So Sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
So Sad
34
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 11:12am
I went on the coffee date this past Saturday with a guy I met online from my area. I have previously posted a message about him. He is very shy but he seemed like a really nice guy and we seemed to have a lot in common. Well, we met and talked off and on for 2 hours at a coffee shop. I say off and on because there were some lulls in the conversation because he has a hard time coming up with things to say. We did talk about quite a bit though and laughed some. It seemed to have gone well, to me anyway. He told me that he already met someone in person from online a few months ago but it didn't work out. He asked if I wanted a drive home so I said yes. The drive was a short one and it was pretty quiet. Before I got out, I thanked him for the coffee but never said anything else, probably should've though.
Anyway, the next day I called him because I was anxious to see how he thought it went. I asked him how he felt about me but he didn't say anything. Remember he is shy. I then asked him if he wanted to get together again, maybe this weekend to do something and he said he did and asked me if I did and I said, "yeah I do". I was a little nervous asking him this so I just told him he could call me sometime this week and we could make plans for the weekend. That was Sunday, it's now Wednesday and I haven't heard back from him at all. I don't know what to do now. He stressed that he was an honest person and extremely trustworthy and that's how I took him to be also. What would be the right thing to do? Would e-mailing him be wrong or phoning again? I just don't understand why he's doing this. He didn't seem to be that type of person at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:21pm

>>I still want to talk to him so bad and these boards don't help much at all. Some people say I should call him and others say not to. I'm going to go crazy with all of this! I still feel so very, very bad. I don't know what to do.<<

If you feel like crap, that's a pretty good sign that whatever you're doing now ISN'T WORKING. Therefore, stop it.

Look, you've made yourself available to him, right? There's no question that you would go out with him if/when he asks, right?

What more can you possibly do than that? Do you want to somehow talk him into going out with you? I would HATE to be seeing someone who had to be talked into dating me!

If he's interested, he'll contact you, and ask for a date. If he's not, he won't. Pretty simple stuff. Either way, you need to live YOUR life and be happy in YOUR skin and do the things that YOU like. Living for someone else sucks and doesn't work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
In reply to: kathy748
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 1:39pm

Sometimes I don't get women! It is so blantant that this guy has no interest in seeing her. Why would she even bother letting him have her energy as to wondering why he will call? She should put her energy into something more constructive.

As for not knowing what boards to trust....since this board is related to dating...I pretty much think these folks are experts.

That is all I have to say about that!




Edited 4/1/2005 2:44 pm ET ET by truewild1969

 

http://tickers.ticke

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
In reply to: kathy748
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 1:44am
I'm sorry, but this guy is the least of your problems. You seriously need to get a grip on how you handle any situation like this because you sound like you're literally falling apart over it. You're completely overwrought about a guy you messaged and spoke with 5 times and had coffee with for 2 hours with lulls in the conversation. If someone I had just met acted this way, especially if I was shy to begin with, I'd be running for the hills. I think a guy who wasn't shy would run even faster. I'm not trying to be mean, but I simply don't think this is one of those situations where the usual "You rock, you're a treasure, you're better than him" cheerleading is the best advice. If people are going to actually be helpful on this board you need to be honest instead of just trying to make the person feel better. Having her feel better about herself when she's got some serious issues she needs to resolve isn't going to help her the next time some guy she barely knows heads for the hills. I fail to see how anyone reading your posts can reasonably conclude that the guy is at fault. You totally put a stranger on the spot about how he felt about you - who does this and then expects the stranger to react positively?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
In reply to: kathy748
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 12:53pm

I've been bewildered by this thread.

You met a guy. you didn't really hit it off. He didn't call. Obviously, HE didn't think you it it off, either. Why WOULD he call you? Since then, you've turned it into this HUGE complicated thing. It's not. You two didn't really like each other. But now you're talking about how you can "help him come out of his shell" and whether "he'll be alone for the rest of his life?"

HELLO???? REALITY CHECK. Good grief. Move on.

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