So I meet this guy over the weekend....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
So I meet this guy over the weekend....
11
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:42am

...he seems nice, very good looking, and we have just everything in common which is extremely rare. I was really excited, figuring that he might be great date material.

This man made one teeny tiny error while talking to me. He mentioned that he hung out on a local sports-related bulletin board, a board I frequent as well. He didn't tell him his user name.

Ah, but Chamey has been a fixture on the Internet for years, she knows how to perform a search, she knows how to make an educated guess about a username, even if she knows nothing about the person. Okay, so I do a google search on the guy's given name and find his email address. I notice the email address has a funky name. I go to the message board that he was on and do a search for that particular name and find a username. I look at the user profile and find.........his complete website describing:

His personal history (includes pictures)
Pictures of him and his family
His job history
Why people come to his site and why they need to leave
His military history (includes pictures)
His personal mission in life
A detailed description of every single one of his hobbies ( with supporting links)
Complete instructions on his diet
Complete instructions on his exercise regimen (with supporting pictures)
All awards, honors bestowed upon him
Pictures and descriptions of his friends
Complete instructions on how people should live their life
What he doesn't like in other people
Women he thinks are hot (includes pictures)
Jokes he thinks are funny (none are funny and many exemplify his mild antagonism of women)

I'd provide the link but you know darned well that he has sitemeter and
can see what link is directing people to his site.

I was planning to have conversation with him the next time I saw him but there isn't much left to ask, since I know far more than I ever wanted about this individual. I also don't think I am in the market for a supervisor, as I am pretty happy with my diet and fitness plan and don't need a new personal mission.

Run, Forest, run.

Back to the drawing board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 9:51am
Well, at least you found out early on, rather than investing any time or emotion in him.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:03am

So you aren't attracted to someone who appears secure with himself? I am confused as to why this is a deal breaker. Can you explain this to me?

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 10:12am

Secure is one thing, writing several pages on the Internet explaining in detail how people should live their lives is quite another. The mere thought of having this guy telling me what to do and how to do it sends shivers up my spine.

I am more of a live and let live kind of gal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:35am
Confused... did he tell you what to do or is he just sharing what he does and how he does it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:43am
Ahh, the hazards of google. :) But realy, the only thing you listed that I would take issue with is if his jokes are misogynistic. How bad are they - open to interpretation or over the line? Other than that, I don't see the problem with this guy. Unless it bothers you that he has put all this out there in cyberspace?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:47am
No, he's not telling ME what to do, because he doesn't know I am looking at his site, but he starts many of his sentences with "You should". I could see it if his site was some sort of educational site, but this guy doesn't seem to be an authority like being a certified personal trainer or motivational counselor. This site seems to be some sort of directive on how everyone should live their life. He makes it pretty clear that he has total contempt for fat people and people that drink alcohol. I'm not fat nor do I drink alcohol but on occasion I sometimes eat fast food, I doubt I could measure up. He seems a little on the scary side to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:50am
I also forgot to add that he has listed the precise body dimensions that he finds attractive in a woman, as in: no flat-chest, nice firm ass and minimal waistline. Remember, this isn't a dating site but moreso a personal site.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:52am
Okay, I get it, sounds like it is the tone of it that bothers you. In that case be glad you screened him early!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:14pm

Okay Chamey, you are over the top on this one.

I'm not sure what you expected to find by doing a "search" on this guy and why you wanted to at this stage of the game; but is it correct to say that you did find him appealing and were physically attracted to him? If you had NEVER seen his personal page, would you have gone out with him again??

I mean you are speculating that he may try to conform you but you will never know until you actually date him for a while. How would you feel if he checked out some of your posts on that same sports-related bulletin and/or Online Dating? I can assume you didn't offer your username as well; and personally that's private.

Sorry, don't see any problems with this scenario, actually was a good one. How secure are you with yourself to let him know you found his page and wanted to talk to him about it.

Yeah, this guy was a rarity but the reason this didn't go further had nothing to do with his personal page. JMHO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:41pm

I gave this man my user name and told him he was free to check out whatever I posted, he also asked for the name of my blog which I freely gave. I saw a flag when he didn't offer his user name in return which is why I was a bit eager to find out why. Sure enough, every single one of his posts on the message board were directives on the proper way to do this or that, more "You shoulds". Most people use a suggestive tone, like "You could....", "I like to...." or "What works for me is...". This guy never gave any indication that he had a website

I really don't have anything to hide, everyone is free to check out my blog, I've posted a link to it on this board. A date prospect can read every single one of my posts here, and if you google my given name you will find out all about me.

Sometimes we aren't able to control the flow of information about us, but, IMHO, if you have a personal site you should expect that future employers, future dating prospects, volunteer organizations will find it and read it with a magnifying glass. Which is why it is important to put your best foot forward, just like a job resume, regardless of whether you provide your name on it or not. My blog reflects this attitude, and I often receive supportive emails from people I don't even know that have stumbled upon it.

Here is a suggestion: If you are going to say something negative on the Internet, never use your given name nor use an email address that is listed anywhere else. Because somebody like me can quickly put two and two together. For example, I found the cached pages of his site that he deleted and now I am reading a bunch of much nastier stuff he had written and erased from 2004, as well as his exgirlfriend's blog, another person who enjoys directives. The two were obviously made for each other.

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