A slight setback in our plans
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|Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:53pm|
We've been in the process of getting him a visa to come over here for 5 months now. For 5 months, Mark's known that he will be leaving England, and that he has to prepare for that. For 5 months, we've been planning on him arriving in the States on May 1st.
This past Monday he finally got his visa -- the green light for him to finally come back to me. But he hasn't really done much over the past several months to get ready for the move, and has found himself unprepared to do everything he needs to do in order to leave by May 1st. I've been trying to motivate him as best I can to get things organized, sort his things to pack, etc. But there's only so much I can do and say; he's still feeling overwhelmed. So he finally admitted to me today that he thought it would be better altogether if we postponed his arrival by a few weeks.
My feelings on this are very mixed. On the one hand, I can see the benefits of waiting a bit longer. Mark's leaving everyone and everything he's ever known to be with me. That's a lot to say goodbye to in just 5 weeks, not including all the other practical things he has to do as well. It gives him a bit more time to work and save up money before he comes over; he won't be able to work here for a couple of months at least. I also have more time to prepare for his arrival, as well as plan something for our wedding. (We didn't have any concrete plans at all, just that it would happen the first week he was here.)
However, I'm also very sad, angry, and frustrated. Sad because I have already been separated from Mark for 3 months. We only had a month to go, and now that wait time has just doubled on me. Angry because he's wasted the past 4+ months by not preparing for his inevitable move. If he'd been doing a little bit every day or so, he'd be able to get here May 1st, no problem. But he did hardly anything, and now I have to sit here for an additional month, alone, because of it.
And frustrated because I wish he had mentioned his hesitation about our plans earlier. On Tuesday, the day after he got his visa, I submitted a vacation request. I just started a new job and technically can't request time off, because my probationary period isn't up yet. Not only that, but because there were no available slots left in the vacation system, two managers had to override the system to approve my request. Now, just 4 days later, I have to ask for new dates -- dates I'm not even sure I can get time off for. I'm very scared that I won't be permitted to have time off work to get married and celebrate for a few days.
*sigh*.... Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. I have to ask for new days off, and I'm hoping to god that something is available, that my managers will accommodate our change in plans. The light that was getting so bright at the end of this long tunnel we've been going through has just gotten smaller and dimmer. My heart aches because I have to go for several more weeks without him.
Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get this out. All the happiness I had earlier this week, when Mark got his visa, feels dashed now. I don't know how to feel about it anymore...