Singles night at a bar?

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Singles night at a bar?
10
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 8:40am
I am thinking of checking out the places Walter suggested, but I have never done anything like this before!

Tonight it is singles night at this place he suggested. I'm not sure what kind of place it is, because I told him I didn't drink, so didn't want to go to a bar. But I think it is just a restaurant, with a bar. Anyhow, it's out-of-town, he says it is always packed and - I would be going alone.

Am I supposed to get all dressed up, or are these things usually more casual? I'm trying to imagine what it will be like to walk into a packed bar, and go sit alone. Last time, when I went to the coffee pub, it was fairly empty and I brought a book to read. Somehow, I don't think that this is that kind of place. I guess I am just a little afraid of looking out-of-place, uncomfortable and foolish.

I wish I could drag one of you guys along, to give me some moral support! Any suggestions on this new adventure???

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 8:54am
I don't think there is a problem with going alone and I do know married people who have met in bars, but the reasons I don't like bars are: (1) it is too noisy to speak; (2) men might be drunk so you never know the sincerity of their interest in you; and (3) unless you live in NYC there is smoking allowed so you will smell bad, no easier way to put it.

Walter is trying to help you meet men so his suggestion was sincere, but I don't think this is the place for you - try a community theater group, a gym, volunteer work, a church, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 9:05am
Hi Catherine,

Yes, I understand, I would not like to go to places like that alone myself. Even if it is singles night it would be nicer to go there together with some girl friends.

Perhaps the next time when Walter suggests things like that you can just ask him if he wants to go there together with you. Not as a date, just as friends who give each other companionship!? Or because he already has some knowledge about the bar, to introduce you!? Who knows, he may understand the WINK....

Wish you a wonderful weekend whatever you are going to do.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 10:40am
Well, girl I never plan what I will wear. I always gauge it by my mood for the evening. I would suggest a nice summer dress of evening wear. Nice and comfy if you want. I wouldnt go all out, but still dress to impress. Ya know? I would go and get a glass of wine to be classy and you can sit at a table and have dinner, so you dont seem desperate. I would say if you sit at a bar for too long, you will get hit on for sure by all the creeps. SO, a table is good, so it looks as if you are meeting someone. Maybe while you wait for your table, sit at the bar. There is usually a wait, on weekend nights, and that way you did the bar thing and then sat and had dinner. Now is Walter going to be there???


Gail:)

Avatar for linds8300
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 1:47pm
I wouldn't get ALL dressed up, but I'd just look cute. You could wear some jeans and a cute top or go for a cute flowy skirt....whatever you decide to wear just make sure that you feel comfortable, if you feel good about yourself other people are more likely to want to talk to you :) Good luck and have fun...sounds like a good time!

Lindsay

Photobucket



Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 6:17pm
<(1) it is too noisy to speak; (2) men might be drunk so you never know the sincerity of their interest in you; and (3) unless you live in NYC there is smoking allowed so you will smell bad, no easier way to put it.>

I don't like the idea of bars either, but this is a restaurant with a liquor licence. I won't know till I get there if that makes much of a difference. I am leary about drunks, but I have already decided that if I get uncomfortable or someone keeps bothering me, I can ask for help from the staff, or leave. We have no smoking laws here in Ontario, so smokers have to go outside to smoke. There is supposed to be entertainment, so it may be loud, but like I said, I can always leave.



I would like to agree with you, but I can't. I spent 15 years alone, living my life, doing my thing, going places, taking classes, etc. I met no-one. No-one approached me, I I never saw anyone I was interested in approaching.

So I finally called up an old boyfriend. That was OK for a while, but it didn't work out. It's been almost a year now that I've been on my own again. I joined a gym 4 months ago, and I've met no-one. I have taken a good look around with the men I see every day, and they are all either married, involved, or unappealing. I tried online dating ,and to be honest - I hate it!

This may not be the answer for me - I won't know until I try. But I feel that it is making a statement that I am available, and putting me in a situation where it is ok for a guy to approach me. If no-one approaches me tonight, I may have to accept the fact that I am as ugly as sin and have no personality! I don't believe that, but I am starting to wonder!! {smile}

~*~ Catherine

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 6:32pm


Given my choices, I figure I am better off going alone. I only moved here 3 years ago, and haven't friends nearby. My daughter-in-law has offered in the past, but that would be uncomfortable. My other son's ex-girlfriend would go, but she is still mooning over my son - so that gets boring fast. My son's current girlfriend - she's nice enough, but we are not the buddy/buddy type. Even my sons said they would go with me - wouldn't that be uncomfortable!!

My best friend might - I am still debating about asking her. But it's a long way for her to drive, and I don't think she would be willing.



I have decided to accept the fact that Walter is probably married, and we will just be friends. If he was available and interested, I think he would have asked me out by now. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to ask him to take me anywhere, unless his wife was coming to...

~*~ Catherine

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 6:44pm
Thanks for the advice - I do appreciate everyone's help!



That's what has me wavering on what to wear. I don't wear dresses - unless someone dies or is getting married. I am a jeans girl - have been ever since they got rid of that stupid rule that girls had to wear dresses to school!



No, I don't expect him to be there. He told me where he hangs out, a club in Toronto.

~*~ Catherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 1:05am
Sorry - I have to disagree with you on that one - going to a bar is not putting yourself out there to the right sort of people - that a nice gentleman will be there is like a needle in a haystack - so what volunteer work have you done and what community theater work have you done? How many people did you talk to this week about introducing you to someone? How about in the last month? Out of the 4 marriage proposals I have received one I met through a personal ad, one through a law school classmate, one at work, and one through a college classmate - my current boyfriend I met through his brother who I used to work with and my bf and I were just friends for about a year prior to dating. I have also met nice men that I have dated through on line dating sites, friends, singles dances, a benefit, in my apartment building, through set ups by family, friends, classmates, colleagues - much of this I made happen - by networking, etc. I also met men at club med, at singles dances, at singles weekends, etc. - I am sure you're attractive - that is not the issue - my guess is that you focus on unavailable men like Walter and might miss the nice guy right under your nose who is interested and available. Just a gentle suggestion and a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 5:23pm
Hi Deena.

In many of your posts you mention that you have had four marriage proposals. I've been curious as to why none of these proposals led to marriage.

I realize that this is a personal question and if you prefer not to answer I understand.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Avatar for born2luv
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 7:25pm
There is probably some truth in that.

I don't have a wide circle of friends or aquaintances. I haven't been actively looking till the last year, because everyone told me that it would happen when it happened, and to just live my life. Being the shy person I am, that advice didn't work for me. So I am trying new things, talking to new people and yes, messing up some times. It's all a learning experience and I am doing my best to learn as quickly as I can.

You are right, if it had turned out to be a bar scene, it wouldn't have been the place for me. But it turned out to be a dance club, and I met some women there were more than willing to help me start that networking, and suggest places to go and things to do.

My "statement" was to the Universe, because I believe you always get what you ask for - but you have to be clear and you have to be careful! If I go around saying that I never met any suitable men, I will not met any suitable men. That's how it works!

So I am working on changing the message I am "putting out there"! {smile}

~*~ Catherine