In a Slump

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In a Slump
8
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 3:29pm

I don't know about some of the rest of you, but I'm again so disappointed with this online dating business that I don't know why I ever get my hopes up. I was taking an unofficial "break" from online dating back in early Dec. when I get this interesting e-mail (via Match.com) from a guy who lived a little over an hour away from me. His profile had sort of caught my eye previously, but this was my first contact with him. We e-mail a few times, start doing the instant message thing and talk on the phone a few times. This is the same guy who drives with a trucking line and is gone 90% of the time. He later starts to have 2nd thoughts about how that would work trying to have a relationship--all of this said before we even meet. So, I left it that if he ever DID have time and wanted to meet, to let me know. End of story. Another dead-end deal that apparently was a waste of time.

Then I decide to message another guy that I had sent an ice-breaker to on yahoopersonals a while back. I see that he also has a profile on Match.com which I had re-subscribed to for a month in order to message trucker guy back. By then I had re-read his profile and saw that he wanted children. My message to him was basically telling him that I didn't see that the first time and was sorry to bother him. He writes back and says that is not a priority with him and that he's interested in corresponding. Again, we do some e-mails, the instant message thing and even talk on the phone a couple times. We talk about meeting, but again work schedules leave things up in the air. He was supposed to let me know today (via messenger) if he got a job promotion or not. A lot of our meeting hinged on his travel plans for the job. So, it's after 2:00 in the afternoon and no word from him yet.

I'm to the point where I have no faith in the online dating system, and I do not trust any guy I might meet. Maybe I needed to take a real break from it and not respond to the one guy previously, but you always think "maybe THIS time" things will be different. For me it has been a lot of letdowns and disappointments. The majority of the men I encounter may or may not actually want someone in their life, but finding someone WILLING to make the effort to make it happen is quite elusive from my standpoint. What they SAY they want and what they DO to show that they are sincere seem in opposition. I'm so tired of false starts to dead end matches. It's bad enough to actually meet and date someone and then have it fall apart, but it's baffling and confusing to start to make connections and then have them go nowhere.

Maybe the first of the year is not a good time to try for a new relationship. Someone told me that it is better to wait until after the first couple weeks of the new year to try to connect with someone--astrologically speaking. I'm beginning to think they are right. :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2005
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 7:21pm
I'm in the same boat you're in. I'm taking a long break from OLD and working on communicating with people in person. Since starting a new job in November (in a restaurant) has given me the opportunity to practice talking to guys, making eye contact, saying hello, smiling, blushing, laughing at their dumb jokes. I have guys flirting with me, but none of them comes back. If they were really into me they'd come in more often. And out of the hundreds of guys that I had waited on I didn't feel a spark. Except for one.
The chemistry between us when we look at each other is so thick you can cut it with a knife. But he's too shy to talk to me.
And looking back at all of my past online dates I never had that "WOW" spark when I first meet them. And, maybe, the guys feel the same way which is why I don't hear from them.
Right now, I'd rather go to work and flirt with 10 guys then to chat/flirt with one guy who'll "tell me things I want to hear" then ghost. Maybe, once spring comes I'll try OLD again.
But, we have to keep optomistic. Our time will come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: mitsy2
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 10:46pm
I dont think you re both experiencing anything unusual. Imagine how many people you meet a day and how many you are interested in. for me it is close to zero. so I would not expect OLD to be any different.You will meet someone who is perfect for you on paper but in person he is not what you re expecting... it happens all the time. I wish I had better words but I m in the same boat. been doing OLD for a year off and on... met 12 people, dated one and became friends with another. That's all. no relationship for me yet from OLD although I would not be surprised if I meet someone decent soon. All the guys I met through OLD were closer to my type of men than my real friends and their circle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
In reply to: mitsy2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:01am

Can I join this Slump Club? I'm taking a break until the spring. I find this time of year to be the most depressing in general, with the short days and crappy weather (at least where I live). First meets can be miserable at any time of year, but throw in weather-related misery and I'd prefer to hibernate right now.

And don't get me started on Valentine's Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: mitsy2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 11:11am

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. As an update, I did hear back from my latest online guy. Maybe we will meet at some point soon. I just am having a lot of doubts about ever finding the right one though. Maybe a lot of men feel the same way.

I think what is so irritating is the fact that so many men just do not make the effort like I would expect. If they are energetic enough to write a profile and put it online, then you'd think that they would also be willing to stay in contact, call and eventually meet. Sadly, that hasn't been the normal progression of things for me with OLD. If the guys are not serious in what they put in their profile, then they are only playing around; a form of false advertising that gets extremely old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: mitsy2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 11:29am
I wish I'd read your post before posting my own! I am SO there with you. OLD is wearing me down. I've been doing it off and on for 3 or 4 years now and never met anyone that there was mutual interest. Either they didn't like me, but more often than not, there was interest on their part but not mine or just a mutual DIS-interest. It's depressing and frustrating. The latest guy that I thought seemed really on the same page as I am and very interesting appears to be ghosting. I haven't heard a word from him in 3 days. I am getting so beat down. I have a couple other ongoing matches out there so we'll see if something happens there. After that, it's definitely time for a break.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-1997
In reply to: mitsy2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 4:58pm

Hey Vexer,

You and I are definitely ===========>HERE<===========

As of Jan. 31, I am officially D-O-N-E with OLD and RWD too. I'm just sick of it all and am beyond burn-out. My overall experience includes 1 Horror Story and 1 Date from Hell being in the mix, but it all was (at least for a time) proving to have been worth it because I thought I had truly found a true diamond among all the other proverbial jokers out there.

The Horror Story? Long-distance/purported divorced father of 4 until...uh, HIS WIFE rang me up on my celly wanting to know who the heck I was and why was my number all over her hubby's cell records. Eeewwwwww! Changed both my cell and home number and blocked e-addy to finally lose the joker.

The Date from Hell? Would you believe the idiot/control freak actually had the audacity to LICK MY FOREHEAD!!! Yeah, he did that two hours into the date and BTW, this nut had flown down from Northern Cal. to see me AND his flight home got cancelled. Oh the misery of it all. And as if that weren't enough, he had the unmitigated gall to send me a nasty-gram "date assessment" two days after the date! (as if I really cared)

My Diamond? Long-distance/HOTTIE (33, 6'2", writer, and foine as all get out), loves John Coltrane, can write his arse off, and it's been beyond fun flirting back and forth. It's dragging but I want soooo much to meet him I can hardly stand it!!

No one else compares to the Diamond, so it's time for me to leave OLD alone for a good long time.

Love...exciting and new? Still waiting on that one!

~H

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
In reply to: mitsy2
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:06pm
The Date from Hell? Would you believe the idiot/control freak actually had the audacity to LICK MY FOREHEAD!!!


Licked your forehead?! How does that even happen?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: mitsy2
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:26am

I can't help but feel like I'm wasting my money every time I sign up for match.com since I have gotten so few guys interested from that site. I can go days/weeks without anything changing as far as winks/e-mails, etc. I also notice very few new profiles being added during the time I've been a member, so that is also discouraging.

I did talk online again to the one guy from the site yesterday. Will see if we talk again today. I'm getting so I brace myself daily for a "ghosting" since that has happened to me several times now. If we don't end up meeting soon, I'm afraid he'll become another one who just ghosts after a while. Another dead-end connection that never got off the ground.