So discouraged

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
So discouraged
22
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 7:38pm

I feel so discouraged. I am 40, single, and doing online dating. A guy on one of the sites really pursued me and we talked on the phone a lot the last few weeks. I was hesitant to talk that much on the phone before we met- we talked basically every day. We got along amazingly well and flirted on the phone.


We went out this weekend and I could tell he was not into it. He emailed me and said there was - "No spark"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2009
In reply to: newstart06
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 8:46pm

Sorry it didn't work out.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: newstart06
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 8:47pm

Not everyone you meet is going to be potentially right for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
In reply to: newstart06
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 8:50pm

Hi - try hard not to be discouraged and look at this as a 'learning experience'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
In reply to: newstart06
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 9:54pm

Thanks everyone for the replies. I want to stress that I am more mad at myself. I thought- new year, we have so much in common, I will be more open and give him a chance. The reason we talked so much on the phone is that I was sick and he kept calling. We had great talks and I got caught up in it.


I agree that chemistry is important. I guess with me, I have had serious relationships where I did not feel instant physical chemistry but gave it a chance, and was glad that I did. He told me that a woman he met before me was "heavier" than her photos, so that should have been a red flag to me.


When he walked me to my car that night, he said that it was hard for him and that I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
In reply to: newstart06
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 10:37pm

>>>>>Which I think is not entirely true if he would have found me "thin" enough in person.<<<<<


I know OLD can be discouraging, but please don't do this to yourself.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: newstart06
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 7:38am

All good advice from the other posters. OLD can really hurt, ya know?

I just wanted to add: physical attraction is very important, as you know, and two people can be thin and "not ugly" and still not be attracted to one another, it's not always a "heavy" vs. "thin" deal. Also, I think he could have been nicer about "why" he wasn't attracted. He could have just said, "I just don't feel we're a match," and wished you luck.

Unfortunately, OLD can be harsh. I know an overweight woman who was waiting in a bar to meet a man she had been emailing online. She saw him come in...he looked at her...and walked back out and she never heard from him again.

Please don't let this keep you from trying again (if you want to).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: newstart06
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 7:49am

It happens to everyone. I met a guy a few years ago and we went out a few times. He seemed great and we even made tentative plans to get together again and then he disappeared. At the time, I was a size 6 and weighed under 125 lbs at 5'5". It definitely wasn't about weight.

The best way to meet people without that pressure is to join groups and activities that you enjoy and want to continue. If you golf, join a golf league and you will meet people who also like to golf. If you are into cards, join a bridge club. By joining clubs you enrich your life and are too busy having fun to worry about being alone because you are not alone. It takes the pressure off of you to meet someone because your life IS full. The people you meet have an opportunity to get to know you and see all of your wonderful characteristics because there isn't the pressure to figure out if there is an instant attraction in a half hour coffee meet.

For your new year's plan, why not make it that you are going to get out there and try new activities and have fun. There are so many things you could do and you will not only be busy but you will make new friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2009
In reply to: newstart06
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 7:52am
I'm sorry that you are discouraged and feel bad. I have tried online dating on and off for the past 5 yrs. You do have a plus from that meeting. At least he gave you an answer about how he felt after meeting you. I have had several meetings where everything goes well. The guy says he wants to see me again and will call and it never happens. No explaination...nothing. Rejection hurts, but I think being honest is the best policy. Hang in there and good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2005
In reply to: newstart06
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 9:41am

>>>>>I know OLD can be discouraging, but please don't do this to yourself.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: newstart06
Mon, 01-11-2010 - 11:02am
Good advice about joining clubs as it does take the pressure off. I would much rather meet men in real life (whatever that is!), but the fact is, I just don't meet many men my age (I'm 55), so, doing OLD is my main outlet. I am involved with groups, and I do other things, but I just meet so few men this way.

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