor Day '05, and he and I met via OLD and started dating in early Feb. I have written many posts about this guy. Things were never ideal, but I felt like the good outweighed the bad, and I believed he had every intention of going through the divorce. I mean, when she was described to me as a money-hungry control freak by him as well as his immediate family members, how likely was he to want to go back to such a living arrangement? During our 3 1/2 month courtship, his first ex-wife decides she wants custody of the daughter he was raising. Everything else goes down the tubes for the relationship from then on...the stress overwhelmed him and he goes back to this horrible woman who treated his daughter badly and supposedly didn't treat him good either. I was blindsided by this because he didn't have the backbone to tell me what was going on. I broke the one rule I had about "not dating married men" and then look what happened.

I take some of the blame in the Mark situation because my gut instincts told me NOT to date him until he was divorced, but I was lonely and he lived locally and it just seemed too easy. However, it's quite another thing when someone lies about their marital status though. You take people at their word, and if they lie about being married, they will probably lie about a lot of other things as well. My new "old" rule is to make sure they are divorced before getting involved. In fact, I'm even leery of men who are divorced for less than 6 months. I don't want to be anyone's rebound relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:13pm
Hi Blessed,
I guess I misunderstood betwix Separation and Divorce. So, that definitely appears to be a horse of another colour. Honestly blessed I think you might have to go with your gut feelings I really think that I would. ONline dating, I am new to it and have received alot of smiles and a couple of letters, but yeah, I am really leary myself . I figure it is hard enough to trust someone in the real world , nevermind online dating.
Good Luck
: )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 7:21pm

Well... my husband just did it to me! He went online to see what people's reaction was to him (or so he says) and then met some one and got attached and started seeing her and I just found out! We have 2 young kids and have been together for almost 17 years and I did not have a clue! He may have been seperated in his own mind but he forgot to tell me and the kids! I am crushed and don't know what to do next. I love him and am going crazy! I found out last week! He is not a creep or at least I didn't ever think he was.....I thought I married one of the good guys! He still has an on-line profile that I have not seen....Ugh

Be careful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:31pm
AMEN to that! You go girl friend!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2006
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:37pm
OMG, you are kidding! Geez, I'm really sorry to hear about that, rc... maybe you two should consider counselling. I worked in mental health for a long time.... counselling works! Try it. Good luck!

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