sleepover on a first meet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
sleepover on a first meet?
20
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 11:59am

I was talking to a guy online that lives about 2 hours away. I've emailed him a few times and chatted twice with him on msn. There was a concert happening last night that I told him I was going to. He mentioned that he'd like to see it too so I, jokingly, asked him how long it would take him to get here. He asked me if I wanted him to come here and I said if he wanted to, so we were trying to figure out where he could stay overnight. He suggested sleeping on my couch but since I board with my parents, I knew they wouldn't go for that so I told him that. So, it turned out, he couldn't come afterall.

My question is, would any of you let a guy you've only met once, sleep on your couch for the night? Maybe when you get to know him more that night, you could trust him, do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 6:49pm

I've had "sleepovers" a little too soon myself, but never on a first meet, and I certainly don't condone what I did, and I'll never tell anyone that it's okay just because I've done it and nothing bad happened to me - I was very lucky.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 1:45am

I agree with what everyone is saying here. Now from what I'm understanding here is that you haven't actually met this guy yet. There is NO way I'd agree to offer up my sofa to a stranger (regardless of what my living situation was...roommates, parents, etc.)because that's what he his no matter how much "talking" has been going on. Like someone else replied, it's a safety issue that all OLD dating advice thumps into your head for good reason. Never put yourself in a situation that you can't easily escape from should things turn weird.

Now your actual question implied that, theoretically, once you'd actually met the person would you let him sleepover...well, again not on the first meet. I've had first date sleepovers...ummm sex, with my only two OLD relationships and I was fortunate that they weren't psycho's, at least not the dangerous kind;) and they did become relationships, however short lived.

This guy seems awfully pushy. I'm seeing a big red flag here. Proceed with caution!

Last thing...when people say "just joking" we all know they are not. That's just a backpedal.

Chele

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Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 5:41am
What do you mean you "put him through the ringer"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:01pm

i asked alot of questions...said what i was looking for...(not a hookup, ironically). Ya gotta understand i came from just overcoming having a relationship with a Married Man (sex only once mind you) and psychologically pretty fragile. I cancelled on New Single Guy after getting the courage to meet him and we went a bit back and forth and he was frustrated, off to meet someone else from a chat line (phone thingy that i still dont get)...but called me back when I had called to apologize and cancel. Lots of back and forth for a week and a half before meeting.

things are wierd with him this weekend..as he seems rather busy ..i am tying my hands up so as to not text or email him. I am pmsing and my misconstrue things. But i am going on record that I am not completely convinced and think he is too good to be true in a sense and stealths online on purpose not out of newbie ignorance. He is nice and not harming me but there are some things that are tooo "affair-ish" for my taste. Its not necessary. I think perhaps he is a guy who is just really busy and likes the idea of "same" and comfort. But will not actually connect with me in the long run but has a romantic streak in him so he can't help but fantasize a bit.

oh the cunundrum...but its early yet. ....i just was hoping to meet someone special by june or july ..i have a wedding across the country end of september i was dying to have a date for. Now there no time to even start anything with anyone new at this point to have a decent amount of time under our belts by then and I dont think I am going to ask this one or if i do..he probably wont. :shrug:: so hard to be taken seriously as a BBW with no boobs...but with a brain and lusty mind. I dont fit in anywhere i think. (just being realistic although he says i am beautiful etc..more than any man ive ever been with..it came all very quickly...i dont know..i am trying to be smart ladies..not low self esteem but REALISTIC. why would want a girl like me..and its starting to become evident that i was delusional for a half a second.)

i am like that charlie-in-the-box on Misfit Island. ( bought that bobblehead on purpose) LOL

Anyway...I am a conflict..i am smart enough to know thereal deal but yearn enough to be dumb about it to get the normal guy ...kwim?
dont mind me..i am pmsing and philosophical LOL
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:05pm
Only when pigs fly and monkeys rule the world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:20pm
Seriously ya'll all crack me up sooo much!!! You won't find a more honest bunch of women. And to add to all their Nos, I say hell no!! Definitly no way, no how. Could be dangerous! Please refer to any psycho movie, horror flick or lifetime movie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 4:36pm

Definitely NOT!!
Have I ever done it? Yep.

Sex on the first date? Nope
Have I ever done it? Yep.

So what's the point?? (smile) Are these common practices that I list above, heck NO.

We all have had different scenarios and encounters where we basically go with the flow or just stick with our morals/values and do what is right. Sometimes where we are mentally or our state of mind encourage the decisions we make.

A sleepover on a first meet is not wise and although you live with your parents (rather than alone) you made the right decision. If he is interested, there will be plenty of time for sleepovers! (smile)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 08-01-2005 - 8:43pm

"I dont fit in anywhere i think. "

"why would he want a girl like me.."

"i am like that charlie-in-the-box on Misfit Island. ( bought that bobblehead on purpose)"

This is the saddest thing I have ever read... you really don't think you have low self-esteem???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:26am

Not a chance!


Someone I barely know not only knowing where I live but then alone in the house with him? Don't think so.


Old saying..."Better safe then sorry".


Rain

~~ Walk in peace ! ~~

5360774911227568598063_610w

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:34am

Seriously Seamus,
I do have a sense of humor, a brain, and a really honest way of looking at things that others don't dare expose. I will be ok. I know what I do have and i know what I lack. I just wish what I do have was more attractive to more males =) I am not throwing myself off a cliff or popping popcorn for the pity party passive agressively. I write out what I am feeling in honest warts and all. I would question anyone who hasnt questioned themselves at one time or another in their lives. I tend to respect those that do...i am wierd like that .

If that is the saddest thing you've ever read online...well I could direct you to some really sad cases if you like. Please don't feel pity for me. I was just waxing honest feelings. Sometimes we are "out of our league" with certain people. If youve never felt that before...good for you (or perhaps bad for you) LOL I dont know.

Don't worry..i know my strengths, like i said above. I also know what i do lack is very tanglible. Remember...the folks on Misfit Island (referring to Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer classic Rankin/Bass production from the 60's.) ...had a purpose too =)
Thanks for your concern (i hope it was) and not pity (can't tell) LOL I am A-OK =) just philosophical when I am pmsing LOL
Lizzie

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