so depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
so depressed
17
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 6:05pm

I've been doing online dating for about a year. Within this year I've met about 3 different guys that lasted about 2-3 months. I finally went out with a guy the other night that I clicked with so much. there was so much chemistry. Today after talking to him for a while, he kind of told me that he pretty much just wants sex. I'm so disappointed and frustrated. I mean I'm happy I know now but this keeps happening to me. I'm really upset over this.

Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 1:11pm

I say you shouldn't try OLD then. ;)

It can be fun, it is a roll of the dice, not for the faint of heart, not for the sensitive...but it can be rewarding in some ways...and for some of the lucky of us who it is destined for,...it can be very good.

Sara

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 3:00pm
thanks everyone for your advice. I'll keep you posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 3:21pm

There is some validity to what you are saying, but for some of us (in rural America), it is very hard to find suitable people to talk to, let alone date. I was quite opposed to the idea of OLD myself. I viewed the very mention of it as being "desperate". There is a part of me that still does not like many aspects of it. However, I've had a number of bad blind dates that were set up the "normal" way as you indicate...through friends, family, etc. Each time I said "never again" only to give in at a later time hoping that the next one might be a better match for me. It was the last "set-up" that made me decide to give OLD a try. Even though I've had some disappointments, I've also had more dates in the last 6 months than I have the last 6 years! I've actually had more conversations and interactions with guys through OLD than I ever did trying the "normal" way. I haven't met my prince charming - yet. I still have a couple irons in the fire..one of those might turn out to be quite rewarding..too soon to say where they will lead.

I've voiced my frustration on the board many times. I've seen some of the same frustrations from other posters as well. Helps to know that you are not alone and have a place to talk about such experiences..where others have been where you are and have a perspective you maybe haven't thought about.

An advantage of living in a larger city is that you have more opportunities because there are simply more people in the area. More clubs, social events, places to hang out, etc. To someone who has no problem meeting people because they are all around you, it might sound a bit ridiculous to join an OLD service. But, you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize that for those in smaller cities/towns, it is much harder to find someone you want to go out with.

Don't get me wrong, I still think that set-ups by well-meaning friends and family are a good option and we should never close the door on something that might be a great opportunity to meet someone. However, I have found that it is just as risky to meet someone (oftentimes sight unseen) through friends and then figure out how to tell your friends later that you simply aren't interested in the guy. So there are awkward issues to deal with even when it's not through an online site.

A lot of things in life worth having are not easily obtained. What works for one might not work for someone else. If finding someone to spend quality time with is what you seek, then I think it's important to keep your options open and not view OLD as for the desperate and lonely only.




Edited 10/27/2005 3:51 pm ET by mitsy2
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 4:55pm

Take it one step further....

Case in point, my gf just met a guy recently, had sex with him (first date) and then 3 sexual dates later, he wants to go and visit sex clubs. Mind you when they talked via email he, of course, stated he wanted a serious relationship. Well she still believes him and because she is not interested in attending sex clubs with him (and apparently he did with his ex-wife, which they are still friends) she told him to go with his ex-wife (since they are not in a relationship but building towards one) and she is still interested in hanging out with him too! WTF??? Oh yeah, he is amazing and has everything and they have amazing sex! (These are her words!) All I can do is shake my head!

That's the great thing about online -- so many hook-ups are based on WORDS and PROFILES, without ACTION! Don't fault the guys -- PLENTY women allow and encourage the behavior!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 5:32pm
Yes, I've been told that some women are just as bad. There should be a way to hook up all the people who want long-term committed relationships with one another and hook up all the people wanting casual sex with each other. Sounds like a "simple" process..but doesn't always work out that way. :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:02pm

Taina wrote:
"At least you get dates, I don't even get to that point
because I'm so good at weeding them out." LOL
That's me, too. I was getting one or two dates a month...compared to NONE prior to OLD. SO I didn't complain. There's one answer to another poster who asked, why do we do it? Amazingly, I did meet someone I liked and am going with. On the other hand, we would have met anyhow, as I had just joined a club he was in. But maybe I wouldn't have made any moves on him, or vice versa, if we had met that way...I'm not sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
In reply to: riese2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:41pm
Reluctantly, I agree with you.

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