single vs. marriage
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:46pm |
I figured this would be a good place to start.. on a topic that peeked my interest
what are you thoughts as to why some people end up being single up through their late 30's or longer or married then divorced then married again, and some people get married in their 20s and end up being married the rest of their lives.
any thoughts?? Most of my friends from highschool live in the same town whereas I moved away about 4 yrs ago, and they are all married since their early to late 20s and have kids, families, the house the husband everything.. they lead somewhat simple lives, w/ great homes , great families , traditional roles of husband/wife.. i have a few friends that have grand lifestyles and are married..
They all seem happy to me but again you don't know what goes on behind closed doors
why do you think that some people end up marrying in their 20's and end up being ok and never divorcing.. i never hear them complain either..
and why do some of us, single/divorced still here looking for the "one"
interested in your thoughts as to what you see in yours friends or why some of them are still married.
i have my own thoughts as to why... i am currently in a long term r'ship just over a year.. but i myself am 38, married in my 20s and never married again still want all that and have had several long term r'ships after my marriage
food for thought..

You know, that is a great question. I have no idea why this is. I've pondered this before myself. I am 31 and never married and have had several relationships in my life and several dating experiences and never even been engaged in that manner. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me but in all reality I think that it's because I refuse to settle for the wrong one and take marriage very seriously. I also was not quite ready to take on the responsibility of maintaining a healthy/loving relationship until recently either because I didnt' love myself enough. I think the people who seem to be happy and get married young and never divorce are those people who are either:
a. really good at faking their happiness and staying in a situation in which they aren't fully happy because they didn't want to be patient and wait for the one.
b. Very lucky because they found their right match early on in life and were mature enough and loved themselves enough to keep a relationship going.
I wasn't raised in a healthy environment so it made it hard to cultivate high self esteem so I wasn't ready for a relationship really when I was in my 20s and I kept picking all the wrong men and wanting to stick with them because of being afraid to be alone. It could be so many reasons why some of us didn't find that early on in life while it seems to be so easy for others, almost effortless.
your response almost mirrors how i felt about this myself.
even tho i had 2 proposals one marriage that lasted 2 yrs , i had grown up also in an unstable environment which then resulted in my low self esteem and making bad choices.
it wasn't until my late 20's that i started making better choices but then i stayed in a great r'ship w/someone knowing he wasn't the one but out fear becasue he was the first great guy since my husband that treated me right but deep down i knew we wouldn't marry and that was 4 yrs later
also w/ regards to my friends i agree some are very happy and some are complacent and comfortable
i do have to admit tho my best friends some of them did have that edge above me where they had very stable upbringings and never really seem to have any issues or complaints in life in general. so that could be a lot of why they are happy, 1. they are secure as they had secure attachments growing up, so they make good choices or know when too and 2. they just don't need al ot to be happy so anything they get makes them happy
Rosma, something in your post triggered something for me(great topic, BTW). I grew up in a sleepy, pretty, wealthy suburb of a large east coast city, 20 miles away from the center with all the action, the night life, the museums, the fun. I have good self esteem, good upbringing, loving parents.
But you said some chose to live the simple life with great homes and great families.
I don't think I wanted the simple life in my beautiful suburban town. As soon as I graduated from high school, I was off to the city, going to college and meeting all sorts of challenges and people, striking out on my own. Then I became very attracted to being an artist, a chef, a business owner, a volunteer, a writer, you name it, I wanted to be it. Then I fell in love with medicine and went on for more education, all the while dating and gathering friends and experiences.
I have been engaged twice (at 23 and 26) and decided not to marry either one, although they were both wonderful men. I've lived in many places, done tons of things, but haven't married nor had children.
I guess since I am happy, I really didn't want the simple life. But I do understand those who do. Just not for me.
Chick