so depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
so depressed
17
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 6:05pm

I've been doing online dating for about a year. Within this year I've met about 3 different guys that lasted about 2-3 months. I finally went out with a guy the other night that I clicked with so much. there was so much chemistry. Today after talking to him for a while, he kind of told me that he pretty much just wants sex. I'm so disappointed and frustrated. I mean I'm happy I know now but this keeps happening to me. I'm really upset over this.

Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
In reply to: riese2002
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:14pm
So many of them on line are just there looking for sex.
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 9:21pm

I hear ya. And I have yet to see a scientific study on why OLD is so much more brutal than real life. People are able to behave as crappy as they want with no repercussions. If you meet in the real world, usually someone is setting you up or you meet where you both hang out, work out, or just work. Less disrespect in these avenues of dating.

That's just my theory. It would be so nice to be treated like a valuable person rather than a sperm receptacle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:21am

>why OLD is so much more brutal than real life

It's obvious to me. With OLD you to set your filters and parameters so that when you have a "match" you convince yourself they MUST be perfect. But it's much easier to hide behind a facade online than it is in real life. You read the 'profile' as if it is a Mills & Boon novel and create the same unrealistic fantasy before you even meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:30am

Nobody I've ever been set up with by friends ever ghosted. No one I met at work, at a gym, or even at the bar I worked ever treated me less than a person of value. I meet these guys and rarely does the conversation go both ways. They don't care to get to know me as a person - where I'm from, how I got here, where I work, etc. Yet I'm asking those questions. They have no problems slobbering all over me though....lol.

I'm talking about my last three OLD meets so maybe I just need to give it time. But in the past when OLD hadn't been invented yet - three guys I'd meet would be interested in getting to know me and not in the sexual sense at all at least not obviously.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 9:11am

>Nobody I've ever been set up with by friends
>ever ghosted. No one I met at work, at a gym
>or even at the bar I worked ever treated me
>less than a person of value

It still isn’t a mystery. A person who is in your social circle (even if it is very wide) is less likely to disrespect you because it’s much more difficult to “ghost”. Compare that with people you meet in cyberspace. A universe inhabited by aliens with ghosting technology that is hugely different to our own.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 9:36am
This goes back to my many posts about game playing. When all they want is sex and not a "real" relationship, that is a game because the other person was led to believe they wanted a relationship and not just a fling. People lie--plain and simple, and that is what is so disturbing about OLD. Of course, this can still happen when you meet someone via some other way, but it seems so sneaky and underhanded to put this glowing profile online. Almost all of them SAY they want a stable relationship, long-term, etc. But there are a good many who probably want sex only or, in my case, he probably wanted sex but he also didn't know what he even wanted as far as the type of woman he was seeking. I would like to add to my own profile "Confused men need not bother replying".
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:01pm

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:19pm
So sorry this has happened to you. At least you get dates, I don't even get to that point
because I'm so good at weeding them out. Like I've said in previous post people do things in cyberspace that they don't have the balls to do in real life. They hide behind old and think it's a liscense to play games, be rude, and lie. I've given up on old, and am now meeting men the traditional way, although my pool is miniscule, it is still more honest
than old. Maybe you need to give it a break for a while, I know I did. I was just too disgusted and burned out by the whole process. If I meet someone , great. If not I still have a full life that I'm constantly working on.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:21pm

Hey, maybe take a break...but don't give up on love. Hope is eternal. Good luck...and hope you meet someone great soon....

Sara

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:45pm

Okay then...

why do you all bother? Why put yourself out there, online anyway, only to have your trust in people, and yourself, compromised over and over again?

I've been questioning the virtues of "OLD," as you call it. I have been fundamentally opposed to it, yet I've wandered over here to see what the fuss is about. After all, I know personally a total of 1 person who found her mate through Match.com (granted she was on the rebound and really wanted her first husband back, or his best friend, or some other guy, whoever was available... before the divorce papers were actually filed, she found her 2nd husband, but that's besides the point). So online dating must work, right?

But I'm reading about your experiences, and although some of you seem to be successful (or think you are, in at least one case), for many of you, this is not working.

My intention of this post is not to beat you up, but to encourage you all to ask yourselves some hard questions. I know for me, it has become increasingly clear that it does not make sense to try to create a romantic partnership while hiding behind a computer. No sense at all.

I realize other avenues of meeting people are considered old fashioned these days. I'm progressive in a lot of ways (I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the most progressive areas of the US, and I grew up all over the world). I work for a very successful tech company in Silicon Valley. It seems to me that technology has made the dating pool increasingly shallow and muddy. So when it comes to dating/mating/relating, I consider myself very old fashioned. If that's out of style and I don't get many dates, so be it.

A~

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